Monday i found myself struggling massively with my emotions, I felt sick, I felt sad and dizzy and faint and had no idea why, or what was triggering me. Yesterday (Tuesday) I found out you hung yourself, and took your own life.
This loved one had an on going problem with their mental health, bad problem with drink. I tried my hardest to support and love them, but on occasions when they’d drink they would be really nasty to me. I ignored it for ages, but I felt enough was enough, I couldn’t deal with it. So two weeks ago marked the last contact them and I had, I blocked and removed them off everything on another drunken outburst of verbal anger towards me.
To then find out they killed themselves, I feel such pain, I feel so sad, I feel confused, I feel guilt, I feel to blame, I feel anger, and parts of me feels relief for them, because I knew how much they were struggling and how many times they’ve tried with pills in the past… to then take it to the next level; by hanging.
I also feel a massive part of blame and guilt, I feel if I had t of blocked them two weeks ago; could I of helped, would she still be here today to reply to the hundred WhatsApp messages I’ve sent them.
My heart is hurting and I simply don’t know how to go forward. .