Thankyou Carol for your words of encouragement. They mean a lot. I also still talk to my husband and find it helps. Sometimes I shout at him too for leaving me like this. Reading everyone’s comments on here gives me hope.
Love and peace xx
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so sorry for your losses I belong to the U3A and sing in a choir
I livde in Northants
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Other people have no idea. Time is not a healer for me. After one year without my wife I feel worse as my whole life has been capsized.
A shrink said I am suffering from unresoved grief and PTSD.
Hopefully, in time you will cope better me.
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Everyone is different when our daughter died in 2006 our world just fell apart. It took at least 5 years to feel something like ourselves.
Now my husband has died suddenly from an heart attack (June 2006) l don’t know how l feel.
I know l have to keep going. I still feel the pain, loneliness. Longing, guilt to have my family back.
I would love to go back and tell them both how much I love them and miss them. But l know l can’t. So I take one day at a time, xx
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Madeline you are not alone . My husband was 66 when he died last year. It wasn’t a sudden death but a short illness but I feel cheated too and often wonder how I am going to live without him for the many years ahead as I am only in my 50’s. Like you I am angry that my husband didn’t get a retirement or even some kind of illness that would have allowed him to live rather than die. I don’t have any answers but I hope you can see that there are plenty of us out there.
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Thank you for your kind words Ferret8. I can’t believe just how many of us there are struggling to cope with this. That just shows how cruel this world is. How can there be any meaning to life with such cruelty in it. I keep looking but can’t find the light, only darkness without him. His photos surround me and all I can see is a strong fit man who was here one minute then gone the next. How can that be? Why? Where has he gone?
Nothing makes sense any more. I hope we all find inner peace one day xx
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It’s horrible isn’t it.
I knew I wasn’t alone when Mark died as many people suffer the same, but the amount is beyond belief. Especially people at young ages. Its heartbreaking.
I know what you mean about the darkness…I feel dead inside. My heart went with him and I feel so lost. I try and be strong for the kids but all I want to do is curl up in a ball and hide away. He would hate me for this but I just don’t know how to do it. I’m so lost without him, and feel anger. I look at my family, friends, strangers…and they all continue with their lives but mines just stopped. I never thought he would leave me like this. We never said goodbye and that’s what hurts the most. I would’ve told him so much more.
The darkest days take over, like you said, but hopefully one day they may brighten a little and we can do this for them. We know that they love us and never chose to leave. One day the pain may lesson.
I hope it does.!!!
We’ve all got each others backs on this sight, which shows we’re in this together.
Lots of love
X
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I feel your pain and the point of continuing is that it was his time to go whether we like it or not but it is not your time yet. You are still here for a reason and I hope the pain will get lessen with time, I lost my husband of 58 very quickly 6 months ago and I do feel your pain, I miss him so much.
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I understand it all just hope it will go
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I am so sorry for your loss.My husband died suddenly in June 2019. He came home from work saying he was going to bed as he didnt feel right. It was a Saturday night and we were both tired we had just come back from a wonderful holiday in florida a few days before. My thoughts at the time ,he must have jetlag. He was fit and healthy and never ill. He was 56 and lived life to the full. Later that night in hospital he suffered a heart attack and never recovered.
I think of him everyday, have many good memories which helps me. We had been together since we were teenagers so would say that he wouldn’t want me to suffer. He would wish the best for me and to get on with my life… You never get over this kind of grief or move on as many people would say to you. They have no idea of the magnitude of what you have to deal with.
I have had some councilling which was probably too soon. Doctors gave me antidepressants which have helped.
My life now is so very different now. I am so lonely at times but managing to learn how to enjoy my own company. Only you can make things change, life is too short and it is best to try and have the best experiences you can. I have travelled on my own, taken up hobbies and make sure i have time with family and friends.
Sometimes I do wonder what would have happened if he had survived the heart attack. Knowing that he would have had life changing symptoms i do think it was best for my husband to have gone quickly.
I do feel he is by my side and talk to him every day. I think I am here for a reason and believe he will guide me.
I miss him so very much, he was my hero my soul mate. It has been just over 3 years now so hopefully my story has helped you a little. Take care of yourself.
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Hi Helenm,
your comment about what would have happened had your husband survived rings so true with me.
