Hi there, i can remember how much i dreaded the funeral. I felt sick days before, couldn’t sleep & my stomach churned. I did however get through it as i’m sure you will. It wasn’t easy & i was numb & all a blur to be honest. I take my life day by day & hour by hour. Still long for the person that’s missing & wondering at times what is my purpose now. I was a carer for my best friend & she’s the best friend i’ve ever had. I know there will never be another. I wish you well & hope the funeral goes ok for you.
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Hi Spike7. I know just how you feel. My wife Bev died in February 2022after a short, ten week, battle with cancer. I have just returned from a week in the Scottish Islands but going alone wasn’t good at all. Several times I nearly turned for home on the way up and contemplated coming home earlier than planned as it was so lonely without her. I am still receiving counselling but nothing can fill the massive hole in my life or my broken heart. Only us poor souls on this site know what life is like after losing your partner so never think you are alone, there are thousands of us. Keep your chin up, I won’t tell you it gets easier, just some days feel slightly better.
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My heart goes out to you and Debs, I don’t even try and say things relating to my late husband to anyone anymore he passed 3 rd Jan the love of my life, they don’t really want to know or listen, why don’t this generation show feelings anymore why are people so hard faced when it comes to death with their care less attitude and she’s ok it’s been a few months now 
it’s not all right I’m slowly dying inside each day I honestly think that only a few of us found a love that’s so deep nothing will ever be the same again xx
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Oh so true. 
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Love and understanding to you all.
8 months in getting close to 9 … So resonate with so much of all your feelings, thoughts and experience of this awful situation we are all in
Most people, almost everyone wants to assume I should be okay by now, and getting back to NORMAL.
What the hell do they thing NORMAL
is !!! Everythings changed forever.
And those comments (my Mum expert at this) “Well you must be feeling a bit better though.”
I think as some of you have said people don’t want to ask, they’d rather just assume / think we are okay, so they don’t have to worry and can carry on with their own lives…
What they don’t get is that we don’t want them to worry about us, we just want a bit of understanding that we are still hurting … massively 
Hugs to you all 
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Hi mate, I can totally empathise with you, I lost my wife Louise only in March to bowel cancer she was 51 also we were together 34 years. I’m lucky I still have my youngest son who is 19 and his girlfriend still at home. It’s so hard to say exactly how it feels, the memories, the pictures the videos on my phone bring comfort but the the smells when I open her wardrobe just kills me. The pain is unbearable at times. The grief is like a never ending fog. But! I’m going to counselling which is starting show me a glimmer of light through the fog. It will be a long road but not a never ending one. If you’re not having counselling give it a try. Take care
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Hi @Murzo69 , yes as I ve said my family have been my strength. Can I ask how you got intouch and organised a councellor?
Take care and look after yourself.
Hi @Jeff.1 thanks for your reply. You did amazingly well to tackle a holiday alone so soon.
I visited my eldest daughter out in UAE but fortunately my son went with me, it was almost a year to the day since I d previously visited with Karen. She was ill then but we were still optimistic for her treatment when we returned…
And I think your right, the pain is always there but maybe not as sharp all of the time.
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Hi, hope you don’t mind me answering the counselling question. You can find one through Sue Ryder & you can aske your GP of go to MIND. Any of those will be able to help you. I hope you get on ok & that it helps. Take care.
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My counselling is with the St Luke’s hospice in Sheffield who looked after Bevs medication when we were nursing her at home. They are amazing people and though counselling isn’t for everyone it has helped me through some very dark days.
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So understand where you are coming from, this is week 7 for me after losing my beloved Keith to kidney cancer, he only had 4 months after the diagnosis before he died and it was cruel how it just took him over completely so quickly, he was always too ill for treatment. I’m alone now with our two dogs and I’m completely overwhelmed, exhausted, lost, broken and find myself in a black hole from which there seems no escape. I hope that being part of this group will help us all.
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Hi @Barneskiaj I m so sorry to hear of your loss. Although I lost my wife 9 months ago now I have only started to use this forum recently and I do feel it helps.
You are never alone on here.
