I know how you feel i lost my dad just after lockdown and around lockdown 2 then last oct i lost my rock linda in oct 24 my soulmate at 53 after 14 years together and die to marry this year to covid in hospital as they have dropped the ball letting it back in hospitals i believe and get how you feel just cant get into anything not looking after myself too despite trying to care for my partners mum now who isn’t well herself and lost her daughter on top its easy to lose the will i get you on that fighting the loss and not having that chance to grieve is hard im so sorry your where you are its a horrid place to be big hug from me just chat if it helps i can try and help you make some sense out from another perspective if that would help 
Martin x
Dear @Alone1
2 and a half years for me and I still have all those symptoms, except the nightmares -
Nightmares at night that is - feel like I’m living a nightmare in the day though.
The extreme exhaustion is the worst.
Unless you’ve walked in our shoes it’s impossible to explain to anyone how just getting through each day, painting that smile on, doing simple everyday things, existing is just such hard work …
Love, hugs and strength
Thank you, beautiful words Martin. xx
Today my friend messaged me and said that it will take time but I need to find a new normal.
I don’t want a new normal, I was happy with the old normal and would give anything to have it back.
@Poppet1973
Yes I’ve had that said to me as well. I really don’t know where some people are coming from? Where are the brains. Id rather people not say anything just give me a pat on the hand. It’d mean more than words can say. Xx
I know exactly hiw you feel x x
I don’t want a new anything!!!
Nothing will ever be ‘normal’ again…
That’s what other good minded friends and family don’t get,!
Take care of yourself
Love , hugs and strength
Well said, ive been told to move on and find someone else, and today to find a new normal.
People don’t understand, I’ve been asked as time has gone on if I’d look for someone else, apparently I’m still young enough. I politely say, I’m happy enough on my own, I’d rather have my Derek but as he’s not here anymore, I don’t feel I need to have someone else. I’m lonely sometimes but I’m lonely for him, he was the love of my life, my best friend & can’t be replaced. 
Well said. I feel all this.
They said to move on a week before the funeral.
@Poppet1973
Ignore them! I’ve started to shut my ears to what people say. I just nod and smile. What is normal anyway? Move on to what? My partner was my life. I don’t want anyone else. If I can’t have him I don’t want anyone else. He was my soul mate. X
I don’t go out unless I need to, like you, my husband was my soul mate and I don’t want anyone else. He was my everything.
@Poppet1973
Having a bad day today love. Been ok but can’t handle it today. Keep telling myself he’s still with me willing me on. But today I feel as if I’m hung on with my nails and I’m gonna snap. Feel crap. X
Me too, lately I feel like ive hit rock bottom and just want to give up. xx
@Poppet1973
We can’t though. Before I thought about just going to sleep and not waking up. To totally give in and join him. My head is so muddled again. I wasn’t doing too bad plodding on but today it’s been shite. X
It is not yet 5 weeks for me since I lost my husband who said the previous week he didn’t want to die. We were married 44years at Christmas having met may 1980 and married later that year.
We had a wonderful marriage but now I am totally alone having neither family or close friends .Laterally he did not want me out of his sight We just lived for each other. I am thoroughly lost, no motivation nor appetite. Luckily I have a little dog and we walk every day, that was my only outlet these last few years but I could only be out for an hour and my husband was looking out the large window for our return and often just held me so tight as he thought I had gone away. I felt so sad for him lost in his own world, alone Dementia! He had forgotten everything of our marriage and even my name. Lucky for him he died peacefully in his sleep & I and little dog were there with him all the way. Now some days I can’t imagine how to go ahead without him by my side . It all seems so desolate. Best wishes to you from Scotland
Dementia is cruel and so upsetting.
You sound as though you had a fabulous marriage and were very happy, just the two of you together in your own cocoon and that is so precious.
It’s terribly sad though that now you are alone with your memories but your little dog must be a comfort for you and makes you have to go out.
This place could just help you by putting all your feelings down good or bad, anger, happiness, loneliness and someone always answers with their own story and we are literally all in the same boat having lost people who we love n adore.
Is there no one at all you can physically reach out to…In your village or a local church.
My head has been all over the place this last three weeks of losing John n I’ve scoured the net trying to find organisations where I can make new friends whilst still having my old friends. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger so maybe bereavement counselling might help you. Look at other things on this site n there might be something to help you…
Thank you for responding to my recent poster my recent bereavement.
At the moment after 5 weeks of sheer torment I still feel very confused and upset I often go for 2 or even 3 days without speaking to a soul …my sincere thanks for your kind helpful even caring words