Thank you. I am really struggling and missing my old home and environment and as you say our mindsets are so vulnerable and i was so broken by losing him that i just couldnt think straight at all. My one son was the instigator of the move out of love for me and seeing me so heartbroken and he himself was bereft in spite of having a lovely family himself and he just wanted me near to him; I was only 30 minutes away by car anyway but now i am just down the road from him and the other son is 10 minutes away but as i said theyre working and during the daytime I am just lost. But I know for everyoneās sake that I must slowly adjust but itās terribly hard at my age ā¦81. Thank you anyway.
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Good advice. Dont worry too much about the future or whats around the corner. Most of the things you worry over never happen. Try to have one little treat or goal each day for yourself. All our husbands/wives would want us to find some little happiness.
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Lovely what u said.
I am collecting my husbands ashes tomorrow , and I didnāt think I would do this but I have a personalised urn already for him to go in , on the left side of the bedroom , so he will always be on my left side , we had his mum , Dad and two dogs ashes in the house and I kept saying to him āwhen are you scattering them his Dad being gone 20 years ! ā and he always said oh I will when I am ready ! His kids have now spread the ashes , so I know my Nick would want me to bring him home and when I am ready it would be 20+ years it could be never , then I will scatter but right now he is staying with me
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I feel your pain, as its just the same as mine. Its now been 8 months for me and I had thought things were getting better but then wham the pain and devastation is there again. Apparently Iām doing all the right things but in the end its not what i want. I want him and thats all
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It will be hard hun and we are all here for you they say the first 2 years are the hardest and itās what our brains have photographed memories heartache etc my angels been gone 10 months and not a day goes by where I donāt speak about him cry for him and miss him with all my heart I will listen to his music because I find it comforting they say grief is love with no place to go take each day at a time theornis no time limit on grief just donāt exhaust yaself like I do constantly crying doesnāt help but our lifeās have to go on xxx
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I have converstions all the time with G and I talk to his photos .
I also recently collected his ashes and we planned scattering them at our favourite beach where we spent so many happy weekends but I canāt part with him yet. Not sure if I ever will. Used to think the idea of having a loved ones ashes at home was weird
but I was a lot younger then and didnt realise the
absolute heartache at losing thelove of your life after 47 years and realising thereās nothing that can fill the gap and hole thats left inside.
So heāll stay here with me and maybe one day Iāll be ready but definitely not any time soon.
Iām starting tai chi classes to see if that will help me through. As you said its one day at a time.
This site is such a great help and although weāre all griefstricken at least we knew love in our lifetime
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Hi @Lottie79
I feel exactly the same as you about the ashes.
I never thought Iād want them in the house.
But now Iām quite happy to have hin home.
Trouble is he wanted to be scattered so eventually thatās what I must do. Although I will be keeping some back to go with me, when the time comes
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I hated the thought of his ashes being in the house until my grandsons bought me a beautiful small keepsake which burns a candle. Heās placed next to his photo. The remaining have gone into a planter and i chose a plant just for him. Its not the best solution as Iād much prefe him here and now with me. I know heās with me but the pain is killing me. I hate my life
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I think we all feel like that but we just have to take one day at a time and do the best we can. Be kind to yourself 
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I was so pleased to bring Chrisās ashes home, he sits in our bedroom, together with the casket of our dogās ashes and my daughterās are aware that when I die I want my ashes together with Chris and our Basil scattered in the woods where we used to go
I speak to him all the time, sometimes I berate him for leaving me alone but always I tell him how much I love him
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Today I had to message someone and in the message I told them my husband had died .
I looked at it on the screen and thought
āIs that really true? Have I got it right?ā
He died in March and I still canāt believe it has happened.
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Oh thatās so hard to do Rose but well done for managing.
All these little steps all add up, I hope, to us moving forward along with our grief.
I also canāt quite believe heās gone and this is all real - March 12th was the day my husband died - feels just like yesterday but at the same time seems like a lifetime without him.
Sending hugs xxx
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Hugs to you Rose
Liz x x
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Hi @roni52
Yes youāre right, little steps all count.
I lost my husband 23rd February
Like you and Rose I still canāt believe heās really gone. Only a 13 weeks but feels like forever.
We will move on by taking those little steps,
But weāll never forget them or stop missing them
Sending hugs
Liz x
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Same day my wife died , 12th March , like you feels like yesterday , yet also feels like forever since she was here with us x off down to the bench we got for her at the bottom of our garden , with a beer and chat to her ( scattered some of her ashes under the flags we put down ) as strangely feel closest to her there .
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it was 8 feb for me, and it is 1 step forward and 2 back sometimes for me. i still canāt believe heās gone, im waiting for him to come home. I talk to him every day as if he were here and tell him i love him just as we ised to. Hope one day it will be easier to bear.
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It is the same for me, a short time and yet a lifetime.
Iām afraid I am crying now.
It is too big and too sad to accept.
Just seeing those words broke me when I saw them in my message.
A couple of days ago, the thought that I would never have my life with him again came hammering into my head. The life that I was used to, the life I took for granted with my wonderful, wonderful husband would never be again.
Too much reality is creeping in and I hate it!
So sorry everyone but I know you understand my need to write this.
I so wish I could bring them all back, happy and healthy.
Take care.
Lots of love and so many huge hugs,
Rose xxxxxx
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Hi Rose.
Iāve just read your post.
Iām so sorry youāre upset.
You were doing so well but we knew that a bad day was waiting round the corner.
I wish I could be there to give you a hug, and tell you itāll be ok.
Keep posting your feelings. It does help especially when you know so many people really care.
Iām here for you Rose, whenever you want to chat.
Lots of love and very big hugs
Liz x x
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I was on the train home today following my holiday, and a woman sat next to me. We started chatting and she told me that her husband had passed away in November. I sympathised and offered support, because she was anxious about her sonās forthcoming wedding, but I could not tell her that my boyfriend had died in February. I simply could not say it, because I knew that I would start to cry if I did. I really wanted to tell her, so she would realise that I understood what she is going through, but it was impossible for me. I felt it was such a shame because we could have had a proper chat. 
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