Swearheart…
Stay strong.
Somethings people say without a second thought can be so hurtful, can they not?
I have taken in a few of those too.
I become speechless or numb with hurt and take hours, days, weeks to digest it at times.
The hurt just keeps chasing me. I imagine myself talking to or reasoning with or shouting at the person… somehow putting it straight but it never happens. I end up just having to deal with it myself. Weeks sometimes. Some of those comments I have nrver overcome ir resolved, and they can be so corrosive.
I can totally see how you see it and it makes perfect sense. Perfect would be that holiday you planned and also the rest of your lives together.
Have been dreading this evening all day, its now 9.15pm when we were told that his life support machine was going to be turned off, in one hour at 10.15pm he will have been gone exactly 13 weeks, I’m sitting here alone , missing him so much, I can’t be around anyone in case I bring them down with the depressing mood I’m in… Why did this have to happen ?
I have been thinking very much like you this evening, WHY did this happen, I know Sharon was in unbelievable pain, but why now, why didn’t I sense something was wrong.
I don’t think other people appreciate what affect dates, times, places etc have on us.
I met up with friends tonight who meant well and wanted to get me out.
They by coincidence picked the pub where we first met and where even sat on the same table. I had to fight back the tears.
I hope tomorrow is not so low for you.
That must have been hard Richard, I truly understand and feel for you, I mean that.
Although I may come across as not very sensitive, I am, but I’m good at hiding it.
My kids say I’m strong , and if I am I wish I could bear some of your pain for you.
Didn’t expect to feel so anxious and panicked today, even with the Valium I took I’m still not calm. I’m worried but not sure what I’m worried about. I hate sitting here alone with my thoughts during the day., I’ve no motivation to do anything. Just so agitated
I know exactly what you mean, I’ve been all anxious today, I know this might sound strange but I know it’s not to do with Sharon in particularly just general anxiousness and panicking.
My close friend that knew Sharon for even longer that I did, text me earlier to ask what he can tell people that ask what happened to Sharon, why do people feel they have to be like that, I don’t want anyone thinking any less of her because of what she felt she had to do, she was amazing and my universe, why would he ask, she was wonderful
I’m sorry for going on it just upset me
There’s no point in keeping the facts from people, but they can be kept to a minimum, their pain got unbearable and they decided they couldn’t live with it anymore, though there are people who like to hear the less filtered details, if you get my drift.
Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think a death by suicide gets more interest , than a straightforward death from illness, old age , or accident.
But I don’t think nobody thinks any less of our partners, maybe it’s just us feeling that way. I really don’t know , and Richard you are not to be 'sorry for going on ’
I’ve just reread my post, I want people to know what happened, I was just miffed that my mate had to ask first, he wouldn’t have asked if was an accident or cancer for example he would have just told them.
Just had the police on the phone I have to do a formal statement for the coroner, they told me the tox report has come back, they make it sound like she was an object not my beautiful wife.
It’s the little trivial things that are getting to me like Harry was drinking directly from the milk carton today and put it back in the fridge, he wouldn’t dare do that with his Mum.
Yes I understand where you’re coming from with the police, no sensitivity compassion, just a routine call for them. I can’t remember when you said Sharon’s inquest is, but I’m sure it’s around the same time as my partners, 9th July ?..I’m expecting the coroners verdict to return death by misadventure while under the influence of alcohol, he/she will make a few recommendations to the mental health, then he will become just another statistic.
I feel really weird right now, I’m on my own at home tonight , I know I feel lonely , but I’m not sure if I’m panicking or my blood pressure has shot up, I can’t relax , I so don’t want to be on my own right now , but I don’t want anyone round me either… Very confusing ???
The inquest for Sharon is the 16th July.
I know exactly what you mean about being lonely, I feel so alone at home, this is the first time in my life I’ve lived alone (my son’s never in during the evening) and I really don’t like it, but when I go out I don’t like it either.
I don’t like shopping by myself especially when I walk past the things Sharon used to pick up like popcorn.
it’s the small things that upset me, which every one else would not understand.
I’m sitting here trying to occupy my self, but my mind can’t keep still, I’m flitting from one idea to another, no proper train of thought. I really don’t know what to do.
And as for the staying in / going out thing, you spoke for me too, I want to do neither.
I want to phone someone or someone phone me, but I don’t want to talk to anyone, I’m sitting here shaking my head as I write this, as I’ve not got a clue as to what’s going on. I know we can sometimes get our days mixed up, but I didn’t know today is the 27th… I thought it was the 20th,
It’s now 12:45am and I can’t face going to bed without my princess, I miss her so much, I know it’s only been 6 weeks but I still think to myself that she will be back.
How is every body doing today???
I guess i am heart broken and feeling alone.life is not fair and i wish i had my Fiance back at this point as she was always the one too make me feel like the world was not soo bad and depressing.cant be botherd to get out of bed today and i guess i should just too be more productive.its veen two and a half years and i am still not the person i was before.
I’ve been out with a learning disability youth club today, manly as a distraction for me and we went Gig rowing. But it’s the little things I previously took for granted that really affects me, like the fact I won’t be able to tell Sharon about it, and after the rowing they went for Ice cream and they served Movenpick ice cream which was Sharon’s absolute favourite and I just burst into tears in front of the poor teenager that was serving.
I know people say it’s still early day’s, but I just can’t control my emotions at all, if I feel myself well up, I can’t hold it back.
Looked after my grandson until 3, then made every diversion possible to avoid going home, a couple of hours later and several £’s lighter, I had to admit defeat and comeback. I feel very emotional and the tears won’t stop, my house is a tip and I’ve no motivation or interest in doing the housework, so I’m sat on the sofa crying my eyes out as I write this, and feel physically sick from grief, anxious, panicking and feel like I’ve got a knot in my tummy… I can’t calm down , and no Valium left either. I hate everything I’m feeling… I hate everything full stop !
Oh Alana, I’m so sorry, but I know exactly what you mean, except I’ve gone the other way and can’t stop cleaning, I think I’m wearing the carpets out with all the vacuuming. I’m staying at my Mum and Dad’s for the evening because I don’t want to go home.
It’s the not being able to hold back the tears in public that’s affecting me, if something happens and I feel the tears coming, I just can’t stop them.
I know they say not to hold them in, but these are total strangers.
I’ve been told to stop being so hard on myself, apparently I’ve always been like that, not just because of the past event. So I’ve agreed to have my friend come round this evening, not that I feel I really want to but it might just take the edge off of things…a diversion maybe,on more a positive note it has made me do a bit of cosmetic housework, I doubt they’ll find out I’ve shoved everything in the cupboards. I’m glad you’re staying at mum and dads, and not home alone x
I’ve just got home and Harrison is there with a girl he has introduced me has his girlfriend, she seems very nice, but I’ve had to lock myself in the bedroom and cry because Sharon will never meet her and I met Sharon at the same age as he is now.
why does life seem so unfair, Sharon was so special it’s just not fair.