Thankyou so much Bess for your telling sad story and i hope you are ok. It is ironic how we are all feeling and going through the same things. It is good to talk or write it down how we are feeling so that others can see that they are not on their own with this. It is 10 months since i lost my hubby and i can honestly say i miss him just as much now as i did in the begining. It just gets to me that i will never see him or speak to him again. |I am so sorry that you are still hurting and sad. Grief is a pain like no other and there is no time limit i think. We have to just do what we can to get through it. Love to all xxx
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Hello Herb, Im so sorry that you are feeling so sad. I know what you mean by showing different faces to the world. There is the one where you can smile and say yes im fine and then when your on your own you can sometimes reach the depths of despair. I do the same. Its terrible isnt it. Take care. Love to all xxx
Hello. This is my very first post. Like Annie53 I had ben married over 47 years when my husband died. He has been gone just over a year and the loneliness and sadness destroy me when I am alone, which is most of the time. Iām lost and donāt want to carry on without him, though I will because I promised him I would. I have 3 married children and 6 grandchildren who all miss him too. When out I smile and say āIām fineā. Some friends know how bad I feel but they just think I need to be getting stronger becuase I have no choice and to get on with life. My thoughts are with all of you in this soul destroying position. I was prescribed medication early on but no longer take them as they donāt help me sleep. I agree with everyone who has commented on this conversation that coming home and shutting yourself into a house alone without the love of your life is absolutely awful. Big hugs to everyone who is sad and alone.
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Dear Bessie, You donāt me, but after reading your post , I feel I can (as a man), that I know your feelings and heartaches. I am the same way as you, even after nearly a year since my wife died. Today, I write with a heavy heart because my wifeās older son has asked to stay with me because he made a bad mistake - he may be heading for a divorce now. I cannot talk him out of it ā today his 2 children ages 3 and 4 came over to visit him. I broke my heart see them (They donāt seem to suspect a thing. His wife came over to drop the kids off ā I said hello and asked how she was doing ā she is virtually heartbroken ā what a tragedy to see this happening. I donāt know why I am sharing this with you - but I want to tell someone, anybody as I do not know what to do. I feel so helpless with my wife gone and now this! Anyway, not to distress you ā I want to assure you there are others of us who are feeling like you and maybe we donāt know where to turn - I have this site to turn to - Itās really heartbreaking to watch your family falling apart.
I am willing to take advice from anyone who can help me. Thank you and I wish you the best!
Herb ā
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Dear green cat
I have dealt with this aldi. Unfortunately you can do nothing apart from being supportive. I found that hard to do when I was the one needed support and strong people around. But in a funny way it distracts your mind from the terrible grief if only for a little while. Just be there when they need you and hope they will be the same for you.
I donāt like to go out because coming home to an empty house that is si deafeningly quiet is just awful. So I would rather stay home alone.
Thank you Gerbil, You sound very supportive - I just wanted to share my feelings with someone, I was in tears when the kids left. I felt so sorry for them - children are courageous when they donāt know what;'s really going on. Iām sure God watches out for themā¦ For such is the Kingdom of God!
Herb
Yes Eileen, You are so right!
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Like you Bessie I have 2 children 4 Grandchildren. They are an enormous gift to me. I feel sometimes my family dont realy understand the loneliness I feel. They have there work and lives and itās very different to how I shielded my Mum when Dad died. Unfortunately that is life today.
I have lots of freinds but find it exhausting getting ready to go out for company not something me and my Husband did much as we had each other. A very different way of life!!
I hope in time I can be comfortable in my lovely home that we shared together instead of dreading going in through the door. Take care everyone and stay strong xxx
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Hi Herb, all you can do is hang in there and be supportive. Some of us are stronger than others , and sometimes life leaves us no choice but to remain strong . You have your hands full but who knows your family may well sort themselves. Thinking of you with hope,always good to talk. Bess
Iām new to this community and have read every single post in this thread. How sad I am for each and every person here. I am torn in two with loneliness, isolation and the loss of him and can find no peace or joy without him, even though over a year has gone by. I have 3 married children and 6 grandchildren who all live locally but they have each other and are grieving their Dad and Grandad but they can console each other, hug and comfort each other late at night and in dark evenings. I cannot bear living alone another winter especially with Covid rule of 6! That rules out seeing 2 of my children and their family. I feel really selfish and whining but I no longer have any purpose. I volunteer lots, I smile, but my reason for being for the last 48 years is gone. I know people here āget itā. Thanks for the opportunity to vent.
