They just want to tell you how to live your life. Then I not done this I not done that. Then she says she can’t see me returning to work. Then don’t like it when I start getting pissed off with her. The new one is well I have to go I got another call in she says. Well she won’t be getting a call from me today, that’s for sure. Break time !
I’m sure the nagging is coming from a place of concern and she is trying to look out for you in her own way. It’s difficult for the friends and family members of those with cancer. With mum I felt powerless, I couldn’t cure the cancer doubled with the fear of losing her. All I had was to take her to hospital appointments and care for her such as making sure she ate. It was the same after my dad’s stroke too, I felt awful as I could understand what he was saying which haunts me now as I’ll never know what he said to me in this final weeks. Maybe just explain to your friend that you need a little space to get your head around things but let her know that you really do appreciate what she is doing for you. Feeling useless is one of the worst feelings
Don’t think it’s that, think it’s more to do with bossing me, picking fault and rushing me. She tells me what she done and then asks me what I’ve done. I work at my pace not someone else’s. I’m happy that way! Best one yesterday was I bought a Diffuser off Amazon and ordered another for my room, waiting delivery. I use to have them but they kept breaking, cheap China stuff. Hmmmm were does she think her Food Ninja ? hmmmm China lol. Even though I bought one now too. I work to my pace and I know what my goals are for that day. I more or less have achieved them. I hardly had the time to spend on the flat, what with mums funeral + work last year. Working with cancer and then 2 weeks in hospital. I had cancer on the ward but kept taking myself off for a vape. Then being diagnosed etc, but I got this. I been in touch with other people who has Myeloma. I’m in Maggies Support group on What’s App. Alot are getting on with their lives, going on holiday etc. My mum under estimated me too, I shocked her when I came home with my pass my driving certificate.
But mum knew when I put my mind to something I achieved it and obviously felt good about it. She knew in her 
, I miss her.
I remember when she was having a new wardrobe delivered, mum needed the old one removing. She arranged British Heart Foundation to come and take it. They looked at it and said it can’t be done. 2 hours later I took it apart and it was in the garden. I knew it had to be gone from her room and I wasn’t happy with British Heart Foundation. Guess what? I surprised her again! I could work and do things for mum because she just let me get on with stuff. That’s why I’m not keen on other people coming in and doing stuff, they do crap jobs. But still want paying for it!
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It be almost a year now August 21st I lost mum and the tears still come. I try not to talk about or think too much about mum, gets me very emotional and so I try not think too much. People like that who boss me or are critical of me. Just won’t hear from me, I had it from her husband back in March, didn’t ring them for a whole month. I would of thought common sense would of kicked in by now, obviously not!
I think you said earlier you couldn’t start on anything to you had a shower. For me it’s put the blind up and put music on, I’m good to go. I was kind of bought up on music, and then I started buying records in the 80s. I had no tv in my room or a game system. But I had a record player! I can go into my little own world and be motivated by music.
On 15 August it will be 3 years since we lost our dad so we have that to deal with at the same time as dealing with losing mum 2 months ago. There’s no harm in crying if you need to, it’s part of the process of grieving. I think there is something going on between my sister and her boyfriend but she hasn’t told me. She was showing me a video on her phone last night and a message preview from him came up on her screen. He was saying that they needed to talk as she never communicates with him, I’ve got to find a way of finding out if she is ok.
After reading your messages I can now see that your friend maybe isn’t being as supportive as she could be. If she brings up the topic of you not going back to work again just nod and put what energy you have into proving her wrong. I love music but reading relaxes me more, I find it is a form of escape and I can picture in my head what is going on in the story. Since losing mum though I haven’t really felt like it much, I maybe just haven’t found the right book for me at this time. I love arts and crafts too, my mum and I stitched a bear out of mohair together and my dad and I made a collectors dolls house. We got around to building the basement just before his stroke, 3 years later it’s still sitting in the place where we left it with the bottle of glue where he put it inside. I’ve not been able to bring myself to decorate it as it means moving the glue and I still don’t feel ready to do that.
Life is hard for all of us on here and we have to find different ways of coping with it. I don’t get people anymore, especially at work who I have worked with for 16 years. At least we have each other on here to talk to, I don’t know about anyone else but I would be pretty lonely.
This person has helped me and husband a lot. But I think she does spoil herself. We know doubt speak again but I’m not in a rush. Worst thing you can do is pick fault with someone. No one’s perfect and we all operate at our own pace, not someone else’s. It like her taking 10 steps forward then 4 back. Don’t understand it myself! I take a break from them. Been watching the news regards the riots, quite a few kids involved. Reminds me when I was working a bus station security. They ride on bikes through the bus station. You tell them to get off their bikes they stick 2 fingers up at you. 10,11 year old wearing a balavlava. Same thing, today’s kids have no fear of anything or anyone. I can see them being locked up when they grow up. It can be scary when there are quite a few of them too. My city has been mentioned as a possible protest or riots destination. It’s hard to take in what’s happening with this current generation. I’m was working that bus station before Myeloma. I won’t be going back there no matter what. I’m sorry about your dad, he sounds like he liked making stuff. Creativity you have to respect people like that. The effort and determination in doing it. I had a uncle who was like that, he made me planes as a kid when I visited with mum. He use to brew his own beer too.
