Nearly 4 years since I lost Alan but still find it the same as you now. Even family do not understand. They grieve the same but go back to their normal lives but my life will never be normal again. People don`t mean to say the wrong things they cannot understand what it is like to be on this dreadful journey & until they go through it themselves they never will. I take each day as it comes & keep going. Take care x
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couldnāt agree more @manb
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interesting,im at 23 months and for almost 3 months have felt at my lowest ebb,just as i thought i was ādoing okāno trigger factors that im really aware of, came b ack from a holiday in corfu ,never felt so alone and tearful,my garden was my sanctuary,me the trees and birds.now i dont want the garden,the house,being alone anymore.imgoing to speak to my family about moving closer,we said at the beginning of this journeyāgive it 2 yearsā i wasnt aware of the timescale when i suddenly wanted to make the move,lightbulb moment. no idea how it will pan out,im taking things slowly,planning in my head before i speak to my family in 2 weeks. not stopping these wretched tears thoā x
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I know the feeling Manb the house doe s not feel like a home anymore, I canāt get motivated to do things in my house or garden as Iām at 6 months of losing my partner Theresa. Take care
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ohh,so early on this journey @Alex9 ive been ok with the house,our home,had work done,i do have a gardener,but now i dont want to live here,this town .my family are south of bristol,im east cornwall, 3 hour train, 2+by car,not that i drive the m5 anymore.i just want to up sticks and be near them. if they agree it will be my 2027 project,or get the ball rolling back end of this year. i just feel so lost/empty. my family are on holiday,so no idea whats going on,i will chat with them next week and then im going to visit the following week just before boys go back to school. thanks everybody for replies,ive been on here so much recently as the emotions/confusion hitā¦its like the early days when life was like a tsunami wave. i will survive,all made easier by being on here.
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Hi manb sounds like a good idea to me. Iām sure I would move closer to family if I had the possibility. It will also give you something to concentrate on. I hope everything goes well and you find something that you find easier to work with and closer to your family. Wishing you all the best Tom
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thanks tom,its always good to have a āprojectā,as you say something to concentrate on,and will ,fingers crossed,make life easier. im lucky i have the choice.
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Hi manb
I have read that you want to move home well that is your decision but please.think.hard.about it as once.you bave done it there is no going back i have been in this for 6yrs now and my home is my sanctuary evem although i am on my own now husband anymore and i live in the same city as my brothers and 2nephews i have one nephew that takes.me out every fortnight for a.meal.and a costa coffee my husbands family also live here and since the day i met my husband they have never liked me and we where married for 44yrs we bought this bungalow for my husband but the first house was bought for me by him to make sure i was safe and secure if anything happened to him although he was young then and in this bungalow we had a lot of happy times we loved it i know that is me but i dont see his family at all and only one nephews so you see all the family around you and you can still be lonely i do hope you make the right decision for you and you will.know if its right but we all get in that rut i also.am.in it where i cannot be bothered with the house as much as i should.be and and as for the gardens well.i have someone to do.them.for me as i cannot do them.anymore at the moment one of my outside lights is not working and has not been for a.year now and i have a four light light fitting in my kitcken and two bulbs gone out in that and as for cleaning well i have really lost my.mojo for it all at the moment i am.trying to get myself going but i do miss my husband very much indeed so.please think hard and really listen to your kids and make the right decision for.you i do wish you well in whatever decision you make
Take care
Sweetlady
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Hi Sweetlady
Itās amazing how so many of us on this website live parallel lives.
I have lived in this house for over 40 years, with my wife until I lost her in 2024. I have an arthritic hip and consequently the large garden is a burden and the stairs donāt get any easier. Iām thinking I should move to somewhere more appropriate to my needs but I do feel my wifeās presence here and if I move it might not be the same.
Retirement bungalows come up from time to time and they look very nice. There are also retirement apartments but the service charges are quite high and would I fit in to a retirement ācommunityā, it seems a risk. Iām thinking I could perhaps rent a retirement apartment for a while to see how I get on and keep my house, that way I wonāt be burning my bridges, but it would be expensive.
By the way my outside light hasnāt worked for months and my kitchen light packed up three months ago and I havenāt got round to replacing the fitting because āitās only for meā so doesnāt seem urgent!
One day we will sort ourselves out. For now take care of yourself.
