it is both but the only way to meet someone now. I hate it but people are such homebodies so hard to meet out. I do know four older couples who met online.
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Thatâs rubbish about your work. Is there an ally you can ask about why this woman is so unpleasant? You really donât need this right now. The chocolates sound delicious, and itâs a good reminder that a lot of people are kind too.
work place harassment is very damaging and unforgivable it should not be tolerated, is there any mediation available ?
Iâve spoken to my manager who was understanding but not going to do anything. Iâll just deal with it myself because at some point they will start to speak again and I will just be telling them to leave me alone. I am actively looking for another job. My mum spent two weeks at the end of May last year helping me revise for my exam. I owe it to her to get a job after all her hard work and support. We are going to pick her ashes up at the end of this week. That will be a full stop for a while until we feel ready to scatter them. We kept dads as my sister and I never felt ready. Meeting people is so hard, I tired online dating years ago and it was awful! Why canât we just buy someone off Amazon?! Would make life so much easier and exâs could give them ratings out of 5 stars!!!
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Haha that would be a great website! Maybe set one up! But youâre right, online dating is pretty soul destroying. However I did meet my lovely (second) husband online and a friend of mine has met a long term partner and heâs very nice. Itâs not impossible, and there are genuine people out there. You just have to meet quite a few odd ones too.
We are planning to scatter my mumâs ashes at the end of July. We have a plan to scatter them near to where my dad was scattered too. Iâd like mum to be back near her home, even though I know itâs silly really. Itâs not her and she wonât know, but it feels right to me.
Really hope you can find a job that you can be happy in and put your studying to good use.
Thatâs the problem, I really donât need the odd ones right now! I might put my suggestion to Amazon, Prime someone the next day by 1pm. Theyâve started doing this try on before you pay thing for shoes, that would be great. They turn up at the door, you donât like what you see so, send them straight back at no cost!!! I said to my sister the other day I wanted to get mumâs ashes asap as I wanted her home. My sister reminded me that mum wouldnât like me talking like that. Her body was just a vessel that carried her soul about. It what we do with our loved ones is part of the grieving process
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I think the scattering of the ashes is part of the process that helps you feel youâve done the right thing. It did make me feel quite strange collecting them but I know what feels right to do and a natural conclusion. Your idea about Amazon really made me laugh. I think thatâs an excellent idea! Much less hassle. : )
Mum didnât like it that my sister and I wanted to keep dadâs ashes in the house. She had been keen for us to scatter them straight away as she thought it was creepy having them around. We stood our ground and after a while she stopped bringing the subject of scattering them. When mum found out she was dying she asked for her ashes to be scattered with dad. I think she realised after a while that what we wanted was ok and she accepted that we wouldnât do it straight away. She would never admit to be wrong though! I feel that honouring the ashes and scattering them is the last thing we can do for our loved ones and is a sign of love and respect.
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Hi Wanderers 100, Im 33 years old, lost my Mum 5 years ago and my Dad 6 months ago, im an only child and the only family i was particularly close to was my paternal grandparents who passed when i was in my late teens. I have a partner who i live with and good friends. However i was very close to my parents, I used to go out with my mum to wander round the shops pretty much every week and we shared alot of hobbies like our love of rock music. My Dad was the person who i spoke to when i was finding things hard and he always knew the right thing to say. He was always giving me advice and guidance and we grew closer after mum passed away and became each others rock. I have also come to realise that i have struggled with anxiety throughout most of my life, along with being a highly sensitive person. So now im trying to get through grief and anxiety and depression. Counselling and CBT have really helped me but i still have good and bad days. Recently im going through a bad time as my neighbour died a few weeks ago. I have known her my whole life as my parents bought the house im currently living in before i was born. She was the first person that came to see me after my dad passed away, even though she was not in good health herself. If you like reading i would recommend the book You are not alone by Cariad Lloyd, it is a brilliant book. Sending hugs.
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i understand you my anxiety has been awful 
iv lost my mum a month ago and my mind races i have 2 children and im with my family all the time but my tummy knott is still there guess it does get easier but now im still hurting so i understand you and together we will get through this x
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My mum would have thought it was creepy too but I want her to be near my dad. Its just the last thing I can do for them both. The funeral service had lots of references to my dad too as they were so happy together.
I am so sorry you have had soo much loss. I do have people around me and only lost my Mum 10 months ago. I would just like to say that having people around you when you are grieving is not always a help. My children lost their grandma and are all going through their own loss. Some of the time they just donât want to deal with my intense grief and feelings of overwhelming sadness. No one misses her like I do because she was my Mum. I have a brother who did not get on with my Mum and did not visit or support me in her last year. He was no help and didnât want to attend her funeral because he was full of rage and anger. I could not be close to him but had to support him so he would attend the funeral for me. I did not want him to regret not coming.
