Hi Eveybabes and N8658 I am 14 months and 3 weeks into losing my husband of 51 years he was my life I’m so sorry for your losses I was were you were and never thought I’d get to were I am now today it’s been a very very hard emotional journey and the loneliness is horrendous I miss him with all my heart think about him day and night but I have to admit to myself it has got that bit easier and I honestly from the bottom of my heart I never thought I’d get here to were I am now, I still cry everyday morning and night but the crying is less been on here has also helped me reading people’s stories but also medication and help I do still have a bad day but make myself do something to occupy my mind I can assure you in time it will get easier, from someone who never thought she’d be able to say that take care Wendy
I can resonate with what you said, I am also just over 14 months in and although I still cry some days and nights and still miss him terribly every single day but at the same time I sense that it has got a little less intense.
However, the loneliness remains the same and I don’t think it will ever get better as my angel is no longer here so without his company I will always going to be lonely, sadly.
Take care everyone x
Hi Angel1309 your right it is the loneliness that gets you and always will take care
Yes the terrible realisation hits me over and over again, this morning has been terrible for me, I could not stop crying.
I made myself get up, had a shower, sat in the garden for my morning drink and i am feeling a bit perkier.
I am meeting 2 Jollie Dollie ( look online) ladies for lunch today so that will be nice. 
oh and the sun is shining and warm !.
I guess we have no choice but learn to get used to this horrible loneliness sadly!
Best wishes x
We’ll never know when it’s going to hit us some days are okay some days are unbearable. Hope you had a nice time with the 2 Jollie Dollie ladies!
Yes we but but having no choice doesn’t make it easier does it? It would have been our 54th wedding anniversary today. So many tears shed I feel worn out with it.
No it doesn’t - I agree! Every big occasion is a torture! My anniversary was 3 weeks ago I know how you must be feeling today - I am so sorry. Please take care 
Thanks Angel that’s nice of you
Yes it was a nice afternoon with my Jollie Dollie friends, everything we do that is new helps us to move on and build our new lufe. Our lives have to move on and grow and that is what our lived one would want us to do x
Sending love and hugs x
Sounds so positive and so true, our love ones would want us to carry on and I intend to do so with him forever in my heart.
Take care x
That is so right.
He told me I had to live my life.
Why am I finding it so so hard?
X x
Liro, it is still far too early, you will live your life but right now you are taking a break from it to grieve, you will never stop grieving for your loved one, you will build your life around your grief. Remember you are grieving because you loved him and your love will never die. You will start to smile when you think about him and what you did, but for now you will crumble and that is normal, it is natural and it is also therapeutic and healing, it is good for you to be sad and cry and hurt and have heartache, it all helps to make us better, it diminishes and we start to move along, doing everyday things and re-joining society and life.
Only when you are ready can you start to live your life as he wanted you to. 
Thankyou @penny6
Everything you said makes sense.
Perhaps I’m trying to run before I can walk
And you’re right, I do crumble, often. And I am so sad and hurting so much. And I cry a lot.
But people around me want me to be ok how can I be when the pain is still there?
I do try to let them think I am. But I can’t pretend all the time.
Thankyou for your very wise words x x
Liro dont pretend you are okay, they wont expect you to be okay, they just don’t know how to deal with " this death thing and grieving thing". Now and for the rest of your life don’t pretend anymore, we shouldn’t pretend we are not being selfish when we put ourselves first.
I am almost 10 weeks in and I still have some dreadful days when I can still not believe it, the pain is unbearable, I wonder what life is all about and what is the point, especially when I first wake up and often at bedtime but now I am also having some days when I am able to join in things with my family and friends, and yes I still have blips. Today I went to a cathedral to look round. I am not at all religious but I went to light a candle for David it felt like a nice thing to do, but I had to leave, I went and sat outside in the graveyard weeping, I could not cope with the situation because it is all still so raw, but after I had dried my eyes I carried on and I enjoyed the rest of the afternoon looking around the shops with my family. You will get there in your own time, and time is as long or as short as it is for your situation and your emotions we are all different. Keep chatting and reading on here Liro it really does help a lot. XX
Yes I totally agree it is so hard - I am trying to take one day at a time, feel all the emotions that consume me and go with the flow, holding my angel in my heart everyday and night feeling the comfort of having him by my side - it personally helps me getting through each day.
Big hugs xx
Today im not in a good place, i dont know why, i woke up andcstarted to cry, sobbed into his pillow wanting to feel his arms around me telling me everything will be ok. Its not ok it never will be again, im still sat here crying it wont stop, its 24 weeks tomorrow, yet today it feels like im back at day 1 and i have no idea what to do or why im like this I was coping before, just. Hed hate seeing me like this its not what hed want, he always said i was the strong one im not. i dont want to be here, i want to be with David I miss him so much.
Oh @ronnie4
I’m so sorry you feel so bad today, but we all know it happens. Often when we least expect it.
I’m actually having a positive day to day but I also know I could crumble so easily.
Its happened so many times.
Yesterday was 5 months since Roger left and like you I yearn to feel his arms around me, telling me he loves me and everything will be ok. Yesterday I wasn’t positive
Like you I know he would hate to see me so upset so much of the time
I’m currently staying at my sisters and I think that helps. I can push things to the back of my mind, for a while.
I’ve had more bad news this week but while I’m here I can pretend it’s not happening.
I’ll have to face it Saturday when I get home.
I do know exactly how you feel, I have so many days like that.
I don’t know if this has helped but I just want to let you know that you’re not alone.
I understand.
Sending love and a huge hug 
Liz x x
thank you, it dies i think this is the inly place i can say how i feel and not be told to get over it or youre needy. my stepson lives with me but i dont see him much and he doesnt talk much, but its someone there, hes not back home until tomorrow, so its first time ive been alone here since just after David died, perhaps the knowledge that ill be completely alone and im scared and i dont know why. im so useless a mess , so not me i really need a good day again.