Sending a big hug back x
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So @RoseGarden wanna throw a question out to you as you seem like a nice lady . . My daughter who just had a baby ( very cute) accusing me of mentioning her dad too much. I sent her a message this morning saying i had been on her dads allotment - she said its not dads allotment its yours now and i also said missing him … so now she said i talk about him too much ! What the hell !!
Am i just supposed to act as if he never existed then ? Xx
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Lyn2507,
It is not a journey we all want to be on ,so sorry for your loss,
Yesterday was a,good day went out shopping and for a meal ,
Today is a bad day feel totally physically and mentally exhausted today,
I am a carer for my mum who is 92,
I am really in need of a holiday,as not had one since my husband passed suddenly October 2022,
Take care
Hugs
Susie
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@ Deb5 Is it possible that your daughter is not be accusing you so much as perhaps signalling that she can’t handle the reminders of her Dad? I have a son who is being very supportive by being positive and bringing my grandchildren to visit because he knows that cheers me. But I can see he finds it hard to talk about his Dad. We all have our own ways of coping and maybe your daughter has to do the “let’s not talk about it” way.
But I agree you have to be allowed to speak of your lost one. I met an old neighbour when out walking yesterday and it was such a release to be able to talk to him about his late wife as well as my husband. We effectively gave each other permission. We both remarked on missing having someone to just share unimportant comments with.
So maybe try to interpret her comments as “this hurts me too much Mum”? Talk about your man to other people who won’t feel it as much?
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Yeh youre probably right ? I just dont understand why i cant mention his bloody name !! And yeh must hurt her but find it really childish snd try respect it but it just comes out naturally to talk about him … it was HIS allotment though !! I just carried it on !
Anyway im doing my best but im not perfect am i … nobody is !!
Plus of course if she’s just had a baby her nerves may well be jangling quite a bit. I have to keep making allowances for my daughter in law on those grounds!
I know for sure grief has made me much more touchy and likely to get angry/take offence/ burst into tears than the old me. So you probably both need to cut each other some slack!
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Yeh she wants to try cutting me some flipping slack ! Jeez !
Of course it’s natural to talk about him. I talk about my Neil to anyone who will listen. And I talk to him quite a lot too.
I “get” why it hurts when your daughter wants to shut you down, I was only trying to think of a way you could possibly look at it and maybe not be so hurt. I’ve no idea how insensitive your daughter is actually being. What I do know is that I’m much more touchy than I would normally be. Grief can make us angry.
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Hello,
I agree with @AnnieMacG .
It could very well be that your daughter is not handling the death of her dad.
Her hormones are all over the place.
Also, she has just experienced a birth which in most families is a joyous and amazing event that is the centre of everyone’s attention. This is now a bitter sweet time for everyone.
You must not stop talking about him.
You have every right to say how you feel.
Plus, however hard it is for your daughter I don’t think you or anyone is helping her by not mentioning her dad.
Perhaps, when you have produce from the allotment you can give her some.
Was there something he really loved growing?
I am so sorry you are experiencing this.
Sending you my best wishes and a very big hug.
Rose xx
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I know youre right on both counts. She has suffered badly over the paasing of her father, i know 
but so have i … and she wont even let me mention him …i think that’s a very silly attitude to have and as you say i have every right to talk about him but not to her it seems !! I only refer to him when its appropriate- like dad’s allotment - i was his !! But she didnt like that either !! God you cant do wrong for right with some people can you !! Xx
Yes he has 2 apple trees - i will give her sone of yhose when they come - but better not mention theyre from dads allotment had i !! I had trouble with my kids evee since their dad passed … they been a nightmare tbh !! X
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May youngest daughter don’t like me to say to much about her dad she always gives me that funny look .
She’s always saying I have to get used to my new life off being on my own and that everything is mine now not his
It is very hurtful at times x
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Deb I’m really sorry to hear that your kids are being difficult rather than supportive. You could do without that on top of your own pain. Maybe they will grow up eventually!
All I can offer is sympathy and a willing ear any time you want to let off steam on here.
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Yeh im same … talk about him when i can. I love talking about him and to him like you !
I dunno why she is being like this ? I honestly dont but then the way my kids have handled this has been bizarre from the beginning ! X
And thanks yeh ! I think its why i love it on here cos we can say whats on our mind cant we ? No flipping restrictions … its bad when you cant talk about what we are thinking ? Its like being in a communist country ! X
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It seems really difficult for some people to mention a loved one after they have passed away. Perhaps your daughter is finding the loss of her dad and then the new bit all a bit too much for her. Please don’t stop ever talking about him.
It seems as if I’m the only one who ever mentions my own dear husband, even his son doesn’t ever talk about him which I find very hard to bear. I get embarassed sometimes as I still find myself saying ‘our’ and ‘we’ instead of ‘my’ and ‘I’ . How and why should you ever stop talking about our dearest loves.
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I am lucky to have two friends who don’t mind me mentioning my husband and will in fact mention him themselves. I told them that I was fine with him being mentioned and that I would mention him and they took the lead from me. I know I am very lucky…
Others however 
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Yeh its so nice to talk about them isnt it ? Re- live happier times …i thought i be able to talk to my kids about him though … hes very missed. He had a really big personality and he was a happy man who loved life l. It makes me so sad that my kids are like this ! But dont worry i not been able to do right for wrong since he passed away so nothing new there !! Xx
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I am trying very hard to all things by myself as I am beginning to accept that this is going to be the new normal so I might as well try to get used to it even though I hate it so much everyday is a struggle doing everything that we used to do together - heartbreaking 
Dogs are so affectionate and I love them - we have 3 office dogs at work and they are so adorable, unfortunately I am allergic to them so can’t own one, sadly. xx
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I wont ever stop talking about him to like minded friends ! Its just my kids that dont seem to wanna talk about him ? Maybe its too painful for them yet ! My daughter who been awkward has suffered a lot with his loss. And whilst i understand it in a way, it upsets me we cant remember happy times . I add him to my conversations because i feel like he is right besides me sometimes in spirit … still holding my hand x
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I felt like that at first but once you’ve done it the second time seems less pressured. I flew to Mallorca last August to the place we had planned to go together but I ended up going solo. It was horrible sitting alone by the pool eating alone in the restaurant - and worse, there was a storm and my return flight was cancelled then got a replacement flight back to the UK but via Nice. I could have sworn I was being punished for travelling alone as when my flight was about to take off from Nice to the UK there was a problem with the UK air traffic control so all flights to the UK were cancelled. I was then stuck in Nice for 2 more nights. At that point I thought I would never ever fly again! The first time I braved myself travelling alone and that’s what happened to me - I was literally losing the will to live!! Now that many months have passed I find it, although not so confident but definitely less stressful when I think about going somewhere alone.
Sorry, I hope my horrible experience hasn’t put you off trying to go away on your own. x
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