@manb I also keep saying " not quite yet" the trick is not to get caught out w/ a disaster on your own. I continue to tempt fate..
2 Likes
Oh Noreen, the tears are flowing and I should go to bed, because I have to work tomorrow again. Iām dreading the morning when I open my eyes again and reality hits like a knife into my heart, so Iām trying to stay up as long as it gets. Iām so tired from work, pain, strugglesā¦ Iām exhausted to tears and yet, trying to stay strong because of my loveā¦ Janka
5 Likes
Hi Janka, Iām so sorry youāre having such a tough time. Itās bad enough grieving when you donāt have any support, but the legal hassles with your late husbandās family make itso much more difficult. My partner died 10 months ago and I still dread the mornings, thatās when the anxiety is worse.
My partnerās estate is in probate as he did not have a will so Iāve had to engage a solicitor which will probably cost a fortune. Even though we were together for for 40 years I donāt have any automatic rights. I only found this out after he died. Thereās no animosity between his family and I so Iām hoping things will work out. I donāt know why itās taking so long though..
I hope you get some peace soon. Being in a constant state of stress is not good for your mental or physical health. Take care.
Noreen.
4 Likes
Hello to you all, I received a message today from my son which I have found comforting, so I would like to share it with you in the hope that you may feel the same.
āWestern culture treats grief as a problem to be solved. Something to move through and leave behind, something that should get smaller and eventually stop. However if grief is unexpressed love it was never meant to disappear. You donāt just leave it behind it is just love that has nowhere to go. ā
Take care of yourself everyone.
7 Likes
Thanks @Beryl1B for sharing that, it rings true! People expect us to āget over itā and ācope betterā but as long as I live, I will never get over the loss of the love of my life
6 Likes
wow,that has brought a tear.i had a friend here this morning,the one the police called to be with me whist waiting for our son to arrive from bristol onā that day.ā she said similar thing to your message,she said my grief isnt meant to go away,i will hold it in my heart with my love for adrian,needless to say tha t produced more tears,i try hard not to go to bits in front of anybody,but the mask slipped,but it made sense,as does your sons message,if only as a society it was seen as āacceptableā to carry grief,and not āget over itā like a dose of flu,but to see us being able to live/adapt to the void,pains in our hearts,which doesnt go at the flick of a switch. i find your message and my friends comments came at the right time as i have had a real struggle with emotions,mostly tear fests over the last 3-4 weeks,i know now this is the way it is,and we mustnt feel a failure,and of course remember the late queens statement āgrief isthe price we pay for loveā thanks @beryl,a few more words that put our lives in perspective. xx
3 Likes
@manb Very well put! Cindy 
3 Likes
Dear Anita, we love too deeply to get over it. Only my best friends living over the sea and a couple of older friends in this country know that my most beloved husband is everything to me, this love is stronger than death and there is no death either, only a different reality which is parallel to ours. When I put it this way, I can find a comfort in it, although I miss his voice, kiss, touch, embrace, his physical presence. I tell him many times to show me the way, if I should stay or leave. Iām still waiting thoughā¦ Janka
4 Likes
Dear Noreen, I try to stay mentally sane, but it has a big impact for my health too. Last night I woke up at least three times scared that something is knocking on my bed. It took me a while to understand that is not true. I woke up with a cold sweat on my back, legs, arms, even my hair was wet. I suffer by day and have horrible dreams at night. I had a dream that my documents, money, everything disappeared. I was scared to death, I didnāt want to go back to sleep anymore. I donāt think that Iāve ever woken up in such a shape through my whole life. Itās hard to stay strong when I go through such things every day, thatās why I want to rest these days off to cope with these nightmares and find some peace. I feel much better when I can write it down this way. Thanks God! Janka
4 Likes
writing is good therapy @jenka.
3 Likes
I hope that you feeling better manb. Enjoy the Eclipse !
Set back for me today I am afraid to say. I met up with my long time friends of 45 years, which we do every two or three weeks, four wives and three widows. I gave my friend Jean (86) a lift. When I took her home she invited me in to get an address I needed. The dining room table was set for 2 and the smells from the kitchen were good and inviting. Her husband asked if I wanted to join them, but my friend looked less keen. Just as well as I was really struggling to not appear envy and deep sadness as I knew my dear husband would, and has done the same for me so many times in the past.
I have been in tears and so sad all afternoon. Every time I think I am managing to keep my emotions under wraps something always happens to unleash the tears and sadness.
3 Likes
I agree @Janka this love is stronger than death and one day our season on earth shall be over too
2 Likes
I know and it hits unexpectedly, sometimes only small things or a memory that hurts like a knife into heart. Janka
To be honest, I canāt wait. I miss my most beloved husband more than ever and if itās possible to love him more, I do! Sending you hugs! Janka
2 Likes
@Beryl1B That had to be so hard, essentially your friendās reaction. We never know what will trigger our grief, but that was a big one. I hope you can regain equilibrium and find some comfort tonight Cindy
aww beryl,another blow,its endless. i went to the home of my āwednesday friendsāthe bus was late i was hot,it was 28 degs, i just wasnt in the mood by the time i got there,she did lovely supper in the garden,i had my eclipse glasses,i had 2 cans of beer from my sons brewery,the visuals of the eclipse were spectacular,but it didnt lift my spirits,all 3 of us were quiet,we all admitted at not being able to cope well in the heat,goodness knows how we would be in āmiddle englandā.im now sat in the garden as dusk falls,for once im not in tears,just exhausted, sleep well beryl,another day tmorrow,lets hope its less teary for us all. x
1 Like
That day canāt come fast enough. Am fed up of this existence
5 Likes
Thank you for your understanding. It just all seems too much at the moment . Sat outside this evening in my garden with a glass of wine remembering 1999 eclipse when we took the caravan to Suffolk. Weather tomorrow here 35 deg. !
2 Likes
After the storm and rain 17 degrees Celsius here in Arizona.
1 Like
@Janka I thought that must be where you were: monsoon
1 Like