It feels like a heightened awareness! Sometimes I feel like a character in a book rather than real life- I think the brain can’t quite take in all the sorrow! Xx
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Well said all of you we can cope better if we go with the flow.Some days maybe calm others like like light swirling rapids.x
Thanks for the virtual hug KarenF.
Hugs back to everyonr who is suffering.xxxx
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Ps.I don’t know where the word light came from,i don’t believe i’ve witnessed light rapids.xx
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@JustSomeBloke . l thank you for your suggestion to zoom but unfortunately technology is not my forte, l can just about turn on my laptop, but thank you anyway
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Please dont give up sweetheart. Its been 9 weeks since my Mick passed away in my arms and im trying to find the joy in the simplest of things. Its a struggle. I feel so lost without him. Im just so thankful my time wasnt up before his and that he has been spared the pain of losing me,something that he feared but that i am now going through. I so relate to each and every one of you. Sending love and healing thoughts into your heart 
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I’m not doing at all well. 34 months on and I’m losing the will to carry on with this broken heart. 
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@laraine.g1 I’m so sorry you are finding life so hard still. But I can understand. It’s fourteen months since my husband died and I still struggle. Life is so cruel. I miss my husband so much and the pain I feel is the same as when he first died. Try to keep going as I do even though some days I just feel like giving up. Our hearts will probably never heal but we will learn to wrap them tightly and protect them.X
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Karen, your words make perfect sense. There is no way to feel except how we are feeling at any given moment. Try not to dread your significant day coming up. As silly as this might sound, I too was dreading the same, what would have been my Micks birthday on 13th May. We used to go to his favourite restaurant on his birthday and he planned to do so this year, not realising that he was end of life palliative care (I kept it from him) and too drugged up on Morphine to understand how sick he was and that he would no longer be here. The thought of not being able to spoil him, buy him a card, gifts, watch his face as he opens them in bed is too much to bear. So I have been saving to take a few of his closest friends to his favourite restaurant, on Micks birthday, my gift to Mick, and remember him and all that he meant to us. I’ve battled with guilt that he wont be there with us but I know he would have loved for me to do this and it will be an intimate, reflective occassion where Mick will be the centre of conversation all evening. Whatever your significant day is my lovely, take a wee pause to think about how you and your loved one would have celebrated, and do it in celebration of his life and create a new memory. Im sure he would be (and is) incredibly proud of you
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I love this…it continues the bond and connection and celebrates their life. Death causes us to focus too much on the ending but their lives were so much more than death and it’s so important to carry them forward with us
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Thank you @Annalisa
I have just got through the anniversary of Richard’s death; the next would have been our 30th wedding anniversary and he had already suggested we have a party for it. I have instead ordered an eternity ring which should be delivered in time for the day, 15th May. I think that is of greater significance to me than my birthday shortly afterwards as I had birthdays before we were married whereas a wedding anniversary is ONLY because of our marriage.
The day after my birthday we have been invited to his best man’s 60th birthday party which will be another emotional event.
I’ll breathe again in June!
Love to all dealing with significant days ahead.
Karen xxx
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Karen
What a lovely idea, an eternity ring. You are doing so well with everything and always so positive. Keep on being you x
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Three weeks ago I felt ok. The anniversary of my husbands death two years now was on the 24.4.23. Coming up to the date I felt and still do feel jittery and keep getting morning anxiety that last until about 3 o clock in the afternoon when I seem to improve a little. The anniversary of his funeral is looming. I feel anxious all the time after thinking I had made a man improvement. I’m finding it difficult to go out again and feeling depressed and sad. I don’t know how to feel better. Life is such a struggle x
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Nel, I know exactly how you feel. My husband has been gone for over two years now and like you it’s not getting easier in fact it’s getting worse. 
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dates will always pop up:cry:its my first birthday without my wonderful husband. We always watched the new marvel movies and guardians of the galaxy is out so my nephew will come with me i will have a picture of Bri and yes i will cry:cry:
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I’m also like that. After 2 1/2 years I’m still devastated. Yesterday I cried for 4 hours. Couldn’t get out of bed all day. Didn’t go to my class, the only scheduled thing I have all week.
I never had many friends so I am extremely lonely and can’t imagine this will ever get better.
I love people but, at age 65, I still don’t know how to make friends.
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I feel the same way Eliot. It doesn’t get any easier. Paul was my whole world. Take care. X
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and thats the hard part isn’t it I moved from the south to the Midlands as my family wanted me there. I don’t have friends here I’m 68 but a very young 68 where do I go to meet people who like what I do like music punk ska rock. I like sci-fi movies I like going out to eat. People of my age seem to switch off. Brian wouldn’t want me to stop living as I was doing he like the same things that’s what soulmates do so where do we go what do we do? Please don’t say crafts , knit and natter. I’m not ready for that so I will do some voluntary work with dementia and see what life throws at me. I do my crying at night alone
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