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@Sweetlady and@RJay. here we are all singing off the same song sheet. yes,i thought āassisted livingāflats were expensive per annum,and would i join in ācommunity livingā. ohhh,im confused,cant wait tospend time talking to family. as i have said in previous posts the few real friends i have down here have been supportive,and theres always a room for me to visit. if i live near family seeing them wont āfeel specialābut i also wont go to bits when we say goodbye every 4-6 weeks. im concerned about help i may need as i get older,my joints are not good now,so moving makes sense whilst i have capacity mentally and physically. i love the area where they live. i have just fallen out of love with our house and garden,it happened overnight,my reason for not doing thisearlier was A,too soon(im almost 23months) B i like our house/garden and could manage it. C couldnt be bothered. D would i be lonely. well,im lonely here,this t own doesnt have much to offer,my closest friends are a bus ride away or a 35 mile drive,its been a glorious summer,but ive hardly seen anybody,. my sanctuary felt like a prison, so now we are in reverse. i feel ready(i think!?),i dont love our house and i can be bothered to make the effort. also i have failed to mention my 96 year old mother who is in a dememntia care home,no power of attorney,so awaiitng deputyship so her flat can be sold to pay for her care,once this happens,my responsibilities for maintaining her flat are over.her care,and now legal aspects have been a nightmare since adrian died. i really appareciate your words and have taken them on board. as much as today this seems the right direction,i still need to weigh it up for longer.im not āhouse huntingāonline,just looked at options/prices to see if it was doable. next big step is family chat. i want my ongoing life to be easy for them too,and will being closer in a smaller property help them should i need assistance? its not all about me,im not selfish,it wasnt long ago when i did feel,oh well,im here,they are there,good luck sorting me/house out when time comes. another reversal of thoughts,i dont want them to be up an down the dreaded m5. so many if/but/maybe. once again thanks for support,i honestly wont rush headlong,we as a family wont rush. i dont know my families long term plans,my son hopes to retire at 55,by then the youngest will be 17,they may sell up and retire down here in cornwall, where could that leave me,81 and in portishead on my own? moving too expensive for me to relocate twice. but as we all know we cant predict whats round the next corner,or we wouldnt be on here pouring our hearts out. cheers all.
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@manb @Sweetlady
There are so many hurdles to cross. Packing this house up is almost beyond my imagination. I know there are companies that will deal with clearing/moving for you but I really do need to go through it myself. Iām trying to declutter and feel Iām making progress until I open the next cupboard!
My sister lives 20 miles away and, not having children, she is my closest relative. It would be nice to move closer to her so Iām set up if I ever have to give up driving.
All the spiritual advice says live in the ānowā because we canāt possibly predict the future. Iād like to think that I could have some influence on it though.
Making these sort of life changing decisions without your partner and best friend is difficult.
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i have just drafted an email..list form,no waffle of idea/pro/con to send to my son and daughter in law,so they are pre-armed for our round the table the following week,so much easier to write things down in order,especially as im sure to blub during conversation! i will send it tomorrow,they can read it on the ferry crossing from france before they hit the ground running/work on monday. as for packing up the houseā¦.its the sheds/attic that bother me.but i have a plan for all that stuff. and of clourse it will be a major downsize,there is alocal removal firm who take what you want to new abode,and take the rest to be sold/scrapped,they come highly recomended. one less worry,not that i have got anywhere near that stage,but always best to have a plan!
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despite all the emotion/tears thinking about āfuture stuffāi can feel the positivity/motivation creeping back,the āold meā. every cloud and all that.
@manb
Creating a pro/con list is a good idea. Just putting thoughts on this website helps to organise your mind. Trying to decide about anything is very difficult with the brain fog of grief.
I have a large cherry tree in my garden which is really beyond my capabilities and I need someone to come and deal with it. Iāve been thinking about it for months! My sister has recommended a company, so I need to get on with it (but I donāt want to!).
My attic is another worry because my hip makes it difficult to get up there. I used to climb up there when my wife was here because she could have arranged help if I got stuck, but now itās another risk to worry about. You are right about companies that will clear as much or little as you want and it would be sensible to get them to do it. I think I will clear the garage first and then get the attic emptied into the garage. Cherry tree first though I think 
.
Not sure where my kitchen light, which has been waiting 3 months, fits into the schedule yet.
One day at a time. One job at a time.
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ditto with hip/back/kneesā¦im only 73! at least the brain isnt as done in as my joints. my garden costs quite a lot PA to maintain,its lovely,ive enjoyed its company over the summer,but all i need is a balcony/terrace,somewhere to sit. i have friends,a couple who have remained my constant,we meet once a week,wednesdays ,this afternoon they have asked me to join them for a āpie and pintāevent,even organised a taxi,out at the wkend with humans,that doesnt happen very often,a refeshing change,lift the spirits.
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Thinking of you. Take a breath and enjoy your time with friends at the pub. I feel your anxiety. Just deciding whether to go for fixed or tracker energy tariff has totally confused and panicked me this week !
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So much easier when it was just a shilling in the meter !
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oh blimey beryl,yes,i had some confusion over which box to tick with octopus energy,lets hope it was the right choice,as im all electric and prices are on the rise againā¦another reason to downsize for me? thanks,a change of scenery and listen to music(well,theres music and music!) and a pint/pie will be lovely. bless them,they have been worried about me over the last few weeksā¦ive been worried about me too! x
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Yes I battle alone every single day. Let me know if you want to chat.
@Peg2 Good for you!
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