We are all going through this together, It is truly a exhausting and heartbreaking experience.
Thank you for all your kind words.
It is true to try and be with people that give you comfort and can understand .
Iwe have to go through the days that are a tsunami and the occasional day when the waves are gentler .
Thinking of you all tonight. X
Thank you to everyone who has responded on here tonight. It is such a comfort to know that all the sorrow and heartache we all feel is so similar to others. I suppose we must be thankful that we have all known deep love, otherwise we wouldnât be feeling the great pain of loss .
Yes i agree with you , its hard for friends to know what you need /want .
Ive learnt to tell people i need space , then when i want company i get in touch.
Hopefully in time i will feel stronger to reach out more
Redsquirrel25
Thank you so much for your reply and kindness and understanding.I honestly dont know what i would do without this site and all the kindness from everyone.when its just me now it really means so much to reach out on here and know that everyone understands what we are going through as we have all been there.This âWidow Clubâ was a club i never ever wanted to join but i am now a member.I spoke to a cousin of my late brother in law earlier and she is going to send me a book about bereavement.She is a lovely, kind lady so understanding and caring.as you so rightly say now is the time we find out who the kind people in our lives are.Its a part of our lives here on this earth i think that people who have never lost their dear loved ones cannot really apreciate how we feel and all the feelings and emotions we are going through.Its so true what you said warmth of feeling can come from absolute strangers.I think talking is so important especially with people who have gone through similar experiences as ourselves.I went to a church cafe before christmas and i had a really good chat to a vicar.If their is anyone experienced with grief and bereavement its a vicar.He really listened to me, i was quite upset a lot of the time, but he listened to me.tried to answer my questions, asked about my dear wife how we met etc.It really did bring me some comfort and he never pushed religion at me.I know its not for everyone but it really did help me to have someone just sit with me and âlistenâ.Thank you again for your kind reply.Sending hugs to you too.
Take care.
Woody9
Thank you so much for your kind reply.I am so sorry about your loss.it must have been such a shock for you, on your 55th anniversary too, that was awful.Losing our dear loved ones so unexpectedly and suddenly is such a shock for us.It really has broken my heart.i keep reliving it over and over wishing i could have done more, blaming myself,i gather this is all part of the grief we are going through.I think i will forever blame myself.I still cannot believe this has happened approaching a year but grief has no timeline and no direction.I think it will always be with us in some form its just that we have to try and live with it somehow.I know my life has changed forever, the joyful happy life my dear wife and i shared for 36 years has gone replaced by sadness, loneliness and emptyness.Iknow as human beings we all are different and grief effects us all in different ways.we just have to be patient with ourselves as grief has no timeline and direction.We have to do whatever is right for us.Take things step by step, moment by moment.Reach out to people who can help and comfort us with their love and understanding.The love we had and will always have for our dear loved ones will always be with us, it will never leave us, love does not die it will remain with us for eternity.The love our dear loved ones have for us will forever be with us too.Its these thoughts that i try to hold close to me and try and help me navigate this awful road we all find ourselves on..I am so glad my words brought you some comfort.If i can bring some comfort into the hearts of people who are going through similar feelings and emotions to myself i will feel that i have achieved something with my life on this earth.
Look after yourself, that is so important.
My husbands funeral was last week too and itâs gone quiet and back to normal for everyone . Im alone not only in grief but company too. Days are endless and nights so much worse. I hope we all manage somehow to come through this awful time in our lives and find acceptance and peace eventually.
We are here for you Belinda and understand how lonely every day and night can feel. You are not alone. Sending hugs x
Belinda
Sending hugs To keep you going The tears are so important to let out all emotions and the sadness you are having to bear x
Yes, I think it happens to a lot of people. It has to me. This group is very helpful, if only to see that there are lots of us all struggling along as best we can. I hope the group is helpful for you.
I feel lonely and want some company but then when someone calls I cant wait for them to go! I think its because the company you want is the person youâve lost and no one can take their place. All these emotions,it seems to change minute by minute.
