Still Struggling

Everyone wearing them patients and staff. I’m vulnerable now myself as I will have a low immune system. Doctors appointment should be interesting, looking forward to that as I put a lot of work in last week
at the hospital. So waiting on results for a few things. My back making great progress but do get a ache now and again.

That sounds promising. I think with having had a broken back the odd ache is to be expected! With people in work with Covid I still feel that sudden panic in case I catch it and pass it to mum, then I remember she is gone. I don’t want to catch it anyway as we don’t get paid for the first three days of being off.

Hope you keep away from the Covid infections. That wouldn’t be good to get. How was your day today?

I hope I don’t get it either, the three of us got it last summer and I felt so rough. It was the week before my law exam so revising was hard. Mum was strict though questioning me a lot and kept us both busy. I was out watering the garden with a temp of 101! I think keeping busy helped as sitting down made me feel more rough. I’ve spent today doing my cv, I will get my sister to check it tomorrow then it’s on to the cover letter and get it submitted. I’m always pretty worn out on a Thursday but I think I had a productive day. I also ate a quarter of a brownie tray with cream for afternoon tea, I felt pretty sick afterwards but it helped me get the last of my cv done! How are you keeping?

Oh my gosh, sounds like you were quite poorly with it! I’m ok thanks but my son has a small operation today so am worried sick. About to set off soon. Also planning to take mum’s ashes ‘home’ on Tuesday if my son is ok to leave. Feeling rather down but sometimes also no feeling at all because it all just feels impossible.
Glad you’ve got the CV done. Good luck with the rest of it. The brownie tray bake sounds yummy. X

I hope your son gets on ok, I will be thinking of you today and let me know how he gets on. Are you scattering your mums ashes on Tuesday? The thought of doing that will make you feel down, maybe it is too soon? My sister and I are thinking of scattering our parents ashes in the autumn when all the geese will be home. It gives us time to come to terms with things first. It won’t be easy but we wanted to wait until we feel up to it. We’ve got to other half of the brownie to eat today :wink:X

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Hi Keith

Hope all goes well at the hospital
Xx

Thank you. We are back now thankfully. All went ok but too soon to know if it worked. It was only a small op but needed a general anaesthetic. We had to stay at the hospital for a few hours after to make sure he’s ok, which he seems to be. We were at the hospital from 7am so I’m a bit shattered now.
Yes, we are scattering the ashes on Tuesday, at an RSPB centre as they let you do that at a remote part of the reserve. It’s not too far from where my mum used to live and we often used to walk in the area. Plus my dad’s ashes were scattered at the crematorium very close by, 39 years ago, so it kind of feels right to do. It will be nice to be home for a short while and we will have a walk around too whilst we’re there.
Enjoy the brownie!

I am glad everything went ok and I do hope that the operation has worked. He is luck to have you and your husband to look after him and keep an eye on him for 24 hours. I bet he will feel uncomfortable and a little sorry for himself. Nothing his mum can’t fix! That is where mum wanted hers and dad’s ashes scattered, at a RSPB reserve, I must contact them nearer the time to find out where on the reserve we can do that. I didn’t really think about the weight of them until we picked dads up, we didn’t get warned what to expect so it was a shock. When we went to get mum’s they felt even heavier. Goodness knows how we are going to carry them, we might need a little cart! It’s a situation I really need a little humour as I think I might bawl my eyes out, hence leaving it a little while. I still working on my cv and have the cover letter to do, the brownie will be my reward for finishing!

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Doctor review on Monday, much needed. DWP I won’t say harassing me but obviously they noticed earnings are down for July. So burnt up phone battery yesterday on the phone to them. Had to put details in of dates of sick note, Sunak has lost power in this country but his evil plans with the DWP are in place. Person on the phone was very sympathetic to my situation and was very helpful. I should of had a appointment today about work, not happening. I was working before my diagnosis so I not received much from the DWP anyway so didn’t give it much thought. Universal Credit was just a safety net regards rent, nothing else. My mum’s will cleared which has took me over what you are aloud in savings anyway. I declared this and I thought they would of signed me off Universal Credit, but been told it’s not straight forward as that. Always complicated with the DWP, they now arranged a phone consultation with me on the 20th of next month, god knows why! Think I mention it on Monday when I see my Doctor. My food Ninja arrived today from Amazon, so that’s positive at least.

