thanks,yes always better when ive shared whats bugging me,not heard back from the family yet! x
Well done for sticking to your guns !
They wonāt understand the energy required to get through each and every day I donāt see it as staying in our comfort zone. To me itās part of our self preservation not wanting to take on another challenge when some days itās hard to keep oneās head above water
I find the concentration required is quite wearing
I hope there are some nice bits to look forward to when youāre there
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Well done for standing your ground even if it hasnāt worked out as you would prefer. I agree it can be exhausting getting through each day and others simply do not understand how much effort it takes to reluctantly manage just the day to day things without other complications.
Thank goodness we can come on here and release our feelings to one another in the knowledge that we will be understood and without having to justify why we feel as we do through no fault of our own. X
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Tough day today. I went shopping and felt so sad. I rarely go these days and just rely on home delivery. I decided to be brave but all I saw were couples doing just the same as we used to do. I feel so very sad and lonely and fear that others will just drift away . I find it so hurtful when those who still have their partners just seem to look the other way. I do understand that they probably prefer not to think about the inevitable but it really hurts. Thank you to all the kind and caring people on here for all the support you have given to me and others.
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Dear Beryl so sorry to hear you have had such a sad day Iām sure it was a good thing to go out and brave of you These reminders of our happy life before are not easy to bear but you did go out and you are to be praised as it shows you strength
I agree that so many people are so thoughtless You Would think that when they have the comfort of their partner they could be kinder Perhaps their relationship is not as close or they havenāt put themselves in your shoes
Either way it HURTS A LOT
I read the other day that this person felt if she showed her feelings it was not socially acceptable ā¦. I canāt believe Iām writing this !!!
Thank goodness for SR where itās considered normal to be sad and tearful when you are alone without the love of your life sending hugs xx
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Thank you so much for taking the time to respond, it helps so much to know that there are kind people out there who understand and are there for others. It is like being on a rollercoaster. Some days seem to be going ok and then a big dip arrives and down you go again. When I am helping someone else I seem to gain strength for a short time. Nigel was a very kind man and always seemed to be helping others so I like to think that maybe I am carrying on trying to be helpful to others on his behalf. Take good care of yourself and thank you again for your kindness.
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My Paul was very kind too as well as spreading laughter Like you I feel I want to try to follow his example - although I donāt think I will ever be as cheeky 
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my family are coming around to my way of thinking,my DIL was very aware of the anxiety it was causing and anxiety =tears. so shes speaking to my son tonight and fingers crossed we do it mums wayā¦phew,now its tears of relief. x
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Good to hear that family are trying to understand. I doubt they mean to hurt you,itās just their grief will be different from yours. I remember someone referring to me as a widow,rather than a wife,for the first time. I just broke down in tears. Your whole identity seems to change overnight and that is so very hard. When I lost my Father many years ago I was deeply sad but I had a husband and children so my life carried on in much the same way, whereas my Motherās completely changed. Only now do I fully understand how she felt.
We are all on a very difficult journey and no two peopleās journey will be the same Sorry to waffle on just want to help if I can, just as you and others help me.
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Its so difficult to do things on your own when your confidence has gone.
I went for a blood test today,I cried all the way home because my Husband should have been with me. He always was.
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Oh itās so hard isnāt it These moments keep cropping up sometimes you can expect it and decide but other times there is no warning
Had to walk past our cafe with a walking group this morning Luckily I just had the dog at that moment and could try to process it without someone chatting
I loaded up the car and took some heavy things to the tip and I know he would have wanted to be strong and help me He struggled to do so many things these last years
Iām trying a lot of new social things just to take my mind and body somewhere else It works sometimes
Take care
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Reading all your messages made me feel Iām not alone and we are all going through this horrible lonely experience . Ice never felt so lonely. Iāve just been waiting around the shops in the pouring rain just to get out. Then I burst into tears in Hobby Craft because they were playing a song that reminded me of my husband. ! I feel like Iām going mad with grief.
You canāt keep arranging things with friends and family they all have their own lives.
The thought of another evening stretching out in front of me and a sleepless night is almost too much to bear.
Thinking of you all 
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Lulu4
It really is a horrible road we find ourselves on.i am so sorry for your loss.Its coming up to twelve months since i lost my dear wife so suddenly and unexpectedly.We had no children so its just me now.Grief is like a rollercoaster it has so many ups and downs but more downs than ups.It really is a lonely existence for many of us, i hesitate to use the word ālifeā as it doesnt feel like a life now just existing.Grief has no timeline or direction it can hit us anytime and anywhere.I find even the small things can st me off and upset me.coming back to the empty house i find so upsetting and nightime/bedtime i still cry myself to sleep nearly every night.my wife and i did everything together now its me alone.where once our home was full of joy and happiness now its just sadness, loneliness and emptyness.Please dont think you are going mad, you are definitly not.Grief can be lide waves on an ocean sometimes gentle other times like a tsunami.I have found this site so helpful and full of understanding, caring people.unless someone has travelled the road we are on they dont understand.Its so hard but we have to be patient with ourselves taking things step by step, moment by moment.Please keep reaching out to us on here we all understand how we all feel and what we are going through.Never feel alone, we are all here for each other.Take care.