Look after and be kind to yourself
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Thank you, it’s a blessing to be able to talk to others who are in the same situation, my mum died on 13 Jan and I didn’t grieve for her because I was completely focused on Keith and the battle against cancer, Keith died on 31 March so I think I have a double whammy of grieving for them both
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That is what you’d call a double whammy. Losing two people, so close to you in such a short space of time. You must be in turmoil. And it’s not yet two months since you lost Keith. That’s not long at all. One of the things that has surprised me is just how strong this grief is and how long it goes on for. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. I’m not the most patient person so I probably expect too much of myself and have a hard time accepting it’s not going to be over any time soon. Life is just going to be shit for some time to come. Just do whatever it takes to get through a day. That’s all you can hope for at the moment.
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I can empathise with that & it me until now to join here & it’s 3 yrs gone since my bereavement. I still feel lost, alone & very loney at times still. I have 2 dogs & they’ve definately saved me.
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@Barneskiaj I totally understand how you’re feeling.
I had a double whammy too.
My dad died last December. I found him on his kitchen floor. Was just starting to get my head round that then 7 weeks later get told my partner had died at work from a heart attack.
It’s now 15 weeks since my partner died all I can do is get through one day at a time. Can still hear him telling me “it’s ok I’m here for you” after my dad died. Next minute he’s not.
Never thought life could be so lonely and cruel.
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I can really identify with your loss and 51 is so young,I lost my twin brother on the 4th of September 2021 to brain cancer and am 63 today, my mother died in my arms at the age of 95 at ten past 8 on the 5th of January this year gasping for breath at the end of her battle with dementia and I know live alone with no pets, I have a sister in law about 8 miles away and a Niece some 70 miles away in Southport but I am basically alone in the world having no family of my own, it is good that you have 3 sons and that your wife lived to see them grow up, cancer is still a very difficult condition to treat and while progress is being made far to many people are still dying from it, my lounge is know a morsuleam,my mothers ashes are on a shelf in a casket under a lovely photograph of her taken at her silver wedding which is in turn under a cross and is her final resting place, my twin brothers ashes are still in the plastic bottle with a bar code on it us was given to my sister in law(on the contrary my mothers ashes were returned to me in a rather nice box my having gone for direct cremation followed by a proper funeral service last month) I was my mothers carer for a long time before she passed and it took its tole on my health but I am getting better and moving on having been under a mental health nurse, apparently I have suffered some form of battle field trauma and am having know to reinvent my life and find a new reason for getting up in the morning, yes, I have bad days and the first days after her death I just wanted to curle up in my sleeping bag and die and I would have to had I not been found, we almost lived as man and wife and we were very close, you will know when you are ready to move on and only you know how you really feel, I can only commend the teaching of st Francis of accesy, we need the humility to accept the things we cannot change, it is only then that the healing process can begin, you must let go and move on for your own sake and the sake of your family, do not feel guilty about that, the best way you can honour your late wife is to go on and make a success of your life, it sounds from what you say that you had a wonderful marriage and in that you are blest for it is better to have had and have lost then not to have had at all, to give up would be a be trail, I am in the business of sorting out the house and having a soler powered system installed at the end of the month, I am ,looking to secure my electric energy supply in this dangeras world and from people like greedy utilities and Putin,I hope you can find the resiliance with in you to carry on, what does not destroy us makes us stronger, may God be with you and your family in the dark days ahead and take you to a happy place.
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Jeff.1
You did it and that must have taken a lot of courage and effort. The Highlands being so remote too but at least you didn’t turn back.
I am contemplating a cruise on my own next year. Terrifies me but what’s the alternative? No more holidays? Don’t know if I could cope with that.
Unless we do these things what are we left with…vegetating at home?
At least on a cruise ship it’s safe as can always retreat to the cabin if it all got too much.
I’m so please you did it and that will inspire others like myself.
Hard to believe any of us are having to go through this…
Lyn
X
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You are never alone on here. It’s now 16 months since my wife, Bev, died and it still seems unreal. We are all feeling similar pain and grief though each person has their own inner demons. It’s good to let them out on here, someone is always here to read and reply.
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I managed to get today for a few hours to a place we used to go together. It was filled with mixed emotions but was pleased i went. Just kept wishing she was with me ftom time to time. Did get to speak to some people there though which was nice, especially as some i didn’t even know.
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