thanks,its been a long time since ive thought about that scenario,yes,ive been busy,didnt stop the IFS and BUTS ,so strange how things “fester” and come to the surface. onwards and upwards again! x
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Havant
I’m still away from home
Had a truly 90 % happy time in Sidmouth Which has happy associations.
Met some friends of my husband who were so sweet
It’s a real balm 
I heard the saying today on escape to the country
Fortune favours the brave We escaped - met - moved house - became engaged and married all in a short space of time Thank goodness we achieved it all 
it’s my consolation
Take care all x
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Try not to torment yourself. You are, in my opinion , doing a great job of trying to navigate this horrible path we are all on.
One of my friends of 45 years is going through the palliative care stage with her husband. I have found trying to be there for her helpful in one way as it makes me feel that I do still have some purpose in life, but in the other hand it makes me relive the remaining devastating weeks of my dear Nigel’s life.
Take good care of yourself. Sending you a big hug .
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yes,be thankful for all we achieved,make happy memories override the not so good ones. last year when i was at rock bottom a very dear friend treated me to a few days in sidmouth,the luxury of what i think was the victoria hotel was “a balm”.i thought sidmouth was lovely,not you bucket n spade seaside town,even in january it had some grandeur,and thriving. so glad you have had the balm too. x
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thanks beryl,yes,i feel as if ive done quite well on this path, more ups than downs these days,maybe thats why the downs are hard as they are not so frequent,come as a shock,and then leave me feeling so flat, all i want is for dry days,some sunshine and the feel good factor will return. returning hugs . mandyx
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after a few days of feeling low,by my own doing,allowing myself to be asking myself stupid questions that have no answer,i thank this group,all it takes is a couple of supportive remarks and i feel on the up again. and i have just booked another holiday to lanzarote feb 2027,11 nights this time,wow,am i getting brave,but as @Beryl1B reminded me i have been doing quite well,so its another treat to me,i know Adrian would be in full approval. x
Have you booked anywhere yet? It’s all too easy to find reasons not to - but if you have even considered the possibility of going away then listen to your instincts. Like-minded, friendly people, a chance to escape for a while, decent weather, lots to do ( or as little as you want)…
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the sun has been shining,signs of spring in the garden,happy birds,sad mandy, 17 months now,and im struggling to shake off the tears,i have been down to our happy place on the coast for 4 days,i felt better,had some fun,but it has left me emotionally drained,exhausted,i really thought sunshine and spring would really lift the spirits. hugs to all x
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Im same still cry everyday .
I dont feel life will get any better .
I do have a few hours when im with family when things feel a bit better..but then im back down to earth again .ive prefered dark night when you can lock yourself away x
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im sure i was doing better than this,maybe i dont really remember back in the fog days,somebody wrote on here that second year was worse ,we are not alone,although it feels like it at times,and thats because friends and family “suggest” we should be moving on…whatever moving on means in their eyes…..forgetting? x
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I think when you are in the fog you dont realise how bad it is .
I also feel people think you get over it ..as if .i think you just get better at hiding it and im better at pulling myself together
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“getting over it””,moving on”,all too common,nobody understands” learning to live with it” unless they are in our shoes its very frustrating,its as if now im past the “firsts”everybody thinks i should be “back to normal” ohh,how i wish ….x
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I wonder whether those who haven’t yet walked in our shoes want us to appear better for their benefit. That way they can convince themselves that ‘Oh well it can’t be too bad to lose your partner , just look how well he/she is doing ‘ I am sorry to say that has been far from the truth for me. Obviously, relationships vary and quantity is not necessarily proof of quantity.
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JAH25
I can so relate to what you say.i still cry every day too, nightime i find the worse, coming back to the empty house is so upsetting too.I know i will never get used to it.I too dont feel that life will get any better.I suppose this is my life now.It just feels like existing rather than living a life i knew and loved.I know what you mean about prefering dark nights when you can lock yourself away.Its just over a year for me and to be honest things seem to be getting worse.Time is certainly not healing for me.I have read grief has no timeline and direction.It can hit us anytime, anywhere.
Take care.
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Its so hard isnt it ..i agree because all the first are over they think thats it now .
If only they knew x
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i have noticed strange looks/shrugged shoulders if i have a liitle wobble in public,i try hard not too,or take myself away,and in public im now much better at “control”,no big sobs,i keep that for alone.im not so bad at empty house syndrome now @brummy,somrtimes im glad to get back to quiet. as for learning to live with this existance its harder this year,i think its called reality,i just wish all my friends understood,i have tried to explain,but i dont feel they all take it on board/want too.it makes me tired,im the positive one with drive amongst my few true friends,i can feel that slipping away,i really am going to need to start swimming harder again.ive not sunk yet,im not going to start now,looking back a year when i thought i was doing so well maybe i expected too much of myself,i was trying so hard to make my family proud of me,its what adrian would have wanted me to do,..”peaked too soon?”. hugs to all
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I think it takes a certain type of person to understand
I’m always astounded when someone says - oh it’s still so raw - instead of brushing over my welling up that I’ve loss my husband
There are compassionate people and the opposite
I’m trying to focus on the kindness I agree some friends just want things to be the way they were Perhaps the moving has to be from them to people who don’t expect us to take it all in our stride
Two of my friends have been widowed since I lost my husband and although some things are done differently we can talk and cry about our husbands which is consoling
I’ve worked hard joining three groups ( one at the hospice) I have so much time on my hands now
I’m grateful for every smile over a memory .I try to accept that to be parted for ever is always going to result in tears but that’s the price to be paid
Every night we said we were the luckiest people in the world
Back to the rollercoaster hugs to all
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DearMandy
Don’t be discouraged All the things you have done you can be proud of
I am learning from those in this group it’s just a massive tiring learning curve
In it together doing our best amid tears and laughter and pain
Take care xx
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thank you,roll on the days life becomes more acceptable,i cant believe it was only a few weeks ago the good days outnumbered the bad,something somewhere has sped up the roller coaster,and i cant pinpoint anything…other than reality. its only 8 oclock,but im ready to sleep,glad to be back in my own surroundings tonight. x
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