I don’t blame you where do they expect you to park ? What amazes me is how strong people actually are when they are dealt with losses, as humans we are pretty resilient when we need to be. There’s so much out there we incapable of ever knowing life/death its a fine line
Went to Durham cathedral tonight, Vivaldi four seasons was been played by 4 musicians was absolutely beautiful candles all around, lit candles for my family it’s given me a nice sense of peace
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I was invited to do that in November 23, I went alone, it was organized by the funeral people. I did approach them I said I’m on my own, their reply was no you not we here with you. Which I will never forget, it touched me to be honest with you. Even thinking about it I’m wiping my eyes. I think you find support in churches from who you wouldn’t expect. That’s is so important just not on here but friends and anyone you come into contact I with. I got my spiritual thing later and hoping to get new sofas on Tuesday as friend mum is selling her sofas. Mum slept on the old sofa and I don’t know old they are. I more or less lived in my bedroom since mum passed. So it would be good to open up the flat a little. I’m trying to stay a little more positive yesterday under the circumstances with my ongoing war with the Council. No mail for a few days so that’s good news, especially from the Council.
Sometimes you just have to change things gradual, ive quite a lot of bits around my home from mam n dads, it’s nice to have some around without being overwhelmed by it. Be a good thing to make use of whole flat, it’s baby steps grieving, I was walking up road today listening to my music when this white feather just floated down in front of my face ! It couldn’t have been any closer ive kept it. It’s not first time either.
We take comfort in things that people might brush off as coincidental but I believe it’s more than coincidence it’s never happened before they died
Yeah, don’t think I’m a believer in random stuff. I’ve always been a person who has to see some logic whatever it may be. I’ve not just going to believe something because someone else is trying to convince me. But at the same time people that are closed minded really irritate me. They use the Bible, Science you name it to aid their argument. Where I just want to learn after all I think that’s the 1 of the reasons for our existence on this planet and death is part of that learning process.
Had another reading tonight in my spiritual group and whilst I didn’t recognize the spirit that came through, there was other parts of the reading that did resonate with me. I was told I was quite open minded which I would like to think that I am, and I should consider joining a open circle in some time. Which I may consider doing as I want to understand a lot more about meduimship and how it works. I think it’s one defining question we all want to know, what awaits us when it’s our time. I seen You Tube videos on NDE and it’s totally changed them and their believes. If goodness can come from Spirituality then it can only be for the best for everyone.
I think you have to be open minded with everything no point having tunnel vision on things, the map of heaven is an amazing read about life after death. Told by a neurosurgeon who actually had one, these people are usually non believers it was fascinating.
If this is what comforts you I’d keep at it, and learn more about it too
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There’s no end of stuff out there about the subject. It is a fascinating subject and one we all will have to face. We never stop learning till we die our selves. I think that’s for a reason , nothing is wasted, everything has its purpose. Didn’t sleep great last night so not got much done so far. On chemo days and day after I have to take 10 small steroids. I thought a drug called Thalidomide was causing me to have a cough and nose discharges but now I think it’s the steroids causing it. I only have to take with Dara chemo injections. So should get a break from the steroids next Friday.
Do the steroids not keep you awake ? I can just remember when dad had them for his lungs and he was up a height !! He said he felt great sadly didn’t last.
I believe there’s possibly more to learn when we die too, but I do believe how we behave in this life dictates our next one.
Yes couldn’t sleep at all developed a cough and discharges from nose. Usually sleep with hankychiefs under pillow. As it can stain bed sheets which I don’t want. Think I got some sleep at 11 am which meant when I next look at the time it was 4.30 pm. I know other Myeloma patients have had problems with sleep when taking these steroids. Maybe the SCT will stop a lot of treatment but it also carries risk and could have a impact on health. It is what it is, you just have to except and live with it. Something the real world doesn’t seem to care about with non stop talk of benefit crackdowns. Gets on your nerves reading about it! What is it they say no news is good news ?
I seen videos on You Tube about NDE about a life revue when we cross over. But my life would be so much better without certain people in it, governments, Councils, police and hate to say it some woman. I did say some as my mum bought me up so I know that’s not totally true. The truth is we quite a hideous species, selfish, greedy, corrupt, violent, aggressive, self loathing, every thing that the Bible says are bad we are. I not try to not think about it too much. But when it’s my time to cross over I won’t be coming back. I tried my best some things I could of done better. But I think there’s no rights or wrongs in life, as I said it’s a learning curve. But it’s not the same life we grew up in and I miss that so much.
It’s definitely a different world now, not a place I’d want to bring children up in, since losing what I have ive taken a step back I’d say with life, I’d like to say I’m invisible now if only haha. I just surround myself with people who bring something to my life and vice versa, ive no time for selfish greedy people, I’ve brought my sons up on my own and thankfully they are none of them things. I’d say I’ve done what my purpose was. It’s just now learning to live a different live without the ones that have passed over, hopefully one day I’ll get a zest for life again
Today feels weird as the day is almost finished but to me it only feels like half a day has gone. I would like to think I gave purpose to my mum’s life as I was the closest person to her. There was a closeness even though sometimes it might of been a little stifling. But I think it was meant to be like that. I said I wouldn’t change anything about my life with mum.
