For sure Ian, I still talk to her every day , lots yesterday but I’ve learned not to do it so so often.
I was so bored today , I walked to her grave just to say hello , it gave me comfort and that’s what it’s all about .
We are dealing with something no one can prepare you for, ever.
I just received my wifes ashes 4 days ago. I have put casket on her bedside table with all her personal stuff that she kept on bedside table.
Every morning i put my hand on casket and say Good Morning, Have a nice day. And in evening when go to bed i do same and say good night…sleeptight.
Since receiving her ashes a calmness had come over me. Think it is because she back home with me.
Is this proper behaviour?
Hi Grahmpy
I’m so sorry for the loss of your wife and I hope you will find this site as supportive as I have. You can post whatever you are feeling and no one will judge or criticise.
You must do whatever you feel is right for you. I lost Ian 15 months ago now and yet I still text him twice a day. I tell him what I’ve been up to, any worries etc and it does help. It keeps him ‘alive’ for me.
X Julie
Hi grahmpy, pleased you posted this, no it’s not a problem and I’ll tell you why, some people will say “oh thats not right” and before I walked these shoes as we all have now, I would have said the same and in fact have done but, since 14th July this year that was my sues cremation on receiving them I can’t scatter then yet, I don’t feel ready and I told my self I will have another Christmas with her and then the time maybe right, so exactly has you been told no one here to tell you what to do, do has suits you and bless you 
To show you grahmpy this is where she resides untill that day, I’m having some jewellery “rings” made with a bit of her ashes in thrm for me and the girls and she be with us all time 
Thank you for replying. Just like you i am not sure when i can scatter her ashes…it just feels that would be soo final for me.
I don’t think many would say it’s not right tbh .
I’ve learned each of us are so different but in unity of one thing , we are all grieving .
You get comfort from what works for you , I buried her ashes and I’ve got her a headstone ordered in a cemetery 5 mins walk from my home and opposite the beach in Northumberland, she’d be so proud and kinda knew this was what I wanted .
Again not for everyone one but works for me , I wanted somewhere myself , family and friends could just go to forever, now we can .
@Grahampy Yes this is a good behaviour as I do this too, I have a spot where I have my husbands ashes (there was a bit of a drama with that) next to his urn I have a photo of him, the other side I have a memorial light with a verse on, then on the wall just above & behind the urn I have ‘Our Song’ with all the words in the shape of a heart, see photo it will make more sense, the song is ‘When will I see you again’ by 3 Degrees, quite apt really when you think about it, he was in the forces when we first met and this song summed us up at the time as we never knew when he would get leave again, but like you I felt a lot of peace when he ‘came home’, I actually hug his urn every night and kiss it while looking at his photo and say sleep tight, then pat & kiss in the morning and ask him if he knows what the day will bring, and I have done this every day since he came back to stay, (1st time he didn’t stay long he had to go away again for while), but he’s been gone now for nearly 5 months, I’m waiting on a necklace that has some of his ashes in and hoping it will arrive in time so he can some with me and our daughter when we go away for a week next month…so yes it is proper behaviour, it may not be for some, but it is if it feels right for you.
I won’t be scattering my Barrie’s ashes either, I have used some in a bush I bought for his spot in the garden, my son has used a little for a memorial bench he’s got in his garden, I have some going into a necklace for me to wear all the time when it’s ready, and my daughter is still trying to find that perfect piece for herself as she also wants his finger print on, as for the rest of the ashes they will remain in the urn, and if I ever move the bush and the urn will come with me, then when it’s my time to go I have already instructed both my son & daughter, that they can use part of me for what they want, but the rest of me I want mixing with Barries so we will forever be together.
Definetly there is nothing wrong with your behaviour I have my husbands ashes at home and I also have an ashes to glass heart necklace with I never take off and can kiss and hold when ever I want and never feel that he’s too far from me it helps a little especially the necklace
Hi evryone, I’ve had people say tell me don’t keep pictures and stuff around,if you keep seeing things it will make you sad…
I doesnt, my husband died 18 months ago, I keep his ashes under a red rose in a pot.When I go, my ashes and his will be sprink led in our favourite place.
I talk to him when I’m I
garden ing, sometimes telling him off when I can’t do something he used do, I find it a comfort.him being there saying good morning and goodnight sleep tight, and love and miss you,I did think about.ashes to glass memorial,but could not dig up his Pot of ashes,which have been in this since the day of the funeral,didn’t wa nt to disturb him,he loved his afternoon naps,so do want whatever makes you happy,your grief is your own.x
I also tell my husband off for not being here when I’m trying to do jobs and can’t do them so I’m in floods of tears and determined to do whatever.
I tell sue off daily for going sometimes several times a day
I often tell Ian off, especially lately. First for going and then secondly for leaving me behind. I’ve tried for 15 months to live a life without him but all I’ve ended up doing is just trying to get through another day.
Life is so hard as so many of us on here know.
X Julie
I totally agree with a you say and I know it’s only 5 months and it’s just so raw
Hi trixie,it’s 18 months for me,
This year,! My second, has hit me harder than last,I miss my Glenn more than ever,
I’ve recently spoken to a councillor she said it was normal, your first year, your busiest,everyone around you it all feels like you are having a bad dream, you can’t believe it, the second year, that bad dream become s reality, youve got to learn to live your life without your loved one, it’s so hard tho, each day for me is like the day before, weekends are the same, my pain isn’t quite as bad, so all I can hope for it gets better.
We all know on this grief site, that when we say We know how you feel. WE DO.
I’m 18 months in as well,I can relate to everything you have just said The First year I was told to keep busy didn’t have time to think the second year reality has hit cos I know he is not coming home. I find the nights worse especially now it’s getting darker on a night and the weekends. I always say morning to him and goodnight ,I tell him about my day. Sometimes I feel as if the world is still going round and I’m stood there still.
Yes nights for me are the hardest,you close the door,the emptiness is deffining, so I put tv on just for noise,sometimes, watching,!! but on my kindle the same time.
I’ve never liked winter, always.suffered with SAD but so much worse now.During the summer I would stay in garden as long as possible, I talk to my glenn, and I think it’s ok to do so.and yes I think you realise the second year they arnt coming back.x
I’m going to do a teams meeting one of these days so we can all chat in real time, I’d enjoy that
