I fully understand your feelings and intense loss. I am going through the same. I lost my wife 9 weeks ago after caring for her for 5 years. We were married 50 years. I cannot bear living without her and the thought that this is for the rest of my life makes me very depressed. We have to carry on somehow. I try to keep busy , see and speak to family and friends as much as possible , hope that time will ease the pain and try to live one day at a time otherwise it can get too much projecting too far ahead. Any positive helpful advise/ suggestions would be very much appreciated. davesmithsa
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wish i could offer some, but i cant, ive had some good days, ive even laughed, now its knocked me for 6 again, right back to th.e beginning. i know heād want to me keep going, but what for? I have nothing, i sm nothing. My kids are grown, with their own lives, as are my grandkids, i cant and dont want to be needy or.a burden to them. I want to give up, im not sure i have the strength left, i know it not want theyād want and definitely not what David would want, he probably give me a talking to , id so love him to do that, and to hug when i need it. Sorry im really not good today
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Have you tried writing to David?
It may or may not help you.
I write to Roger every night and tell him about my day. I write as if Iām talking to him and even ask his advice and opinion on things. I very often cry while Iām writing, usually when Iām telling him how much I am missing him and want him back.
It helps me, I feel we still have a connection
You have a lot to carry on for, how do you think your children and grandchildren would feel if you left them. Try reaching out to them, they canāt help you if they donāt know how wretched you feel.
In the meantime there are plenty of us here to listen to you and support you. The same as you do for us
Love and hugs x x
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I am not having a good day today either but I think it has been prompted by the guy coming and removing the stairlift. I didnāt think it would affect me because it reminds me of the not so good times when he was struggling. I have a book āLetters to Bobā and I write in it most days and have just done that this afternoon. This awful grief process comes in waves and sometimes you are riding on the top and others struggling underneath. I am just going to sit and read my book.
Sending hugs 
.
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i talk to him throughout the day, todsy hes deserted me, maybe because today im useless, or feel it and heās not happy with it, he tell me to stop blarting and hug me. ive reached out, my daughter talks to me occasionally i always make the move when i saud i was linely she told me i sounded needy, so ive been over a.few times but recently when ive asked shes too busy, my grandkids never answer their phone , ive not seen my great grandson since my mums funeral 11 months ago. My son knows and trys to help when he can but hes away alot. so really i dont think theyd miss me, son might. Daughter dudnt like David, dont know why as he dud alot for her and the kids. Stepson lives wuth me, but hes autistic, and he doesnt like me, everything is my fault, anything goes wrong, i have to deal with it and pay cos its in the will that i have to. Complicated as wed been together 30 years, lived together 28 never married, we were planning our wedding had everything ready except a date when he died, so double whammy fir me. Steosin ive brought up since he was 18 months old but now David gone im the evil witch. i know he doesnāt understand everything, but the meltdowns arent nice, he doesnāt understand grief , hed miss me only because i pay every bill and repair. its just all too much i really feel truely alone. ive just sat outside, and a white feather floated down so mayb hes hear im too upset today to hear him.
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Most of us on here 2 day r feeling low, but u hav got a lot 2 cope with, so im sending u a hug,
2 let u know u r not alone in yr grief.
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Ronnie, I am sorry to read you have so much to deal with. You can only take each hour as it comes and do what is best for you at that time. I know that is easier said than done at times. Be kind to yourself
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Oh @ronnie4
Heās sent the white feather to let you know heās near and he hears you.
He doesnāt want you to be like this.
We all have bad days, you know that.
Hopefully tomorrow youāll feel better able to cope.
Love and hugs x
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It is 11 weeks for me and seems like yesterday and seems like 11 years ! it was also unexpected, I am having some good days now and going out for days with my family and functioning but it catches me unawares and I break down for the slightest thing, I miss miss miss him so much, everything reminds me of him and i want to hold his hand when I am out, I want to cuddle him, be cuddled, I want a kiss , I want to hear his voice, the silence is deafening, I want to see his beautiful smile, I want to feel his strength and feel secure again. All that left is a photograph and my memories. How utterly sad. X you are not alone in how you are feeling Mogs1 x
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thank you all, what an awful club we belong to. i too miss him so much, long for his touch and voice. These bad days are hell.
This is my David, i have to sit in his chair, canāt bear to see it empty. We were always and forever, to the end just wish his end wasnāt so soon.
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Aww, Ronnie, I can feel your pain and despair. We will get there, because we have to. On the really bad days I know that we donāt even want to get there.
Go back to square one, getting through the next hour, and then the next. Even though every minute feels like an hour.
When everything is so sad itās hard to believe that this level of pain can be endured. But we are all with you. Better times will come along eventually.
Sending you the biggest hug. Xx
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Oh @ronnie4 Iām sorry that you feel so down today. Rest assured, you are not useless, you are doing a great job. We are all dealing with this us our own way.
I think Willow nade a great suggestion of taking it a bit at a time is a good one. I lost my Jim 202 days ago today, and I still have days when I seem to cry for no reason. Its part of how much we loved them. Iām sending you a hug. Make a cuppa, get a nice choccy biccy, and just sit and have 10 minutes just for you.
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thank you, i sat outside listening to the wind in the trees, until it rained, cane in snd made a cuppa but tea in oven. Ive calmed a little, today has exhausted me, thank you all for getting me through it xx
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No need for thanks,
we all help each other.
Love and hugs x x
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I sit in my husbands chair too, and around the table , then Itās not empty , x
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Thank you yes my heads everywhere and still canāt believe heās gone my very own DJ we had good days until he moved to a new flat which myself daughter and my mate helped him move into it was shard enough he passed suddenly but then finding out heād lied and cheated was was like losing him again the grief on top I didnāt want to be here but I got help with medication 
which I hate taking I cry day and night but manage to take myself out and go on day trips went Paignton yesterday with my eldest she lives with me sheās a god send my youngest works a lot I have contact with his youngest daughter but being banned from his funeral last year had made me recent people and thatās not good I hope you find peace in your every day journey
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I was actually told by a neighbour to āpull myself together, itās been over a year nowā . Another friend told me Iād soon meet someone else.
I feel like screaming at them sometimes.
I have become much more solitary. If I canāt be with my beloved husband, I donāt really want to be with anyone.
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I am so sorry.
Dreadful things to say!
Big hug,
Rose xx
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How thoughtless!
We understand
Big hugsxx
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Are there really people THAT crass and ignorant out there? At least here we know what itās like from bitter experience and anyone of us will tell you; ignore them, there is no time limit on grief. You canāt do it wrong. Ask real friends for help and keep posting here, we are all supporting each other. Sending a Welsh hug, cwtch xx
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