I also use those as a last resort. I’m afraid if I start to cry I won’t stop and will become hysterical and out of control. Sometimes think I am going totally bad . It’s just hell 
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Hello Annie
I went down the medication route it didn’t help at all. Talking to others who really understand seems to work for me. Friends have fallen by the wayside lost patience with my grief. It’s a very lonely journey unfortunately. Please feel free to chat with me whenever you would like. I really understand.
Lindahx
Thankyou Linda. I think I will hold off for a while. I feel I am loosing the energy to contact people now. I would try and feel the calender in the early days. Perhaps it was a one off this weekend I hope so as I feel drained with the crying!!
I joined the Jolly Dollies widows group only to be with ladies like me as all.my freinds have there husbands partners. Unfortunately because of covid they are not meeting up which is a shame because like you I find talking and being with people who understand very helpful. Xx Let’s hope the brighter days will come again.
Anne.xx
Can I private message you somewhere
Hi Lindah. That would be nice. I’m on messenger Facebook what’s app . [Edited by admin] Not brilliant with technology only know the few basics of using my phone. See what you can do?? Anne
Hi @Annie53 and @Gerbil, if you would like to send each other a private message through this site, there are some step-by-step instructions for how to do this here: https://community.sueryder.org/pub/help-using-this-site#private-message. If you need any further help, please email me at online.community@sueryder.org.
Our community guidelines ask you not to post your real full name or contact details in a public message. This is to protect your own privacy and security, as these could be seen by all users, not just the person you are replying to.
So sorry. I am new to this. It was the first time I posted today. Thankyou I thought it a bit strange. X
Thanks Eileen, I also put on a brave face - I mange to play the role of 2 people. One the world sees, the other is filled with sadness and loneliness. I have leaned to balance the roles out — other things in the family and society occur that keep these 2 roles in balance. Yes, I was blessed to have her in my life when I did - I truly was blessed!
Herb
Hi Eileen, sorry to say I know exactly how you feel and couldnt put it into words better myself. Unfortunately tho for me this is after nearly 2 years, and having been with my husband for 58 years in total. Feel now is the time to get some counselling as I have struggled long enough. I think we both have to realise that we are not alone, there are many out there in the same situation. We can ony pray for the hurt to ease. Take care of yourself I will be thinking of you. xx
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Thankyou so much Bess for your telling sad story and i hope you are ok. It is ironic how we are all feeling and going through the same things. It is good to talk or write it down how we are feeling so that others can see that they are not on their own with this. It is 10 months since i lost my hubby and i can honestly say i miss him just as much now as i did in the begining. It just gets to me that i will never see him or speak to him again. |I am so sorry that you are still hurting and sad. Grief is a pain like no other and there is no time limit i think. We have to just do what we can to get through it. Love to all xxx
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Hello Herb, Im so sorry that you are feeling so sad. I know what you mean by showing different faces to the world. There is the one where you can smile and say yes im fine and then when your on your own you can sometimes reach the depths of despair. I do the same. Its terrible isnt it. Take care. Love to all xxx
Hello. This is my very first post. Like Annie53 I had ben married over 47 years when my husband died. He has been gone just over a year and the loneliness and sadness destroy me when I am alone, which is most of the time. I’m lost and don’t want to carry on without him, though I will because I promised him I would. I have 3 married children and 6 grandchildren who all miss him too. When out I smile and say “I’m fine”. Some friends know how bad I feel but they just think I need to be getting stronger becuase I have no choice and to get on with life. My thoughts are with all of you in this soul destroying position. I was prescribed medication early on but no longer take them as they don’t help me sleep. I agree with everyone who has commented on this conversation that coming home and shutting yourself into a house alone without the love of your life is absolutely awful. Big hugs to everyone who is sad and alone.
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Dear Bessie, You don’t me, but after reading your post , I feel I can (as a man), that I know your feelings and heartaches. I am the same way as you, even after nearly a year since my wife died. Today, I write with a heavy heart because my wife’s older son has asked to stay with me because he made a bad mistake - he may be heading for a divorce now. I cannot talk him out of it — today his 2 children ages 3 and 4 came over to visit him. I broke my heart see them (They don’t seem to suspect a thing. His wife came over to drop the kids off – I said hello and asked how she was doing — she is virtually heartbroken – what a tragedy to see this happening. I don’t know why I am sharing this with you - but I want to tell someone, anybody as I do not know what to do. I feel so helpless with my wife gone and now this! Anyway, not to distress you — I want to assure you there are others of us who are feeling like you and maybe we don’t know where to turn - I have this site to turn to - It’s really heartbreaking to watch your family falling apart.
I am willing to take advice from anyone who can help me. Thank you and I wish you the best!
Herb ’
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Dear green cat
I have dealt with this aldi. Unfortunately you can do nothing apart from being supportive. I found that hard to do when I was the one needed support and strong people around. But in a funny way it distracts your mind from the terrible grief if only for a little while. Just be there when they need you and hope they will be the same for you.
I don’t like to go out because coming home to an empty house that is si deafeningly quiet is just awful. So I would rather stay home alone.
Thank you Gerbil, You sound very supportive - I just wanted to share my feelings with someone, I was in tears when the kids left. I felt so sorry for them - children are courageous when they don’t know what;'s really going on. I’m sure God watches out for them… For such is the Kingdom of God!
Herb
Yes Eileen, You are so right!
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Like you Bessie I have 2 children 4 Grandchildren. They are an enormous gift to me. I feel sometimes my family dont realy understand the loneliness I feel. They have there work and lives and it’s very different to how I shielded my Mum when Dad died. Unfortunately that is life today.
I have lots of freinds but find it exhausting getting ready to go out for company not something me and my Husband did much as we had each other. A very different way of life!!
I hope in time I can be comfortable in my lovely home that we shared together instead of dreading going in through the door. Take care everyone and stay strong xxx
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Hi Herb, all you can do is hang in there and be supportive. Some of us are stronger than others , and sometimes life leaves us no choice but to remain strong . You have your hands full but who knows your family may well sort themselves. Thinking of you with hope,always good to talk. Bess
I’m new to this community and have read every single post in this thread. How sad I am for each and every person here. I am torn in two with loneliness, isolation and the loss of him and can find no peace or joy without him, even though over a year has gone by. I have 3 married children and 6 grandchildren who all live locally but they have each other and are grieving their Dad and Grandad but they can console each other, hug and comfort each other late at night and in dark evenings. I cannot bear living alone another winter especially with Covid rule of 6! That rules out seeing 2 of my children and their family. I feel really selfish and whining but I no longer have any purpose. I volunteer lots, I smile, but my reason for being for the last 48 years is gone. I know people here “get it”. Thanks for the opportunity to vent.
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