I have a partner but he is not great with emotions and makes me feel weak and ridiculous when I am unable to cope. If I try and let any feelings out he is always very uncomfortable and to be honest I wouldnât unleash the way I feel on him. I have felt so angry that he would not move to Mums house. So I have cleared and cleaned and decorated it alone, weeping and sad but it has given me some small purpose and my own space for a few months.
I donât share much of my feelings with anyone but friends and only those who have lost a Mum so they can relate.
I donât feel you will find someone in your exact same position if you did they may not feel the same. Grief is so isolating having anyone else around just makes things harder. I find now I begin to relive and replay last year, I have to go for walks and take myself away from people to cry. Once I start the sobbing it would fill the house and my pain is just too much to share as it is mine and so intense how do you share that?
I have found this site helpful in reminding me I am quite normal and despair does ease but loss never goes away and hurts us all so deeply. It isnât talked about and how completely consuming it is and that it just stays with you day in day out. It does only come from love for those people and on days when I am struggling I try and remember my Mum loved me and would hate to see me in such a mess. I was the family rock and the go to person. I was the doer and the organiser. I made Mum feel safe and I helped her to die peacefully in her own home but it has been a life changer. I will never feel whole again and I love my family but they just continue to remind me I am now less than I was.
I donât know if these words help you in any way but even admitting to some of these things and typing them to you just helps me feel less alone 
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Sorry, itâs so hard isnât it. I get hugely anxious too and the knot in the stomach feeling is very familiar.
I donât think I was prepared for how physical the grief can be. I described it best as feeling home sick. It is such a deep, nauseating feeling that nothing can make better and nothing makes go away.
I have struggled at times to manage the feeling.
It just doesnât get talked about much so I felt very unprepared. I have worked in nursing for years so should know better, have cared for soo many but I had no idea!
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Sorry for the late reply, I havenât had emails today notifying me of your messages. With dad I found the grief came in waves, they mostly hit me when I never expected them. With mum I have felt numb for the last four weeks. We went to get her ashes today, my sister and I sat in the car and cried. I have been feeling guilty because I donât always feel it. I didnât realise my sister felt the same and she nailed it, the conscious side of our brains realise she has gone but the subconscious side still expects her to be in hospital. It is good to be able to come here and say how we feel without being judged.
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It does come in waves, and thatâs just natural. Sometimes I feel normal then something hits. Was fine yesterday, went to supermarket and saw a pack of eclairs on sale. Sounds funny, and I donât even like cream cakes! But I remember mum used to buy them when I was young, just occasionally as a treat. She didnt know I wasnât so fond of them! But it reminded me of all the love and kindness when my parents didnât have much money but did all they could for me. Then it hits how much has been lost. All from something small. I am sorry you were so upset today. Itâs such a weird thing to collect the ashes. The funeral home were so nice to me but still I couldnât believe what I was doing. Not feeling very happy today. Consoling myself by watching some Glastonbury on the TV. Hope you have something nice planned for the weekend, even if just a walk or something relaxing to make you feel better.
Sending hugs. It must have been a difficult day. 
It isnât strange that we have a hard time coming to terms with their absence, theyâve been their all our lives, ever since we first became aware of our surroundings and ourselves.
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Thank you for the hug, I really needed it. The grief is so different this time round with mum than it was with dad. I donât know if it is because we knew mumâs time was coming so maybe I was more prepared without realising. I just donât know how I am really feeling from one day to the next. My parents loved afternoon tea and were suckers for cream cakes! It became part of our daily routine over the last few years or so. I think it gave us something to look forward to over the pandemic. Mum and dad suffered hardship many times over the years even into my adulthood. They made sure that we were always warm, fed and loved. Mum was a complicated lady especially after her cancer diagnosis in 2019. She became verbally and emotionally abusive which was hard. But at the same time she cared for us and would go without herself so we would be ok. @Magsclar Iâm sorry you have had an awful day, I hope watching tv has helped. I usually love reading as a form of escape but I havenât felt like it since losing mum. My sisterâs boyfriend is coming over tomorrow and the three of us are going to a garden centre for lunch. Sunday is back to work which I am not in the mood for. The woman who has been rude to my sister and I was off on Wednesday. A few of the people in her group tried to speak, they got shot down. Kind of helped me vent some of the stress that has built up! Hope everyone has a good weekend too, if not Iâm here. Danielle x
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Have a lovely time @Malcolm2 , itâs good to get out. I love garden centres and they were one of the few places I could still get my mum to as she struggled with going out. We are going up to my husbandâs dadâs just for one night as his brother has come down from Scotland for the week with his family.
I love reading too, and also find it a great getaway from my own head.
@Ulma I really feel this too, losing the person who has always been there throughout your life. Have a peaceful weekend everyone.