So sorry @Wanderers100 . Life just feels so unfair doesn’t it. I am sorry that you are struggling so much. It’s hard to know what to do for the best and also hard to get the support you need. I really hope you can find people to engage with and have some contact with.
We spent some time yesterday looking at photos of mum I had on my phone and are going to order a framed print of one to put up. I miss seeing her so much. It was nice to look at the photos, that isn’t difficult for me. When I go into her room though, I feel lost. I dreamt about her last night and thought yes, you are still around.
Hope your Sunday is not too bad. And know that we do care about each other’s sadness.
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That sounds lovely.
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Also, sorry to hear about your brother but I know what you mean about your mum being glad he was safe. Someone I worked with has a son with Down’s. He’s doing really well but I think there’s always a fear about his care in the long term.
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Hi everyone. When I joined this forum I tried all different combinations of my name but they were taken. I gave up and used my dad’s name instead. It keeps his memory alive and he also liked helping people. My name is Danielle.
My sister and I are still living in my parent’s house. I’ve always loved this house and now it’s full of things that mum and dad made which is comforting. I do worry though with my poster having a boyfriend that she will move out and I won’t be able to keep the house going on my own. He has mentioned twice in the last week about if one day they buy a house together. My sister is at uni so I’m hoping she’ll wait until then. I spent two years at college and haven’t found a job yet. I did interview for one in January but I didn’t get it. Good job really as in March mum was told her leukemia was back. Then when she was told she was terminal my current employer allowed me to take her last month with us off work. I have seen a court job in Edinburgh but it would mean paying £250 a month in train fair. I don’t know what to do, this is something I could have talked to mum about.
I got counselling through college after I lost my dad. It was good to talk to an outsider but also someone who had an understanding of my thoughts and feelings. @Wanderers100 you should really consider bereavement counselling. You so deserve to have a life and to be able to live it. We all feel at the moment that life cannot go on as we have lost people we love, but I know that your parents and brother would hate to see that you are just existing.
My mum was never one for having photos up on the wall. We have the photo my sister took of the 3 of us when the hospital let mum out for the day. It’s on the mental piece and I look at it everyday. It’s good to remember our loved ones of times when they were well and happy, that is how they would want us to remember them.
I am not religious but I do believe that when we die we do go on. I’ve read that when we dream of a loved one who has passed, it is their way of visiting us. The day before mum was told she only had two weeks left we pushed mum in her wheelchair stepping the hospital grounds. There’s a lot of woodland and the whole time we were out a robin followed us. I believe it was my dad. I knew then that things weren’t right with my mum and that it was time. Daft I know but it gave me comfort that my dad was near.
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What does your sister think about the job in Edinburgh @Malcolm2 ? It sounds like a good opportunity but as you say, quite a lot in transport costs.
We are off to Wales today. A friend of my mum’s who I keep in touch with said we would either come back suntanned or rusty! I think rusty judging by the current amount of rain!
I’m hoping these few days will give me a chance to breathe and walk and just be away from the house for a while. I think my hisband needs the break too. He has been so supportive and misses my mum very much too as he lost his own mum 14 years ago.
Hope you are all ok. Thinking of you.
My sister thinks I should go for the job. It’s related to the college course I did. I hate motorway driving, she suggested seeing if I get the job and once I settle in try driving to a station nearer to Edinburgh. It’s only £80 a month on train fair then. I am so excited for your trip to Wales. Like you say, it will be good for you to get away from the house for a while. For mums friend will be able to talk things through with you and help you put perspective on things. I feel for your husband too, he’s lost a mum twice. I’m sending you both hugs. Let me know how your trip goes!
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Will do! Thank you for your kind wishes. Weve just stopped at Sudeley Castle
Sandwich stop first then the castle. Will let you know how it goes.
The job sounds a good one and definitely worth considering .
Hope everyone is ok @Malcolm2 @Ulma @Wanderers100 and everyone. We are in Hereford now, moving in to Wales tomorrow. I think Sudeley Castle is one of the loveliest places I have visited. My mum would have loved it a few years ago when she could walk more. It cheered me up to see the beauty of the place.
