Hope you got a cream cake or some other nice treat for lunch. Did you buy anything there?
There werenât any cream cakes but I did get a slice of cappuccino cake! Mum loved going to the cafe at this particular garden centre, especially for cake. I bought a dahlia with a pretty pink and yellow stripe. I attacked the tubs in the front garden and planted it in the trough under the living room window. Thereâs so much to do in the front and back gardens, I feel awful itâs got so bad. Mum and dad always had the gardens pristine in every house we lived in.
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Dealing with grief is horrible a lost dad nearly 4 years ago and find it harder now than did at beginning. Especially this year my mental health been bad as has been in a long time days feel like screaming ive totally changed as a person life isnt same and never will
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Definitely with you. Mum and dad died 2021. At present suffering very badly from depression, depersonalisation, anxiety amongst others. Not been out since last October! Have all shopping delivered and anything I have to do is so difficult. Even forcing myself to cut the grass yesterday. My grief is just undescribable. But I do like to come on here even if itâs only once a week. Otherwise I donât connect with anyone who is in the same horrible position. Be nice to have you in this group.
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Thank you so much for your kind words. Youâre young to have lost both parents as you are only in your 30s. Yes I struggle immensely and it is as though life isnât worth living and I do think sometimes no one would miss me if I wasnât here. They really wouldnât. Not that I would do anything silly but you get my drift. I know people say things like " Your mum wouldnât want to see you like this" etc but thatâs easy to say when youâve not been in this position. Or maybe those people can handle it better. Anyway I just had to say thank you and also for the book recommendation. 
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Hi Malcolm I did manage to go to our neighbours meet up last weekend. It was tough at 1st as I sat with an old school friend who is currently looking after his mum. So of course the conversation is all around illness, death etc. It doesnât help that about 7 people have died in my road these last few years. They were all elderly but that generation is disappearing. Then of course you realise weâll be the next to go. When I moved on to speak with some others the conversation was more trivial but it made me feel a little better. Dad used to go to these meet ups so I do hear some nice memories of him. Everyone always says what a gentleman he was. Best to you all on here.
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When I lost my dad I had the same feeling, I really hated my life and didnât see the point of it. I had no friends, didnât go out except to work, I was at college but it was online due to the pandemic. It was a strange feeling as I had no intention of ending my life, I guess that it is one of the many stages of grief. It all got too much and I got to the stage where I realised it wasnât good and needed help. I spoke to my course manager and she got me six counselling sessions, they really helped. I know I need to keep an eye on my mental health now after losing mum. @Wanderers100 I am so glad you were able to go to the get together, talking about your dad is a good thing to do, itâs keeping his memory alive. It really is good that we have each other to talk to, we understand what each of us are going through
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True. I know one couple who met online. Itâs just⌠going online to date feels like you need to be at your absolute best, if you know what I mean, which is hard when youâre grieving. Iâd rather meet someone naturally, but as you say, it doesnât happen that way now.
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I know what you mean Iâm not mentally ready and my body needs a bit of work and a crash diet!
I donât even know what I would write in my profile. Hi, Iâm a mess and struggling with depression and anxiety. Anyone interested? 
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I donât really like the âthey wouldnât want to see you like thisâ. Of course not, but how does that help? It doesnât ease the pain and I still have to bear it alone, because they arenât here. 
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Ulma you would say you are an amazing compassionate person with an unlimited capacity to care for and help others as I see you do in your posts. Online dating I have no idea about or would ever venture on to.
You are not alone if you post on here.
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@Ulma you could start your own dating website for people like us, struggling to come to terms with loss who are looking for compassionate people. At least we would be meeting others who have suffered loss and understand how we feel. People who have never lost a loved one just do not understand
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Sounds nice, good for you in doing the planting. I think itâs really important to keep going for them. I know my mum worried so much about me and I wouldnât want to let her down. Hope the cake was nice, it sounds good.
I was pretty worn out afterwards but I made a good start. There was a planter outside our front door with a dead standard rose in it for well over a year. It was too heavy for mum to deal with so yesterday I attacked it with gusto! Then it was cutting down the dead daffodil leaves and weeding the tubs in the front garden ready for planting. Iâm nowhere near as experienced and knowledgable as my parents but no one will tell me off if I get it wrong, Iâve just got to learn for myself. I hope I can make my parents proud. I recommend gardening to help with grief. The cake was delicious and gave me the energy boost for the garden, when the sugar high dipped my neighbour brought my chocolate delivery over so all was well in the world again! I hope everyone has made it through the weekend ok. Sending you all hugs for the week ahead x
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Thank you.
Thatâs an interesting idea! Youâre right, itâs difficult for those who never have experienced a loss to understand just how much and how deeply it affects you and all parts of your life. I envy that kind of ignorance at times. I know I once had it too and everything somehow seemed lighter back then.
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Oh yes, the chicolate delivery too! That sounds great. We have a garden, itâs not that big but seems to take a lot of work to keep it in shape. Iâm not great at telling which is weed and which are flowers sometimes! We have some pretty roses out now though and a nice small willow tree with nice, light coloured leaves, white in places. And various other flowers including a couple of alliums. All looking cheerful anyway. Wishing a good week to everyone x
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@Ulma it would be nice if there was a website where we could go to find friends. It is so difficult to seek out like minded people where I am I donât know about everyone else.
@Magsclar more yummy chocolates, there are t any left! Our garden isnât very large but like you there is a lot to do. Itâs so nice to sit out in when itâs all done. I love roses too, we have quite a few. I have ordered an RHS almanac to assist me!
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We joined the RHS because thereâs a RHS garden near us. In fact it was the first place we went to a couple of days after my mum died because I just needed to get out to somewhere soothing and quiet where I could just walk. Felt a bit down tonight so have put the tennis on to watch.
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