I know exactly how you feel. I only want to see people on my terms, we were very private anyway so didnât have many visitors and this suits me fine now.
All I want is the person I canât have anymore and it hurts like hell. I hate this new lonely life thatâs been forced upon us
I have come away for a few days with my son so that we can visit his daughter tomorrow for her birthday. We are staying overnight halfway. He has a work call this evening so I have come to sit in the bar area on my own. It is pure agony sitting alone and watching couples chatting away just as my husband and I would have done. I am a shy person and I feel so conspicuous on my own, although people probably donât even notice me or see my tears. I wonder whether you ever get used to this awful loneliness even when you are amongst other people.
Im at the theatre on my own .feeling exaclty the same .its difficult isnt it .
Im just supporting a little theatre .
I feel brave but nit sure if its wortg the agony lol x
Thank you for replying. I hope that you are enjoying the performance . I suppose every small step means that we are at least trying. My eldest son just called me to ask if I was ok as he knows me well enough to know that I would not be ok. A few kind words mean such a lot whether they are from someone you know or from a stranger. My son said to me â I have experienced losing a partner through death but I am divorced and know how wretched I felt when I saw families and I was without my own childrenâ. So I suppose we are fortunate that there are kind and empathetic people , especially on here. Take care of yourself and thank you so much for your kindness.
Sorry, should have said NOT experienced losing a partner through death when referring to my sonâs words of empathy
Well done for going on your own. I have done the cinema on my own, but not the theatre yet. It is brave of you. We do have to be brave. Iâve walked into so many different groups etc now on my own, that I donât really get too fazed by it, but going out to an event on my own is harder. Well done!
hello everybody,i have just got back from my week away with friends,i didnt log on whilst away as sometimes i get upset reading through the stories,and there have been many new ones in the last week. so,im home,yes,empty house syndrome,although not for long as im off to my sons tomorrow for 9 days. the time away was âdifferentâim lukcy to be included,6 of us in a very large house,4 ladies,2 gents,we aged from 83-60. a week was too long,too much noise,if i slunk off to another room nobody questioned,but i felt i was being anti social,i got through the week without tears,not even when in my bedroom,so thats got to be ok,but i did feel sad sometimes,one lady whos 76,been widowed for 3 years came along with her new gentleman friend,83 yr old widow,she did ask us all first,as when we booked there were just 5 of us,she seemed so at ease in this new relationship,im thinking to myself,no way could i see myself in a relationship,i feel i dont have the capacity to give,she did remind me that at 17 months its normal to feel that way,im sure it is and seeing ahead a week at a time is enough for now,just sorting through ânormal livingâ. good luck to those who have the strength to find love/companionship again at our age. sending lov e and hugs to those who have been struggling since i last logged on.
Having a quiet week,just me and the dog,shes good company,makes me smile. Yesterday j was sat havi g supper,empty mind and the sobbing came from nowhere,no clue what started it,wow bit of a shock. ..felt quite exhausted. That was before i heard this description of grief,âit enters your body,attaches to every cell,stays with us,we live with it,adapt to it,is part of usâ ts good to be reminded of some facts,not going mad,going backwards,its adaptation. Onwards and upwards,recycling and dog walking required. Hope you are all doing ok out there,hugs to all
how are you all? im back home now after a busy 16 days here,there and everywhere,sad to leave the family,but glad to get home too,need my own space. I had a wobble or two,couldnt pin point it,but now i have,its been âbrewingâive been having thoughts about what our lives would be like now,2 years in of palliative chemo,would he be âdoing wellâ or âsufferingâ?âŚ.cardiac arrest a huge shock,but it relieved him of the road ahead,incurable liver/bowel cancer and the chemo.for that im grateful,but cant help thinking about being robbed of more time together,im sure my brain needs spring to arrive,lighten the days,lighten the mood,because theres no answer to my questioning,and i need to block it out,easier said than done!
Its strange how we torment ourselves with What Ifs .
Glad ypu are managing to keep busy xx