Actually i probably do need to do that ! Ive got a journal but ive not written in it for weeks ! Probably do need to tell him in my journal - yeh good idea 
will do that tonight … x thanks xx
3 Likes
i shout at brian asking why he left me? but i chat away to him all the time. im not angry with him. im angry with a system that let him down🥵
4 Likes
Did you ever think it was gonna be this hard ? Cos i didnt !! A young man i know said to me today - how are you ? U feeling better - felt like saying oh yeh i just woke up one morning and everything is ok now !! Honestly , people really haven’t a clue have they ? X
9 Likes
It really does feel like they have deserted you doesn’t it ? I didnt feel like that at beginning … i just felt horrendously sad 
1 Like
Deb5 some of people keep saying you should be over it now .they have been told by me to not ever contact me again as i wont be responsible for my actions .i,m not angry with sue its the way the hospitals failed sue and i want some answers from them
3 Likes
This is how I feel sometimes
1 Like
I know Debs - exactly how I feel. Any number of friends do not replace that closeness of one’s lifetime partner. I’m told things will change but not expect anything too quickly. Hang in there and search for small joys to get you through. We should meet really as talking is the best therapy. X
3 Likes
Yeh exactly its that closeness you miss ! He knew what i was gonna say before i opened my mouth and vice versa ! I did love him so much … i didnt want him to go leave me ! I get so angry this has happened to me ! Why cant it happen to one of the idiots in my family ! And trust me theres plenty of them !! As my husband said before he passed … whys it always me ! Bless him ! Life can be so cruel and so unfair !!! 
2 Likes
Hi Nel, I have been taking an antidepressant called Citalopram for about two weeks now. It is also suppose to to help with panic attacks.
I found this NHS link and I thought you might like to read about it. About citalopram - NHS “It usually takes 4 to 6 weeks for citalopram to work, although you should start to feel better after 1 to 2 weeks.”
I feel different now and also calmer but my hands are shaking a bit now. Sorry, cannot say much more about it so far. - The bit I do not like is the headaches, but could also be just a coincident. - Perhaps you could ask you GP about this medication. Take care, - Nick
2 Likes
Thanks Nick. The headaches will go. I took Citalopram for my anxiety for twenty years. It is the only time I was anxiety free When my husband died it stopped working and have had to change. I have never had the same success with an antidepressant since. I think my grief just feels too large. It’s back to taking an hour at a time. X
3 Likes
Hey nel ive been taking setraline for over 10 years now and its kept my depression and anxiety to a manageable level but this grief is taking no notice of my meds, depressions back with anxiety, the only comfort i can take is id be even worse if i wasnt on them in the first place, cant imagine worse than what im feeling
5 Likes
Do you not think it is better to let the grief out in whatever way we can, rather than suppress with medications and their various side effects - just asking? Mine are still in the packet and I hope they stay there! X
3 Likes
@Jazpur I think you are right. If you have not had previous bouts of depression you let the grief out as much as possible. My Dr gave me a few Diazepam 2mg tablets to help through the funeral and a couple of difficult days afterwards. Since then I have allowed myself times to grieve and allowed the grief to flow when ambushed and found I do not need any more pills. If you have needed anti depressants in the past, then it is different.
3 Likes
I woke up this morning with the giant scary anxiety in my stomach. I have somehow managed to walk My little dog but am now home and feel like an empty anxious shell. I face a whole day stretching out before me and cannot wait for the night to come so that I can take my sleeping tablet I do t know what to do. How do we move forward with all of this. I feel lonely and empty no matter what I do and the anxiety that I feel on waking just keeps bashing me over the head
5 Likes
I can totally relate Nel. I try to keep busy but I am only going through the motions. No matter what I do nothing brings any enjoyment. I feel like I’m on the outside looking at someone else doing these things. I can’t imagine ever feeling better. Take care and know you’re not alone
7 Likes
I feel exactly the same Nel. I’ve woken on and off since 3a.m. My stomach is in a complete knot. I loved my life and now I absolutely hate it. I too go through the motions for other people’s sakes. The funeral is on Wednesday and the closer it gets the more dread I have. I never imagined life could feel so different. Wish we could change it for us all.
1 Like
Feel just the same - so hard to go on each day x
1 Like
@Nel . l am not struggling , l am giving up. l cant do this every day. the isolation and lonlieness is too much. l cant even watch the world go by as lm in a corner house at the wrong end of the cul de sac. if there’s no more to my life than this l see no horizon.
4 Likes
I have tried everything today to calm myself. I’ve cried I done breathing I’ve walked I’ve tried to sit with the feelings but am getting nowhere. I ask myself why cans I wake up and feel calm. It’s two years tomorrow that my husband died and today I feel as if it has just happened.
3 Likes
@Nel . if you’re still struggling 2 years down the line, what hope is there for me and lm only a few months in.
2 Likes