Hi Karen
Your episode at Screwfix bought back memories for me. Only weeks after my husband died I decided to decorate the house (like you do). I was in B&Q thinking how well I was doing and the realisation that my husband wasn’t at home or outside in the carpark hit me and I felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach. Fortuntely I was in a quiet aisle early in the morning and managed to have a cry without anyone seeing me. We have allotments and I was about to get the seed potatoes, which my husband always took care of and I realised I didn’t know which potatoes he preferred and burst out crying. Working on both our allotments also keeps me busy and this is what he asked me to do.
Sympathies to you and full realisation of what you are going through. Take care
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I agree. My husband loved going to B&Q and the Screwfix catalogue was the most read book in the house. I called them the “boring shops”. The first time I had to venture into B&Q was awful. I just grabbed what I needed and almost ran out.
I thought things were getting a bit easier until the TV license was due to be renewed and the reminder was in his name. I thought I’d notified everyone not long after he had died but he’d only renewed the license a couple of weeks before he died. I don’t know why but I just broke down in tears whilst I was talking to the bereavement department. Even after 13 months it’s still very hard.
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Hello jsg,
I feel your pain. I was told my Husband was terminally ill on the Friday and he died on the Sunday. What a shock it was. I feel as though I have lead in my stomach and my heart is breaking. It was the second marriage for both of us and a real love match. I was so lucky to have him for fourteen years, but I expected longer. He was 79, but a young at heart 79. My neighbours have told me if they saw one of us in the garden they knew the other wouldn’t be far away. Like you, we did lots of things together and talked about everything.
His funeral was last week. I was very lucky in that both the lady funeral director gave him a beautiful service. You WILL get through it, but it will be hard.
Sleep for me is an absent friend too. Hopefully one day I will feel less lost and vunerable.
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I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad very sudden too, a year ago on the 25th November. He was only 64 too. He went swimming and the next thing my mum has a knock at the door and it was the police. He had died alone in the changing rooms. I feel your pain getting that call and having to find out over the phone. Nothing makes sence as when you last saw him he was ok. The same as my dad. I feel for you in these early stages. You will be in shock. The trauma is intense. I was 19 weeks pregnant and my sister was 38 weeks pregnant. She had to do a long drive like you from London to Northampton. And I often think what she must of been feeling driving heavily pregnant in that state. It must of been so horrendous for you.
I found a little peace at my dads funeral. Me and my sister both wrote lovely words about my dad. Although I choked up my sister had ti read mine. But knowing that he could hear us and we could say all we wanted one last time to him. Have you been to see your husband at the funeral home yet. Or are you going to? I found it peaceful holding his hand. And lying on his chest. My daughters wrote him letters that I tucked in his suit. He had our scan pictures even the dogs blanket on him. The funeral people must of been laughing with my poor dad. It may help you. We did a memory table at my dads wake and ordered memory books for everyone to write a memory and message to dad. That was lovely. I still read them now. Gives me great comfort to know how loved he was. Sorry just throwing out some ideas for you.
Take each day slowly. Don’t be brave for anyone. Don’t hold anything in. Keep his clothes so you can cuddle into them when you want to feel close to him. I double bagged my dads T-shirt that he had worn. I swear I can still smell him when I open up the bags. I am trying ti be the person my dad was. Take all the positives from your dear husband and think/do what he would do. Keep his memory alive by talking about him all the time. I don’t talk about my dad in the past tense. Me and my kids still say “this is gangangs (grandad ) for example. The physical pain will get easier. The sadness with never leave. But you just learn to live with it in different ways. My heart really goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of hugs and strength. Make him proud at his funeral. Xxxx
Yes I have. I’m now nearly a year into loosing my dad very sudden. In the last 2 weeks my brain has only allowed me to see my dad, hear his voice, I see every part of his face so clearly. I can go back to my childhood home, back to memories from 2 years ago or 20 years ago. I now love it. I love that my brain is releasing these memories. Even though sometimes it makes me so sad. I get comfort that I can have flash backs. Or when I’m alone I can shut my eyes and be back with my dad again. But this took a long time. I used to shake my head and cry out when I saw my dad. I didn’t want to, now looking back. It hurt to much. And then I felt like I was loosing my memory of him but it was my mind protecting my heart. In time you’ll be able to see him again. And when you do you will be so happy as it’s your brain telling you your ready to xxx
This evening I have been trying to light a log fire but the paper won’t light. Log fires were my husbands thing and he had the had fire removed so sitting here cold, crying and angry he isn’t with me - Friday nights in the autumn and winter were always special: wine, chilli and a film whilst cuddled up on the settee - now its just me
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I’m feeling exactly the same as you, not cold but angry that he left me on my own. I miss him for so many reasons. Nothing seems “right” anymore for me.
I’m sorry that you are feeling the same.
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Sending hugs I could have written this it was December 20th and I can’t remember much of last Christmas it was a sudden heart attack and I found him on the kitchen floor we had already brought gifts for each other so unwrapped mine Christmas morning without him and his were quietly moved from under the tree one minute I’m looking forward to Christmas the next dreading it keep plodding on I guess .