I started throwing some stuff out, I took a lot of mums clothes to charity shops and putting my clothes in. Mum had a few cuddly toys I going to keep them. But I’m trying to convert it too my flat. I still see my money as mums money. So I disagree with those friends who told me to spend to it get it down, in order to claim Universal Credit again. I got some one coming in to clean the carpets. I have to think what I want to do after that.
It’s scary thinking about what the adults of the future will be like. I work in a supermarket and we had trouble with teenagers coming in causing trouble and stealing the vapes. We had agency guards at the time which didn’t do anything so the situation spiralled out of control. We got 2 licensed guards, one is really good and sorts them out, the other is too interested in chatting up the female customers. He was caught knecking one woman in various aisles, the Photo Booth and the community room!
My dad loved to make things and was brilliant at DIY, he also landscaped the garden in every house we had. Mum was the expert at growing things, we had amazing gardens growing up. Mum lived in a house as a child that was infested with cockroaches, dad always made sure mum had a nice home.
Sounds like your better off without your friend then, just plod on at your own pace, you’ll get there in the end.
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Yes that’s my theory, something every day, I get there in the end. It’s about shaping the flat the way I want it. A nice balance not too over cluttered too. As I’m spending a lot of time in the flat, it’s important. I still have to come home at the end of the day. I’m behind on stuff, it took me a while to think like this. People haven’t a clue, both her parents are alive and she not having to keep running to the hospital like me. She has a partner too, makes a big difference.
Tomorrow will be my 2nd birthday without mum has she was in hospital this time last year. I bought a birthday cake and took a slice in for mum. I had to buy my own birthday card because mum couldn’t do it no more. It’s soul destroyingj having to do that. Even now just thinking about it, gets me emotional. I got a Switch coming tomorrow, not sure if to buy a cake or not. It’s what mum would do if she was here. I tell you people who have their parents alive don’t know how lucky they are. I don’t think I fully appreciated mum whilst she was alive. I don’t know, Mum told me I would miss her when she went, I said I wouldn’t. But I do!
Hiya
Of course you miss her. It’s natural. Funnily enough by chance, last night I found the last Birthday Card my Mum wrote by herself to me. God was I in tears for a long time. Enjoy your birthday, your Mum will always celebrate your birth no matter where she is. She may not be able to buy you a cake or a card but she loved you unconditionally and she taught you well. Try and celebrate it the way you guys would if she were here. That’s what I’m planning on doing next week when it’s my first birthday without my Mum here on earth.
Take car
Xx
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I got a old Valentine card with mums writing in, still got a brush with her hair in. It’s funny at the start I didn’t want to get rid of anything. But you have to some stuff. I guess we see things differently to other people.
The first year really is the hardest, so many events to encounter without our parents. You should get some cupcakes instead of a cake, you might get sick of the cake before you’ve eaten it all! There’s still a lot of things around the house where mum left them, it feels like she is still here which is how we are coping. I don’t entirely agree with people saying you need to get rid of some of your savings, I know it will help you get financial help but at the same time you want to put your inheritance towards some thing meaningful. Mum always wanted a log burner in the living room, my sister and I might put our money together and get a gas fired one. I can’t really think beyond that as it’s money we’ve had to lose mum in order to get. Tomorrow will be tough for you but just do what you’ve got to do to get through it
I’m not sure what to do, might pop into town, I’m always in town. I thought of maybe visiting mum. Funny enough that other person has pushed me more to mum. If mum was here she would say I’m doing too much. Had to rest my back earlier. I’m having a bit of a emotional day today, it keeps coming and going.
I’d get the cupcakes, a takeaway and watch your favourite film. Try and make it as nice a day as you can with lots of tea too! Maybe chocolate followed by crisps to get that funny childhood after taste!
Not sure as of yet, my Switch arrived! I’m a bit out of kilt with my Morphine tablets. There has to be a 12 hour gap between tablets. Maybe why I needed to rest my back earlier. I pop into Tescos in a bit, bit more to do at home first.
That’s exciting your Switch has arrived! Have they not given you Oromorphe for when the Morphine isn’t enough? Mum was just on a low dose for over four years, she was told she could take an extra tablet at night when she had pain. Might be worth mention it when you are at the hospital to see if you can do the same
Happy birthday for tomorrow. I know it wont be how you want it, but best wishes nevertheless.
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