They say you have choices when you die you can stay in the afterlife or choose to come back. The 70s and the 80s were the best times to grow up in, today nah wouldn’t want to be a kid growing up in today’s world. Would of liked to had children though but being a parent today as got tougher. As you are always in a fight with social media, what’s exceptable and what isnt., a ever changing laws that aims to punish people for the softest of things and is fast eroding our rights as human beings. A desert island would be the only answer! You being controlled as a parent today, told this is how you bring your child up and it is so wrong.
Your spot on with everything here, USA has banned TikTok I don’t blame them either, it’s a nightmare social media for young ones especially girls, I’m so happy my boys are grown up and I didn’t have girls ! It’s a good age to be in your 50s now because you don’t hold back on things and take no shit.
The countries goosed you don’t know who’s living near you anymore your a second classed citizen now, things that us normal people see that’s just wrong the ones in higher power don’t, I can’t get my head round that fact
I think it’s just career politicians now, I do think Jeremy Corbyn and John McDonnal were kind of old Labour especially McDonnal. That’s the problem wrong people in charge who don’t 8know what they doing or do they care ?
Girls, woman can cause a lot of problems, but so can my sex I guess. Like I said I will explain my logic and reasoning to a higher power when it’s my turn. I never really hid from anyone even though we seem to live in those times where people hide more then they ever have. We seem to reward those types and the honest ones gets punished in this tipsy topsy world we live in. I managed to do something today even though it feels like turning that corner isnt easy.
I think of Malcolm a bit the things she put in here about her finding hard to get rid of things that belonged to her parents. But you have to make a start, at first I was reluctant to get rid of anything. But you have to somehow declutter and kind of stamp some kind of
identity. A lot of the stuff mum had won’t apply to me, I can’t see me reading Agathy Christie books, but I could do with the room. So gradually step by step I’m doing a little every day. Also her sister is going through cancer related stuff and is using Maggie’s. Even though I didn’t do last meet, not sure about Feb as of yet. You do need a break from Myeloma.
?
I wish I’d see mum
In my dreams. It’s been 5 days. It’s so weird cos I’m a dreamer, but why am I not seeing her? I miss her beautiful face 
I need her so much
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Post Edited, didn’t know robots had feelings but could be wrong about today’s Mad World!
Oh yes big brother is always watching you, freedom of speech doesn’t exist in the minority these days
I think you just start decluttering in your own time, it’s not an easy thing to do. My mam had birthday cards from being 8yr old she kept all sorts I told her I’d never get rid and I won’t. I do need to get rid of some stuff eventually though. Most is stored away, my home isn’t a shrine ! I’d never move on if it was, it’s the things that were sentimental to mam are now to me, it will prob stop at me I can’t see my lads keeping stuff like that they will hire a skip haha
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You do and at first you can’t face it and it’s overwhelming both physically and emotionally. I don’t know if I’m lucky or unlucky it depends how you look at things I guess. My grief for mum has been interrupted by Myeloma. Today I bought 2 sofas off a friend. I been more of less living out my small bedroom since August 23 and at one point I felt like I was turning into my mum. 5,7 fractures in your back will do that to you. I still not through my Myeloma journey either, but what will be will be. I think depending how close you was to your parents also had a impact on you, I was the closest to mum. My aunty in OZ has told me it’s my life now and it was mum’s time to go. Deep down I know this to be the truth, but it’s still your mum at the end of the day. Some people have very close relationships with their mums, I guess I fall into that catagorie. I’m made some progress today!
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That’s the thing isn’t it some people are closer to parents than others, my parents had a few issues which made them quite selfish at times, i prob ended up being their parent towards end, doesn’t take away the fact I loved them both dearly, my brother though he had a different opinion he distanced himself from them, he could take or leave them until they both died then it hit him hard mam dying, which sadly led to him dying too young 45, your childhood does severely impact you as an adult it’s something I’ve had to battle along with grief too
I have regrets I could of been better to mum and I would say there for her more. But I was trapped between social workers and carers. I had lost mum about 5 years earlier, yes mum lived to a big age but she deteriorated. I still did stuff like washing, but I tried to stay out of the way of the carers. I wanted help towards a car and I went with mum to get a scooter, the plan was to take her out. But I was up against it, the times I picked her up off the floor. Because I knew if carers saw her on floor they call paramedics and she be back in hospital. I obviously didn’t want attention in that way. Mum didn’t want to go into a home. The care company was fleecing mum and I was powerless because I struggled with Power Of Attorney and I was working too. My work was my only life escape. Carers took over and mum would be asleep most days, her body clock had gone and she had dementia but I was never told how serious that was. I missed my trips out with her because she understood me and feel I could tell mum anything.