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Christmas must have been so hard for you. I am dreading this Christmas- my husband was Mr Christmas, he loved it. He would get all the decorations down from the loft, put lights round the kitchen and we would have two trees - red and gold for him in the living room, silver in the kitchen for me. it was our turn to have his grown up children and he did a fantastic Christmas dinner - they will go to their mothers now. We always spoilt each other at Christmas although we tended to buy experiences for each other which the buyer would join in with along with a couple of small gifts. I will miss being someone’s special person and I am already missing having him to indulge as I saw a hoodie in M&S I would have bought him yesterday which was exactly his colour - it floored me x
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It was a blur to be honest, we both love Christmas and spoilt each other ,had stockings even the dogs,and I totally understand how you feel I was like that with husband/wife Christmas cards which we exchanged for 40 years I will do my best this year to enjoy it with the grandchildren and children but it is our anniversary on the 7th of December so lots of firsts to get through I will be so hard I think of him and talk to him multiple times a day still lots of tears too sending you hugs xx
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Hello Georgie15,
I lost my husband of 35 years last year. it was not expected.
I feel like you that the person I was has been lost forever. I liked who I was but now I am sad & struggle with the new life I find myself in. Now you have just told me I am not the only one feeling like it. I want to find the bubbly happy person I was with my darling husband. We just have to believe in time we will cope & be happy again. I completely understand how you feel. You are not alone. We must try to be strong & brave but I feel I am stuck in this dark hole all alone. Plod on as you say. Big hugs to you & everyone feeling so lost, alone & low . Take care love yourself, be kind to yourself Diane x
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Thank you Diane for your kind words x
It’s such a struggle isn’t it ? I do have bad days and better days (not good) but am trying to carry on for the sake of my family especially my two sons. I had a wobble a few weeks ago and my boys didn’t tell me off but told me they struggled too and it gave me a wake up call that it’s not all about me. One lost his wallet and was more upset that he had a picture of his dad in there but luckily it was found so he’s ok. The other one keeps a picture in his warrant card (he’s a police officer) I do sometimes forget they are suffering too as they were so close to their dad who attended every football match they played, every open day at school and hours and hours in a swimming pool when my elder son swam for our county. He was a hands on dad 100% and they miss his presence so much. But they have their own families now and it’s me alone night after night pretending to them I’m ok when I’m far from it, sometimes. So I’ll keep going for their sake and try my best to be a happy mum 
All the best Diane
Georgina x
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I went on a shopping trip last week and all I could do was stop myself from buying the hoods that I wanted to buy for my late husband ( he died Easter this year) all of this is new and I am dreading this Christmas
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I lost my husband 22/11/22 very suddenly we don’t even know of what he was only 40 (I’m 39) I’m just over a week into it and the loneliness is the hardest part we have 2 kids (15 Yr old girl and 13 Yr old boy) and my son has been sleeping in my double bed with me as I can’t bear to alone at night. My LH best friend came over last night and I felt weirdly at peace after he left, I just feel the loneliness when my kids are school. I need things to do as my husband was on a 0 hr contract so was home alot of the time and I just miss his company. I just want him back I know I can do this I’m just terrified of never finding love again, especially when my kids grow up
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I’m so sorry for your loss. To loose someone suddenly at such a young age is so tragic, for you and your children. It’s very early days yet for you and you will miss his company but I’m sure you will find comfort in your children. They will soon be breaking up from school for the Christmas holidays so they will keep you busy. Stay strong x
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Hi @Victoria83
so sorry to hear you have lost your very young husband so suddenly; I thought it was bad enough losing mine aged 60.
I know what you mean about missing company. It is my lovely husbands sense of humour and being able to share what we each did during our day I find the hardest. He died in April and I am doing OK getting on with tasks which need doing but not being able to chat about them with him or ask his advice hurts. We were so happy in each other’s company and loved having time together so, like you there is a big hole.
My only advice is to keep busy, which is the only thing I have found which can help a bit - less time to sit and brood.
Sending you love and hoping you find the strength to keep going. xxx
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Sorry for your loss I too am totally all alone and lonely znd dreading Christmas . Thinking of you take care
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I miss everything about my husband but especially his sense of humour. He could always make me laugh even if I was annoyed with him. We shared a daft sense of humour and love of puns and word play that no one else got.
It’s been just over 16 weeks now and it feels like it’s getting harder. I am finding it really hard to get out of bed and motivate myself to do anything. It was the anniversary of when we met last week and we always celebrated - it would have been 13 years. I am dreading Christmas and New year. It’s my birthday on 4 January and we always used to do something special and we were going to go to Ragdale Hall for a few days. I just feel so lost and the physical chest pain is so dreadful sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe. It’s so hard to keep going. It’s made worse by not having children as I feel as though I have nothing left of him
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I really feel for you. Your husband sounds like mine was. It is very hard at any time but Christmas is always worse. You see all these people laughing and happy and all you want to do is go to bed and pull the covers over your head.
I am fortunate in as much as I have children and they are brilliant, but they are still grieving for their dad too so I try and put a brave face on.
I hope you soon feel a bit better. Stay strong x
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