My mum only had me so she relyed on me. I have memories or flashbacks all the time. Just had a couple. I just washed my hair what I got left and got the clippers out. Couldn’t get a haircut during lockdown so we had to improvise. Shops were in short supply of clippers so like everyone else bought from Amazon. I remember 1 time I trimmed mum’s hair, which is kind of funny as she was a little concerned I might scalp her. I didn’t but she did looked better for it! I’ve had a few days recently I felt a bit under the weather and it reminded me when mum would keep me off school and get me doing jigsaws. I don’t think we will ever forget and I think the tears will still flow. I’m not sure if there’s a cure for grief, probably isn’t. We are going to have to live with it, till it’s our time. I don’t think counseling will resolve that. Maybe spirituality can play a bigger part in going forward for us ? Everyone looking for answers on here, it’s starts off with support and advice and then it quickly turns to why me. Unfortunately it was their time and death is part of life. I watched a few You Tube stuff on NDE and if we can understand death better and just maybe it’s not the end. Maybe it’s like a caterpillar to changes to a butterfly. I don’t totally understand it but I know there’s been a lot of work done on the subject. We never stop learning through life why would death change that. Also at funerals death is celebrated through our loved ones and the life they gave us. In that way we are lucky to have had the experience of life with them. We just don’t think about that when they are alive. Death has changed us and I think it’s another learning lesson in life.
Everything you’ve said is relatable with anyone grieving. That’s why memories are so important because they never age do they, I once cut my dads hair made a right hash if it, got me thinking I used to cut his fingernails when he was really poorly and hold his cup with his straw in. That’s why your like a spare wheel when they not here anymore your purpose seems to go, so you just have to pick yourself up and make a different life without them all, it’s tough but it’s doable. There aren’t a lot of choices really, ive always been very resilient had to from being a kid, so it’s probably helped me now
Counselling is more focussed on me and the past
I would take death, not really happy in my city. It feels like I’m alive to fight cancer. But I think my health has took a downward turn in the last year. I feel carry a bag from Tesco’s a work out! even slightly out of breath doing it. I am fighting a uphill battle no way will I live to 95 and I don’t want to either. That be a prison sentence, governments have made life in England as unsavory as they can.
Whilst in Tesco’s I bumped into someone I knew from security. Not seen him for a while! so was telling him what’s happened to me. My SIA badge runs out think on the 20th, can’t see me going back into security. I like talking to people on here and at Maggie’s as I can sympathies with you and patients at Maggie’s.
Having cancer on top of grief will make you question what’s the point now but there’s also a chance to revalue your life and make positive changes too, I think cancer survivors feel like they’ve been given a second chance and I imagine that makes you have a diff outlook on life going forward.
Reaching out for support is never a bad thing either, we all in the same boat and everyone’s grief is different but we all want the same, a few reassuring words
I’ve had to cancel my lung thing earlier as the letter is quite strict. No tea or coffee two hours before, can’t smoke or vape 2 hours before. No heavy meal 2 hours before. It mentions flu and cold via two weeks before appointment. I came down with something on Sunday still not sure if that’s COVID or not. I’m noticing that about grief and people. We might as well spin the roulette with our health. Nothing means anything, I noticed a drop since Myeloma diagnosis. I feel I’ve aged since my mum’s passing. I do notice carrying stuff back from the shops.
It is a challenge, it does add to the mix and makes me stand out. But there’s other people that have been effected by Cancer. It does make you question life and death. When I say life every little thing from a spider to a bird, squirrel. I not through it yet and obviously things are getting delayed but I’m in no sprint that I’m aware of.
Everyone has to try to make every day matter no one knows what’s round the corner, nothing surprises me anymore, life hands cruel cards to some, my brother was 7 years younger than me and to be taken how he was when you see wastes of space is just unjust in my eyes. But life is very cruel sometimes you might as well go out with a bang and enjoy every minute instead of worrying about it
Don’t worry about it, I want to believe there’s somewhere we go that’s better then this realm when it’s our time. I think we need a makeover when it’s all over as yes it’s a workout now. It didn’t use to be things have changed so much that people feel they are now living under constant pressure of life. So much it’s hard to enjoy life anymore. Like you said Myeloma has put me at a crossroads and a partial reset in my life. The strange thing for me is I can tie Myeloma with grief. We all in the same boat on here and when I do Maggie’s I meet others dealing with Cancer or been effected by Cancer. Once there’s that common dominator we all got the same disease and we can learn from each other. That word again learn it never goes away. We not stopped learning and that might be the purpose for our existence. I read stuff about revues about your life when you die? I know I could of done some things better. Which leads down the spirituality path again.
Just evoked a memory tidy up mum’s drawers. Find a book of info about St George’s Hall in Liverpool. I told mum she should visit Liverpool. We had a weekend there together visited St George Hall, Beatles Museum Albert Dock, The Cavern, Hard Days Night Hotel and saw the Lord Mayers Show. Awesome place to visit and I love the scousers. Mum back in the 60z used to work the Odean Cinema which also operated as a live venue too. Well the Beatles performed there and my mum met them. So visiting Liverpool bought memories back for her. Wherever you go in Liverpool there’s statues everywhere of the Beatles.
That’s a great story your mam meeting the Beatles ! Brilliant
I can imagine your mam leading an interesting life working down there in the 60’s. My dads best mate as a youngun was the guitarist from stealers wheels (stuck in the middle song) he came to dads funeral, totally cool he def stood out. Dad would have been chuffed to bits
It might of been before they came really famous. She did say they was like normal lads, nothing special, not stuck up or anything. Maybe that’s a Liverpool thing ?
Don’t think they were stuck up quite funny guys really when interviewed, John Lennon was my fave he was such a talent
John Lennon was, Paul prolonged the life of the Beatles. Another 9am hospital appointment tomorrow. Think the last few days at home as helped me a little.
Good luck 
Can’t claim ESA down to not enough National Insurance Contributions. So that just leaves pip and savings to live off. Got a right dumbo from the DWP!
I didn’t know they based it on ni contributions surely you can get something
I got pip but that’s only 700 something. I leave the rest to your imagination. Can’t claim any other benefits as I’m over the threshold for universal credit. Mum would be turning in her grave if she knew.
Shocking they will expect you to live on your savings then
I’m trapped, trapped with Myeloma, trapped with grief, and trapped with survival. I went over this with the welfare person at Maggie’s. I’m not happy about it! spending mum’s money on debts, rent, heating, and Council Tax. Mum went away that’s doubtful at the moment for me, it is depressing! The big cruel world we all live in. I should get another consultation with my doctor I might ask her how long I have to live ? she told me Myeloma would shorten my life but not by how much. I hardly done anything with my flat, I have no funeral plans in place.