Hope everyone is doing OK
I’m here. Struggling a lot, but here. Are you back from the trip? Sounds like you had a nice time and castles are always interesting!
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Hi everyone. It’s been two weeks now since I lost mum. I’ve been feeling pretty numb/weird lately, I know she has gone but can’t believe it at the same time. The funeral directors phoned later yesterday afternoon to say mum’s cremation is next Friday. That’s when it really hit me that she has gone. It think with how quick it all was and dealing with her estate has made me push it to the back of my mind. The grief with mum is so completely different to what it was with my dad.
I am so glad that I found my way to this forum. We are hear for each other for the really awful days, good days and all the other ones in between x
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Hello @Ulma and @Malcolm2. We are still away, have seen some good castles and beaches. Beautiful weather two days ago, very rainy yesterday!
I have thought so many times that I must ring my mum to tell her how it’s going. It feels so unbelievable every time I realise over again. If we were away I always rang her every day. She has been such a constant in my life.
Hope you are coping with the arrangements for your mum, @Malcolm2 . I tried to look on it as a chance to recognise and say thanks for all she did, but again it’s so weird a thing to come to terms with in your mind.
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That is one of the hard things, not having our mum’s to talk to. I used to be out and about and mum would be at home but I would always text or phone her. Going back to work next week will be strange too as I would always text her the gossip. I involved mum with any decisions in my life no matter how small.
I am so happy to see that you have had a wonderful break. I do love a good castle and especially if they are open to go inside and have a nosey. I really need to get on and find things I can do on my own without looking and feeling like a loner!
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Are there any walking groups or similar near to you that might visit place of interest? We sometimes go out with a walking group near us. Some are couples but most are not, and they’re a nice bunch of people.
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Hi @Magsclar that is a good idea, I will have a look. At the moment I am spending my time sorting out mum’s estate, each day I feel something new comes up that I need to deal with. Then I have to go back to work on Monday which will use up a lot of my time. I am not looking forward to doing 5am starts.
How is everyone doing today?
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5am starts sound not great! Ive been lucky to get away and it has done me good to see some lovely places and remember nice things. At the same time I couldn’t help feel so sad that I can no longer take my mum to nice places or do nice things for her. She loved to go on trips in the car a few years ago when she had a bit more energy and could walk more. I have felt this week that she is always with me though, and I definitely know she wanted me to be happy and do nice things when I could. I hope you have a good weekend @Malcolm2 @Ulma @Wanderers100 and everyone.
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I hate the early starts. I work on the same department as my sister which makes it more bearable. We used to do nightshift, got moved onto twilight then, just as mums cancer came back, I was moved to early shift and my sister had to do twilight with no one to talk to. We were both talking tonight about going back and we feel the same way. Watching what our mum when through then losing her has changed our priorities. Our managers worry about things not getting done on time as they get into trouble with the higher ups. We just look at it that no one has or will die because something didn’t get done on time. We’ll do our best but we aren’t knackering ourselves anymore!
It’s so good that you have had a wonderful time, you deserve it. I know it’s hard to not be able to go places with your mum but she will be with you everywhere you go. She will be able to enjoy it too without her body restricting her. Look out for any robins, they will be your mum keeping an eye out for you
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Thank you Malcolm. Haven’t been on here for a few days as just haven’t felt up to it. I echo your comments about work. Bereavement really does put things into perspective. I’m assuming you work in retail like myself. I had to take a break and handed in my notice last year. I kept going back then couldn’t cope and went off sick again with mental health. After 6 months off they started putting pressure on me so I resigned. My thinking is that you can always get a job in retail! I’m living off savings which obviously won’t last forever. Anyway just checking in to say I’m still here!
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I have seen a few robins as it happens!
Hi Wanderers I am in a slightly different position but work is so hard for me as it consolidates my guilty feelings. I think i am descending into depression now which is just making me incapable of doing anything at all . I am managing three days a week but only just. the darkness is closing in i fear.
just wanted to also echo the feeling that attitude to work completely changes and wishing you well