Yes, I’m in Edinburgh. If you read my story when I first posted you will understand why I’m totally broken.
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Hi Nel, I think most people on here know how you feel. Sometimes you wake up and there’s just that huge brick in your stomach, you don’t want to get up but you don’t want to stay in bed either - you just want your old life back. I’m 2 and a half years into this new life and although I really try, volunteering, joined different groups, go to the cinema & theatre it still all feels false and yes weekends and bank holidays are hell. But please try and join something as I find while you are there and talking to different people you do feel better, and if you are invited out, go - to anything - its better than sitting thinking. Isn’t it sad there are so many of us out there and we don’t know, if only we could all meet up and have a really good chat. I do wish you well and hope in time things get to feel better for you X
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Will take a look at this thank you
Hi there. I am in Manchester. So not a million miles away. Here if you wish to chat x
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I,m in goole so not far away from you janebee
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HI @Maz1948 you have hit the nail on the head when you said about doing things it all seems false. I went out with family recently and although to them I seemed to be joining in and enjoying the day, to me it was though I was on the outside looking in. I can’t really explain to people how I feel all I know is that whatever I try to do I am not really part of that happy group anymore and oh how I wish I was.x
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I am in Manchester. Please feel free to contact me, if want to x
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Hi be good to meet up sometime, unfortunately I have no transport at the moment
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Yeah im the same, im more comfortable at home alone than i am with people. I can spend time away with friends but im longing to be back home again, its like the world is continuing around me but ive just stopped without knowing how to be my old self again. Im convinced the day Jane passed was the day the old me died too and now i just dont know what i want to do anymore.
And now its the worse time of the week where families get to spend time together doing mundane things something i wish i could be part of again.
Im in NW London
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I totally agree. At Easter I spent the day with family and tried to act ok for the grandchildren. I felt so lonely. I bottled it up until the tears just ended up falling out. Luckily I was able to be away from the young grand children. I’m worried that either the pretence of being ok for their sake will be too hard or they won’t want to be around this new sad Nana.
I walk along the street when I have funeral things to deal with and I don’t even feel part of the world. I’m disappointed in myself because I want to die and I know deep down that isn’t the answer as it would put the family into this same hell that we are all trudging through . I just want to be the happy positive person I was 5 weeks ago but try as I do, I just can’t do it. 
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The trouble is that ive become so good at hiding my true emotions that many people think im coping and that couldn’t be further from the truth. The tears and the hurt come out in the evenings when im sat alone wondering why Jane was taken from me so suddenly and why im living with this emptyness that is absolute torture. It doesnt matter what i do im always thinking of what Jane would so or say in any situation. I wish i could be with her but then im passing my grief onto others, but then maybe i should be selfish for once and just worry about me
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My stepson and my daughter plus family encouraged me to let my feelings out .there worried about me making myself ill and I made my gorgeous fantastic wife sue a promise not to do anything stupid as she would never forgive me and it isn’t fair to put my family through this again
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Hi Loobyloo2, yes it is such a weird life to be living. I too feel like an onlooker not really part of it. Things can only get better - surely?
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Yep i understand exactly what youre saying ! Nothing seems worth it anymore … going out, staying in 
all seems so strange now without our partners doesnt it :(even goibg to shops is weird cos no hubby to come bsck to and tell him what youve bought ! Ooh this life ! I wish it was over tbh … just feels like im treading water all the time very negative at moment ! Soz
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It was the same with my Wife, thankfully she died at home and in our bed, which were her
final wishes, it is painful to watch your loved one suffer the way that Jan did in her final few days, I was beside her until the end and her final hours were peaceful as she slipped away
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I was with my gorgeous fantastic wife sue at the end and was holding her hand in the hospice .feels odd coming back from shopping and hospital appointments and sue not being here .feels horrible
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Same with me - he was at home ! Dont like to think of that last day tbh … it was too sad xx
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Max Loobyloo you are so right. I too feel as though I’m on the outside looking in. I’m good at pretending whilst out the breaking down at home. Nothing really seems to matter as much. I feel I’m marking time and wonder when the sun will come out. It crept out for a moment and then disappeared. How do we move forward ?
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Recently ive felt really mad with him (,although i know its not his fault really),for leaving me here alone … to fight this life alone ! I didnt want to do it alone its horribe ! Its really hard 
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Being angry with your deceased partner is a well recognised part of grief. Have you tried writing down these things to tell him? I know because I’ve been there! X
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