@manb Assisted Living gives me the fear. I toured those places when my husband was ill, and my mother was in one, and left. They were nickle & diming her for services, on top of the exorbitant monthly rent. I’ve had friends try, too, then leave. Nope! Cindy
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Noooo,this is a dreadful i think that is pushing boundaries,no matter strength of faith,its not the approach. I too would have hung up,probably before you, so sorry you had to go through this. xx
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I’m so sorry Anita. Thinking of you and sending hugs 
Wishing you all the best Tom
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yes,the service fees were high,the appartments were cheaper than those for sale to general public out in the town. but i still felt as if i would be going into care,not ready for that,it will come soon enough! i did think just moving areas,living “normally”,giving up friends here wasnt a benefit,but now im thinking just being in a nicer area with family close i could cope without knowing people,the environment would get me out more. as i said,its all “up in the air” seeing my family in 2 weeks cant come soon enough now. i need them near me more than i need wall to wall company. .
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Anita
I’m so sorry you had to hear that complete rubbish talk. After my Ray passed away, a ‘friend’ of 85, who also still has her husband, texted me to say ‘Ray had a quick exit, but God knows best’. I was too in shock to respond but now in the last few months, I’m utterly furious at her insensitivity. God didn’t know best for me or Ray, to take him after he’d just turned 60, 12 days previously. How dare she!
I have cut this person out of my life completely. I don’t need anyone like that around me.
Sending you a big hug, Fiona x
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You did really well to listen for that long, not sure that I could have. What is wrong with people ? One of the reasons I value this group so much is that I know that anybody on here really does know how we all feel.
I was once told by an elderly man whilst at our local Church that God never puts more on your shoulders than he thinks you are capable of dealing with. I am afraid to say my response was - Well if that’s the case and I ever come back on this earth again I hope that I am completely useless and that way I should get a smoother run than I have had so far ! I felt guilty afterwards but I was pleased to get it off my chest !
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Thanks so much Fiona @Peg2 and @Beryl1B I don’t understand why people think they can trample on us when we are at our lowest My life is already horrid since my husband died, why do they want to make us feel even worse? Beggars believe. And their religious platitudes are appalling.
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Hi manb, I have been reading your messages this evening and the feeling I am getting is that you are at a low point and are searching for a solution which is very understandable. I have been there so many times myself. I suppose that we all just want this awful pain to ease and anything has to be better. From your previous messages you clearly have a caring son and d-i-l and I am sure they will help you to make the right decision .
They are also grieving and probably need your emotional support just as much as you need theirs.
One step at a time and be kind to yourself. You have tried so very hard and sound tired. Sending a big hug.
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thanks beryl,yes,im missing them very much,more than i ever have. the last couple of months i have felt low,reality is painful. it will be so good when i can sit with them in 2 weeks and talk about this,no rush,we have to make sure its not a knee jerk reaction. iam very lucky that i have a choice,even if the choice is big downsize,no garden,i need my family,i need to feel secure with backup.yes,im a bit tired,brain in overdrive for a while now. i felt better by telling on here yesterday,the 3 friends i needed to run it past were supportive,certainly “no dont do it”,which also makes decisions easier. so now its just the family. ive stopped looking at property options on line,too soon,all i needed was confirmation that it was possible financially. i putting my ducks in a row! thanks beryl as always for support x
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Good on you @Beryl1B Some people apparently think that quoting a verse from the Bible gives them a free pass to insult and hurt others! Am glad you put them in their place
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Hi and sorry for your loss. Listening to that would have have made me so angry. I’ve found no comfort in my faith since my partner died eleven months ago, it’s in total crisis at the moment. I really hate the one about it being all part of God’s plan. Some plan!!
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Hi Norma I don’t understand why people talk about God’s plan. I always thought that God’s plan was for us to live in harmony with the animals in Eden and what we have now is of our making.
Wishing you all the best Tom
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Hi @Norma1 at first I was in shock after hanging up. Then I was furious. I’ve blocked this lady on my phone so I won’t get a phone call from her EVER again. Presumably the pain and anguish of losing my husband (which are like nothing I’ve gone through before and which I don’t wish on anyone) are also part of the “wonderful plan”?
What it’s shown me is that as a recently widowed personI am very vulnerable and we have to be on our toes to protect ourselves from these meddling people. I have no idea what sadistic pleasure can they possibly get from hurting the bereaved but am going to be a lot quicker to hang up and send people packing from now on.
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yes,vunerable we are.lets hope you wont need to hang up on such half wits again. take care x
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Hi Annita66. I’ve had some crazy advice given to me as well. I lost my partner Theresa in March of this year. It was 17 days later before her funeral took place. Two weeks later I was told by a drunken friend that I had to" snap out of it.life is for the living." Another friend told me that the" good weather was coming and I would feel better," I told him that would feel a thousand times better if Theresa was with me to share the good weather.
They just don’t really understand what it is to have shared a life with someone for over 35 years then to suddenly lose them, how it turns your whole world upside down. Take care
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Thanks @Alex9 ! Am so sorry for your loss! I also spent the best 35 years of my life with my husband. The one thing I’ve learned is that only people who have suffered this kind of loss truly understand what it’s like. Wishing you a good rest of your day!!
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it never ceases to amaze me, the utter claptrap we have heard in these most awful of times in our lives…advice they call it….beggers belief
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thank goodness for this page! x
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