It’s ludicrous that 1 in 2 people are getting cancer but there is not a lot of financial support for people and what there is has to be fought for. You can only see what the doctor says on Monday, you can’t be expected to work when you are receiving chemotherapy and you are early on in your journey. It’s no wonder that Only Fans is so popular! I read an article about two women who left their jobs as paramedics to go on the page full time! Not for me as I would end up having to issue refunds….

At least you have the joy of playing with your food Ninja. I got a double drawer air fryer when mum was first in hospital in the hopes the new treatment would work and I’d be able to make her nice meals. Now I just use it for baked potatoes!

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Yes its all a bit surreal isn’t it. My mum wouldnt have wanted me to worry with the ashes really, but it feels complete and the right thing to do. I guess that’s for me more than my mum really but I’m hoping she would have been secretly pleased had she known.
My son is ok thanks; gone upstairs to watch something online with his sister who is in London! That’s the way it seems to work nowadays!
Let me know when you’ve earned your brownie!

Good luck for your doctor’s review.

I honestly think that mum didn’t really care what happened to her body after she passed. One of her doctors gave her a poem about death that I couldn’t face reading at the time. Mum did say it mentioned just throwing her body on a compost heap, she said she accepted impending death and wanted to deal with it with laughter. I didn’t have it in me to laugh.

The pandemic really boosted the whole online thing and what we could do. It’s good that your son is close to your daughter.

I had the brownie as a reward for finishing my cv, I am currently working on my cover letter! I think it is gold plated cheese!!

I got mine in the deals on Amazon nearly a 100 quid, was too good to turn down. I had a small one given me by the housing association. But just a cheap Logik 1 drawer. I upgraded to a two door Food Ninja. Still boxed, busy day trying to catch up on light cleaning in the flat. I have no intentions going back to work full time, maybe in time part time. But that doctors appointment is so important on Monday. I still got quite a lot on as I got myself Myaloma and then I got to look into a headstone for mum. Don’t know about Only Fans, sick of all the fr on FB these days. FB doesn’t change, doesn’t really hold any significance for me now. I guess being diagnosed with Cancer changes your mind set altogether. Not that I even been on it ever.

To be honest with you, I rather be on here and if I can help someone with losing a loved one, then at least I’m giving something back and helping someone at the same time. Wouldn’t know what to do on Only Fans anyway.

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Tomorrow is my cleaning day and I really don’t have the energy, I must do it though as I can hear my mum in my head saying the house is a tip! I watched Jamie Oliver’s air fryer programme with Tefal and was all geared up to make a cheesecake, without mum it’s not the same. I came off Facebook years ago, got fed up of people in work posting nasty comments about one another and who cares what they are watching on TV! Don’t get me started on the number of people who wouldn’t speak to me in work but wanted to add me as a friend, nosy bleeps!! I am on instagram instead, I get choose who I add which is a mix of tattooists, jewellery sellers, miniaturists, animals, second hand toy sellers to name a few. Weird mix but then that’s just me. The Only Fans bit was a joke, it’s where people sell rude photos and videos of themselves through subscription! Definitely not my cup of tea, much prefer that and cake

I just find 20 cents from a holiday we went to Florida. I do think people that didn’t live with their parents or married are the lucky ones. It’s easier for them not so for me as I have memories all around me

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One day the memories won’t hurt, they will give you comfort instead.

My cleaning day too, which always puts me in a bad mood. I like the idea of gold plated cheese as a reward though! But maybe a bit hard to eat! I should really go the gym too but its not something I enjoy, just something we drag ourselves to once a week to torment ourselves with views of much younger and fitter people effortlessly exercising. We should go more often but there’s generally something more enticing to do. Like cleaning haha. Good luck with the cover letter.