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So sorry to read your post Lulu4. You describe so accurately exactly how I feel. I have read on here how many others feel exactly the same. I know that doesnāt alter anything, but at least itās good to know that we are not going mad. Nothing prepares you for how lost you will feel . I have left my trolley in the supermarket on several occasions and fled as I just could not cope. I suppose we are asking an awful lot of ourselves to live our lives in one way for however long we have been fortunate enough to have our partners for, and then just carry on as if nothing has changed. It takes time I am told. It isnāt like a bad cold that you just get over, it takes time and the more time you spend or communicate with those who have had to live through this dreadful time the better I feel. No need to apologise or avoid those who have walked in your shoes. I hope that in some small way reading this may have given you comfort.
Take care and sending hugs.
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Ive had a difficult few days. Its the week after the funeral,everyone has gone really quiet and it now feels so real.
How do we do it? It feels impossible to imagine any kind of peace. The future feels so scary on your own.
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Hi Woody.
I found the weeks after the funeral really so hard as I had been focussed on getting through that day and after it happened, I was hit by a sense of what happens now? The loss still felt like a bad dream and often still does now.
Now is the time you will find out who are the people that will stick around and give you the support you need when you need it. Sometimes people wonder if you need space and sometimes they donāt know what to say or do. Reach out to people you trust and tell them when you want company or to arrange something to do. If there is practical help you need, be brave and ask someone.
I have learned who I feel comfortable with and who genuinely wants to offer support. There are others whose promises of help and friendship were clearly just words.
We are all here for you too. Xx
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Woody9,
I am so sorry you are finding things so hard.I am too to be honest nearly twelve months on.it was the suddeness and unexpectedness that really hit me hard.My dear wife was here on minute gone the next.I keep reliving over and over what happened on that awful day, the day my life changed forever.Its still very early for you, grief has no real timeline and direction it can hit us anytime anywhere.I found after my dear wifes funeral i was in a sort of daze, a surreal world that i no longer feel part of, i still feel like that now.up to the funeral i found i was so occupied mentally trying to get my head around everything, sorting the various legal things we have to do, banks, undertakers, solicitors etc.People sent sympathy cards, rang up with condolences , my work colleagues and a cousin came to see me.Then after the funeral nothing, its as though everyone dissapears into thin air.They think we are carrying on, we are, but our lives have changed, forever.Our life will never be the same again.we have lost the person we loved with all our heart.It really is a hard road we find ourselves on.We are all different as human beings and the circumstances we lost our dear loved ones are probably all different but we all grieve.Some of us find ways to cope and adjust to this new life better than others but we have to be patient with ourselves.grief has no timeline.It doesnt matter how long we think we are taking its what is best for us.We have to take things step by step, moment by moment.Sometimes we hear words like ātime Healsā or āwe have to move onā but its US now that is most important.we have to try and look after ourselves the best way we can.I feel there isnt a right or wrong way to grieve, we are all individuals and its what works best for us.It really does feel impossible to imagine any kind of peace but i feel it will come.I have gone through literally every emotion, guilt, anger, What ifs,If onlys.but my dear wife has gone, i miss her so much she was my world, my everything.I know exactly how you feel when you say the future feels scary on your own, thats how i feel too.All the worries and responsibilities.Talking is so important i feel, sharing our feelings, that is where this site is invaluable to me being on my own no real family or friends.we all understand how we feel.Keep reaching out to us on here we are all here for one another.Take care.
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Yes I feel too that I Iām with people who sadly really understand here
Iām so sorry you are feeling so abandoned now the funeral has taken place It is such a tremendous turn around in our lives and most of us feel we are having to cope alone
Now is the time you find out who are the kind people in your life If you can muster your strength take the first step and ring someone each day you will get a feel for who is happy to talk to you
Itās taken me 6 months to finally get it into my head (nearly) that I mean nothing to my step children after having all the daily contact fun and laughter
Talking yesterday with someone I met at a bereavement group we agreed that warmth of feeling can come from absolute strangers and sometimes it is another loss to find someone who you thought were close is totally unfeeling
There is so much to adjust to and your dearest person isnāt there I do talk to Paul and try and run things by him because his judgment was much better than mine This is a help My husband was such a happy person but I realise he survived by trying to cheer other people up So I have that as an aim for the future
Donāt keep things to yourself share on here
If things are too much to bear the Samaritans are there to support you I never thought I would need them but I did and he was very kind If you feel you are going mad it seems very usual if you look on here and this sense of being off balance is part off the grief
I try to do 2 things a day and if that sometimes to dress and make a proper meal that has to be enough
Take care Sending hugs
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Brummy
Your words are exactly how I feel
My Husband went to bed and never woke ,it was our 55th anniversary ,we had so many plans for the day. I think at first the shock took over ,it didnt seem real then sorting things and people kept me busy ,now nothing. Before the funeral I had moments of calm but now ,if its possible,its harder. Before I thought it was a mistake and everything would be ok but I have to accept it now.
Reading your words brought me some comfort . Thank you . Take care of yourself
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Thank you Redsquirill25.
You certaintly do learn alot about people you thought you knew and others suprise you with unexpected kindness.
I am trying to do one day at a time and just give in to how Iām feeling on the day
Baby steps!!!
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