My husband was always busy, teaching driving, looking after his farmland, looking after the garden and house maintenance. To him he was what he could do. He was incredibly strong, loved playing football and pool and valued himself only for what he was capable of. I have no idea how he would have coped had he been resuscitated. I think he would have hated his new life if those things had been restricted or not possible at all. It would have changed who he thought he was and I feel sure he wouldn’t have valued himself at all. We live in a small village with no public transport so had driving been restricted he’d have felt awful and a burden to me. Plus if he had seen me having to do jobs he used to do he would have felt worthless.
For my husband, going out like a light after playing football was better for him. It’s us who are left to pick up the pieces of life but we will, for him. 
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Similarly, my hubby wouldn’t have coped with any illness, it would have changed who he was.
I’m thankful I didn’t have long term care like so many on here - he would have been a terrible patient!
He was out with the dog 19months ago & collapsed - gone in the blink of an eye.
Things ease over time but my “moments” I embrace as I regard them as my connection to him.
You accept & adjust to a different life. As I’d want for him if roles were reversed.
As my dad always said, if they are in your head and your heart - they aren’t far away.
Take care.
G. X
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I’m so glad I’ve read your post.
Do you know? I never even thought about this…but reading it has really made me think about what my husband would’ve been like if he had survived and his life changed dramatically, due to the sudden death (still no PM report, so unsure of cause). But this really makes me think about what his life might of been like after it, maybe thats why he let go. He would’ve been a broken man if he couldn’t do what he loved to do. He was horrendous when he got a spider bite and was off work for 7 months. He couldn’t do anything and it tortured him, it really did. Maybe that’s why…he didn’t want his life to change…wow…I never even thought of this. Thankyou so much for sharing this, it really has hit home, and made me think alot of him and the whys.
I know I will never know but it really makes me think about what would’ve been, and it definitely wouldn’t of been a life he chose, that’s for sure.
Thankyou.
Lots of love to you
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Faylou,
It’s certainly an aspect of my Richard’s death which helps me cope. Of course my daughters and I valued him for way more than what he could do but the point is, HE didn’t. We’d have still loved him to be here even if he was less of the person he was but the change would have altered his personality too, I’m sure.
In the same way, now I have thought about it since he died, he would have hated growing old for the same reason. I thought we wanted to grow old together but in fact, he wouldn’t have wanted to grow old, full stop.
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Hi K
It has definitely made me think about it alot.
Of course we would have them back in a heart beat. I’d do anything for Mark to be with us.
It was something I never even thought about till reading your post.
Thankyou for opening my mind slightly, as my heads all over the place. It has helped me look at things a little differently xxxx
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I’m so sorry for your loss I know exactly how you are feeling I lost my husband last February only 61 I still don’t see my future without him been together since 15 he was my world I struggle everyday to get out of bed but I know I have to for my 2 daughters and 4 Grandchildren life is so cruel mine will never be yhe same again just so heartbroken
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my days are becoming darker now I just cannot be without him
he was my world
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It’s so hard isn’t it. I don’t know about you but I try and remember the good memories and I talk to him all the time,about everything.
He’ll be listening to you. I’m 3 months into this horrendous journey and everyday is a struggle but I do it for him and the kids.
I can’t advise you what to do,but please remember you are not alone.
I have started counselling and the first session helped me to just talk,and talk abit more. I cried and got things off my chest, which was a little release, which I needed.
I hope you are OK Debbi xx
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Debbie I am in the same situation and it’s tough. Everyday I just get on with it - I look after our dog - I look after my grandchildren - I struggle looking after myself - but what is the alternative? I think of him and still love him -these thoughts make me content - I know we loved one another and I remember the happy times and he went so quickly he suffered no pain and I know he would not want to go because he loved life. These are my daily and nightly thoughts - I think this time is adjustment for our lives - you look back but we are frightened to look forward because there doesn’t seem much joy in it. I hope you come to some sort of terms with your grief - I am still married to my husband and he is still in my life - just not physically but every other way. Keep going and do things for others if you can and give yourself a few treats - like a coffee in town or a trip to the cinema with your friends/grandchildren- this is what I try and do. Thinking of you Susan
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Hi
I lost my dear husband 22/4/22 he was 63 years of age, he too had a heart attack in bed at 06.06am , I feel your despair, it is cruel and so seemingly unfair!
I too dread living on without him, we had been together 50 years and married 43 years, he is was my life xx
I will be thinking of you and your dear daughters and grandson xx
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