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Dear Bessie,
I am a widower, my wife died suddenly back in November 2019. (That was before the Covid 19 virus began to lock us down). If my wife were here now, she would not recognize the world we now live in. I am very much able to understand your situation very much. I miss my wife and her musings so much , I wish I could leave this world behind - as I feel so useless. I am retired and pretty much go thru a daily routine that gets pretty boring. Yes, I have some family, but they have their lives and are busy doing what they must do each day. I get lonely for conversation, but mostly talk about my wife (I know they get tired of hearing it). Part time work??? I cannot find anything that will get me out of the house, so I I must do what I can do and hope it will be get better. In the states the weather is changing to the Fall season. I just want to reassure you that there are some of us on this site that understand your circumstances and hope the best for you ā you must feel free to write in and let us all know how youāre coping. Sometimes and encouraging word can help. I for one, can sympathize with you. You are not alone in this. So let us hear from you!
Herb
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Dear Bessie,
I understand your feelings of loneliness and isolation all too well. My husband died suddenly 14 months ago and up until then I had never lived alone, and I hate it. My children live away and I see them rarely. In fact my daughter has abandoned me. I think my grief overwhelmed her and she couldnāt cope with me. I am having counselling and it does help a bit but really I have lost interest in life and each day is another struggle.
Take care of yourself and be kind and patient. xx
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You suffered the most horrendous shock finding your husband had died in the night. No one could recover from that in a few months. I too cry every night, the pain is almost unbearable and I am in my14 month of loneliness and sorrow. I understand and you need to make no excuses for feeling as you do, it is entirely natural. Xx
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Hi Bessie, Im so sorry for you and i understand just how you are feeling. I know that people say keep busy, ring your friends go out and socialise. I do all that but still cant get away from the fact that basically when you come in and shut the door your on your own. You are no longer part of that wonderful couple that you had for all those years. Its heartbreaking and it does make you think what is the point of this of life. I think everyone on this site know and understand and feel the same way. Love to all
Thank you so much Barbara. My thoughts are with you too. To have your husband die suddenly is so cruel. We had known for two years that my husband was terminal. We talked, we thought, about everything we needed to. But it turned out we didnāt, though we were luckier than yourself. I knew it was coming but at the end it was unexpected, which sounds stupid. Its hard to explain. Sending you all my love and hugs.
My husband wouldnāt recognise our current world either. The healthy and well him would have coped amazingly. He was such a calm, supportive and loving man. The poorly him at thr end of his life wouldnāt have coped or understood lockdown at all. I miss his company, our lifelong chats into the small hours, and the rock that was my life. My thoughts are with you and all of who need this group but would rather Not be in it.
Iām so grateful for your thoughts, which completely reflect my own. Itās the loneliness once you shut that front door, day, night or weekend. You are alone and itās the most awful feeling in the world. We knew it was coming for a long time but I am still floored, completely unprepared and struggling to stay strong as I promised him I would. Sending strength and hugs.
Dear Bessie
My beloved man also died suddenly and unexpectedly I am also estranged from one of my daughters and feel totally alone. As you say once you close the door and are inside there is nothing but emptiness. The darker nights are coming and I dread it. I cannot best the long lonely nights anymore. Donāt know rhat to do.
Dear Gerbil,
I understand your feelings. My husband died after a 3 week illness. That was 15 months ago and it hasnāt got any better in that time. My daughter stays away and I miss her . I hate being on my own in an empty house and I too dread the dark winter nights. In fact my life is meaningless. Sending comfort and strength.
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