katherine,im not into “group”stuff…well,only on here! i have family/friend,but nothing can fill that huge void. weekends are not the best time,friends tend to do family things,or “couples” i go to the shop for a walk and hope to say hello to somebody,or at least exchange a smile. i talk to adrian all my waking hours,last weekend when i was a way for afew days seeing friends i got overwhelmed by the company.no balance to scales! take care
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Hi Spike, my partner died suddenly 10 months ago. I felt a little lighter around about the six/seven months mark but unfortunately I began feeling really bad again over the past few months. It was his birthday a couple of weeks ago and I just keep on thinking back to how happy we were this time last year. I think grief comes in waves, some bigger than others. You think you’re dealing with it but then it pounces when you’re off guard. Take care.
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Unfortunately there are people out there who want to take advantage of those who are grieving. The year my Keef died I needed to get some things done to the house and garden. The lady decorators I found were brilliant, but the less said about the builders the better. I used to have a second world war bunker in my garden which I couldn’t use as it was so damp that it had become a home to hoards of snails, woodlice and spiders. I decided to have it knocked down and replace with a nice new summer house. First mistake, I used a builder I got talking with up my local micro pub, he didn’t seem to think it was necessary to give me an estimate/invoice instead he would do a bit of work and ask for another £1000! Similar thing happened with having a new drive made to replace my front garden. So gradually the money I had got from my Keef’s demise slowly disappeared. Two years later my mum died and so when I received the money from her estate I realised that I needed to work out/investigate things properly before spending anything so this time I’m getting proper estimates for any work I need doing and the only things I have spent any of the money so far are books! Take care as there are some very unscrupulous people out there. Gail
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Hi, I agree with what you’ve said. Most of my problems have been with gardeners, either no shows or systematically wrecking the grass. I actually wonder if they are actually qualified in any way or just guys who cut grass and chuck weedkiller around. My partner always kept the garden lovely but since he died it’s just not as nice. I try, but need help with the heavy stuff as I have arthritis. Life is just so difficult now. George and I were a partnership. Take care.
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after a weepy day yesterday,and again this morning,i couldnt even say good morning to his photo without choking i feel slightly better. i have been invited by my”wednesday friends” to see the eclipse and early supper on wednesday,no light pollution on .edge of bodmin moor,and we get about 95% coverage….almost totality, a date in my diary,and something different. hoping now i can crawl out of these gloomy days,tears are tiring. x
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I get it too and instead finding understanding here, one person on this board wrote me not to be envious about the happiness of others! I’m not envious, I’m totally alone and with neverending pain! That’s why I don’t write here much anymore, only when I see the posts like yours that makes me feel I relate and I need to respond. It’s Sunday and I must go to work again. I’d like to hear a good morning from my most beloved husband so much…
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I understand why that comment would have upset you, I would be exactly the same. Of course you feel envy when you see others enjoying being with their partner and enjoying the happiness you once had, it’s a perfectly understandable response.
Take care of yourself. I know the majority on here understand your pain, so keep messaging because it really does help, in my opinion.
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Sorry to hear that you are having what I call my ‘low wave’. I really hate the rollercoaster we have to live with now.
I shall definitely watch out for the eclipse on Wednesday. You will be with friends which I am sure will help you. Take care.
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@Guineapig65 It is a process learning how to deal with contractors, one I haven’t quite mastered, but I have found small local businesses to be the best and most reliable. Not corporate jobbers. 9 years in to living by myself. Still do all my own gardening and fall clean-up while I still can. Gardeners? Nah, gas blower wielding neanderthals. I dread when I no longer have the strength. Time to move then 
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im not sure if i feel envious or jut resentful when i see couples of my age and older. out and about. i will be happy for the life of couples i know,they are part of my life too,same as i would be sad if they had problems. its hard to listen sometimes when friends are over enthusiastic about something good in their lives, i know they dont mean to hurt. most people have no intention of hurting,they dont see the big picture. im sure any comment you read wasnt personal,we all try to “advise” each other, beryl is right,being on here does help. take care
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Hi Janka, I don’t think the comment was meant to upset you. Personally I do envy couples, they still have their partners and their lives when I’m alone and sad. I think it’s a very human reaction given my circumstances. That said, I don’t expect others to put their lives on hold for me, as for them life goes on. I know I shouldn’t think like this but after losing my soulmate of 40 years I just can’t help it. Take care.
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I totally agree Norma. We all have a right to our own feelings even if it dosent fit right with others.
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thanks beryl,yes being with my “wednesday friends”will lift the mood. my family are off to france on friday for 10 days,that always plays on my mind,not that i want/expect to go with them,my DIL is insistant that family holidays are quality time ,just the 4 of them,i appreciate that,we never included parents in our holidays.. tonight im meeting 6 ladies i worked with,early supper and a catchup,this happens about 3 times a year. i need to dry the tears today,not as bad as the weekend tho’ , x
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‘@jenka in reply ,yes,iam very grateful i have such a caring family,they dont live close,luckily i do have friends who are close by
It would seem that a number of these so-called gardeners I have used have a preference for various power tools and don’t really know the difference between weeds and rhubarb! Plus I had a couple of different ones during my first year on my own who didn’t take the rubbish away, instead they stuffed it between two large trees at the back of my garden! Bit older and wiser now, three years on, so have decided that from now on when it comes to gardening my son and I should really be able to do it between us.
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wow,im lucky,had the same gardener for years,and the same handyman,i would be very nervous on my own trying to find somebody honest,reliable and in whos company i felt at ease. then its time for me to move to a flat with a balcony near my family….not yet tho !
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@Guineapig65 That is the best way, if you can. At least where I live in NY, I think there are no real “gardeners” for hire. Hopefully you’ll be able to maintain things w/ your son!
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I have a huge garden and have had to come to terms with it looking “not too overgrown”. I can hire someone to deal with the trees or someone to mow lawns but the bits I really need help with -actual gardening (weeding) no chance.
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weeds are the only thing i try and deal with,the heat has dried so much out except for “mile a minute”/”russian vine”and brambles,both are tough customers.im not very tall or mobile,but do my best when its cool mornings/evenings. otherwise it all looks scruffy,ready for its autumn cut back because its dried out.,sadly months away,in the great scheme of things its the least of my worries,im lucky to have such a lovely mature garden,because the next step will be a flat with a balcony i fear,but as i keep saying “not quite yet”.
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@Rosie59 I have a “habitat” garden. Keep the edges neat and invasives out and " overgrown " us what the world needs. I am lucky though, I am on a flag lot, and need not worry about "curb appeal "
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