yup,yvonne has blossomed. i admire you joining things,theres nothing i fancy around here,this isnt the nicest of towns,i admit im in a rut,most of the time its ok,so if i feel lost i have to shake myself and address it,its all down to me. im half watching tennis,half outside as the breeze is cooling at last.
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You are right. We have to be thankful that we were the lucky ones otherwise it wouldnât hurt so much. I really do try to be as upbeat as I can manage but there are times when it all becomes just too much.
I have a good friend whom I met whilst both our husbands were on the Cancer ward . She has absolutely no one apart from an older extremely bossy sister and she always makes me feel so appreciative of how fortunate I am to have a loving family which she and her husband were sadly unable to have. Take care everyone and thank for all your wisdom and support .
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Its really hard not to be bitter ..i have a few friends in unhappy marriages ..and I know its bad but ive thought why not them ..but then i think I had nearly 40 years of happy marriage..i do feel its getting a bit easier ..i still cry at some point every day .
I do know I have a lot to be thankful for ..but Colin didnât get chance to retire and that really hurts..we always thought we would have any yeaes together xx
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Hello. I agree that it is better to try and go out even if it leads to tears later. Seeing and talking to other people helps at least you know there are other people in the world. Some days I see nobody I still go for counselling but it doesnât help. We donât talk about John leaving itâs all been said. We try and concentrate on how I manage now and in the future. Iâm afraid I do dwell in the past because I still canât see a future alone.
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Hi I too think that those of us who had a happy marriage pay the ultimate price when we lose our partner. The cost is so high. Then I think of those people who are married to abusive violent morons. Who are relieved when their partner dies. I do know of such a person who after her husband departed when out and bought herself a car and altered the decor to what she wanted. She put up with him for years. He didnât believe in giving her money for running the house and was extremely jealous that she could drive and he couldnât so he wouldnât let her have money to purchase a car. Even though he would have benefited too. Selfish little (offensive words).#**#@ . The doctor gave me new tablets to try I didnât think they made any difference but it appears a lot of you think they are helping so thank you. Iâll keep taking them and try and see the good side of life ( still not sure there is one). I try and image John is here guiding and helping me. But I know heâs not really here. Itâs just me hoping I can feel him around the house but really thereâs nothing anywhere even in the garage where his beloved Audi Coupe is still waiting for him. He bought the car in 1998 and was only the second owner.(the first was a footballer). I hope I do get a little less sad but canât see that happening until John realises his mistake and comes back. âŚâŚ. As they say. Keep your pecker up. Good luck to all xxxâ
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i have just had a strange encounter,21 months since Adrian died i bumped into some chap he knew this morning,he asked how i was blah blah,i told him about this group and how it keeps me going without involving nearest and dearest,he said can i tell you something,ive been struggling in my head since that day,apparently they were chatting together when adrian was out on his stroll,adrian said the new chemo had floored him,he felt really unwell,and had some chest pain,needed to get home to rest,colin offered to change direection and walk with him,he stated he was fine and only a few strides from home, colin has had âif onlyâgoing round in his head all this time,i also now know where he collapsed,yes,only a minute from home,i had a vague idea from the police,but i like the clarity ,and it really was meant to be. i finished my visit to the corner shop after our chat,and im now sat with strong tea,few tears. xx
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Not an easy meeting for you. It was obviously something your husbandâs friend needed to say and that is understandable. From your position though being faced again with the reality ,of thâday your Adrian went ahead of you is so hard. Just a chance remark can set me spiralling back down again.
I met a friend the other day as I was walking back home and asked if she would like to come in for a cup of tea but she said she had to get home to her husband as she had been out for a while and he would be missing her. Not said with any intention of upsetting me I am sure, but the comment reality hit me hard.
I believe that you have mentioned living in beautiful Cornwall, somewhere we both adored and visited every Summer over many years. I hope that you can enjoy a cuppa in the sun today and I wish that I could join you. So I am going to make myself a cuppa now and sit in my garden and raise my cup to you 
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People donât say these things to upset you but it is hard isnt it ..im hoping this will get easier in time x
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Hope you are OK? Xx
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i would love to share a cuppa! x
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yup,im ok, thank you x another few tears,par fro the course! defo best intentions in the conversation,and he needed to get it said,i felt sorry for him,held it together,felt voice wobble abit,thank goodness for sunglasses,just left feeling flatâŚthoughtful,but not in bits. xx
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ive told you all,my asra friends as i dont think i could relay this story to my family face to face without floods of tears,my grandsons are here at the wkend,i dont want them to see me or my daughter in law upset,i think sam would take it as a nice âobituary storyâ,my dearest d.i.l. is easily upset if iam,synchronised tears! xx
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***sue ryder friends not asra!!
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Hi, even if people think you should be doing better donât worry about it. It really is none of their business how you grieve or how long for. My friendâs husband is annoying me telling me I should get out more. When I m ready Iâll consider it, but just now I want to stay indoors with my memories. Take care.
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Completely agree. How can anyone give you advice, however well meant, when they havenât walked in your shoes ?
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thank goodness for sue ryder ,this particular forum,its a life saver. xx
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My partner and I always made a few visits to the coast during the summer months, weather permitting. Heâs been gone nine months now and it hasnât got any easier. I donât drive but I could get the train or bus if I left early enough. I really donât think I could handle being there on my own though. Too many memories, I get jealous when friends talk about their days out with their partners, then I feel guilty for thinking like that.
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I too get jealous of friends ..im hoping this will pass .but you should go and give it a go ..people will usually chat .but I do get what you say about it can make you feel worse
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Hi Norma I understand the memories but is there any pleasure doing anything on ones own after losing your loved one. I canât get any pleasure visiting a beach on my own or eating out on my own. I donât even find pleasure watching TV , a film , shopping anything. Life carries on but pleasure doesnât.
Wishing you all the best Tom
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I understand how you can be reluctant to visit those special places on your own
I spent nine months avoiding the beach which is 1/2 a mile away and I saw the sea every time I left home which made me dread even that
I read that avoiding things tells your brain and nervous system that they are dangerous and makes your reaction worse which I could agree with
I braced myself and set myself a mission just to do a little bit at first and have the usual ice cream even though I would have to hide behind the sunglasses and sure enough there were tears
The nicest thing is the exceptional kindness of people who have shared a bench with me
Strangers who like talking are not afraid of the truth Iâve found
The encouragement of one couple just together now after he 91 years nursed his wife and his partner Lou widow of 20 years will always stay with me
But I also understand the comfort of being in your home with all the connections and familiarity of a life you shared Itâs a balm in a very different world weâre having to live in
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