Relate to your words, sadly!
X
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i didnt want to move,then out of the blue.a light bulb moment,mainly because i missed my family so much,they are so supportive,but 2 hours away,the āpaid advisorsāas in estate agents and solicitors are understanding, i go between excitement and panic,if i feel panic i tell myself i dont have to do it,but then the thought of the distance between us really gets to me,and i cant wait for it to happen,the old roller coaster again,as you say plus the grief,its tough,but maybe you see what i cantā¦.iam getting stronger,hope so! mandy
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Ah, I see, you are still working, not surprising none of it is of interest. I was never interested in āprofessional advancementā I had a ācareerā because I had to.
To quote Shakespeare: How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable
Seem to me all the uses of this world.
Our task now is to reconstruct meaning. Meaning was wrapped up in the ones we loved, so now we must begin again. Iāve slowly started, focusing on house ,garden, and a friend or two.
Anita, you are doing better than you think, and will find meaning and interest in other directions than work. I wish you peace, in this journey we are on 
Cindy
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Absent.Thank you for your reply.It really is a hard path along which we tread.Take carex
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Thank you Cindy!! 
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Today i enter my 3rd year of widowhood,iam trying hard to put some positive energy into the road ahead,a move to be closer to my family,setting up a new little home,āproject portishead 2027ā
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Manb,
I hope you manage today ok.
.
Take care.
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thank you,really appreciate your message
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I hope things work out well for you man b itās 3 years since I lost my partner and my family are 7 hours away and I canāt do the journey now Iām in my seventies and I canāt go there to live itās too expensive tbh so I.am not just grieving My partner Iām grieving my family also itās really heart breaking so it least you have the chance so do it I would in a heart beat 
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i thought 2 hours away was bad enough. its expensive where they live,i shall have to downsize to 1 bedroom flat,but in reality its all i need,anything to be close,BUT its all got to happen/fall into place,being +ve about it is a roller coaster,adds to the pain of the grief,and i agree with your words,grieving family now too,so i must be thankful there is a chance i can get closer,or it will be continuing the monthly train journey to visit.better than nothing,as i said i must be thankful for that,but the goodbyes get harder,what was once my sanctuary has now become empty house syndrome. nothing prepares you for the changing tides of grief. take care and thanks for the message x
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Thinking of you especially today.
I have followed your messages for some time now and have always been impressed by your common sense and determination and I feel convinced that you will achieve your goal because of who you are.
I just wish I had a fraction of your courage. I only have a sadly deteriorating garden fence and the prospect of finding the best way of dealing with it so overwhelming I feel unable to even take the first step, so you should feel proud of yourself for taking the first important steps on your journey, far greater than me and my fence !
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thanks beryl,i think you have been reading me quite well,maybe im using my old self better than i realised, its hard to āsee meāthrough the constant tears and heavy heart. your words have lifted me. as for that rickety fence,look at local pages for āpeople who do stuffā, and ārecommendationsā my town has online pages,and being a small town ācowboysā are soon sifted out. let us know when you take your first stepā¦.xx
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Good morning manb
I hope you find your positive energy, itās such a precious commodity to us isnāt it.
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Hi Beryl1B
Iām the same. It takes weeks for me to decide about anything. The trouble is when you resolve one thing two more issues crop up to worry about. I got an overgrown cherry tree cut down to size last week but that has just made my monster laurel hedge look worse! The tree surgeons were very nice though, so theyāre coming back at the end of the month to deal with it.
I have a feeling my rickety back gate will then occupy unwelcome space in my mind!
Sadly this indecision is all part of our condition.
Look after yourself and try not to worry too much.
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@RJay i was like that about remedial outside work this summer,then all of a sudden i got the bit between my teeth and found āa man who canā,this was my forever home,and i needed it to be tidier,no sooner was the work done and the lightbulb moment happened,i needed to move away. at least it looks better for potential buyers.theres no telling how our newly wired brains are going to work from one day to the next!
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Iāve found sorting all the jobs and maintenance a big stress. My husband would have got on and done them or we would together. I am trying now to learn to let go and accept someone else doing things at our home, then weeks to find someone I feel might be ok, then deal with them when they turn up. I need a new purpose built gate and replacement fence but have decided to leave them until spring after the winter weather. The fence is a worry though. Itās hard to find people and who you feel ok with so Iām trying to lump jobs together, that way they are only here once. Some things Iāve had to learn to shrug and say does it matter, itās trivial.
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i did that,left it over winter and replaced this summer,i was lucky that i used somebody we both knew, and has done work before makes such a difference when you are on your own,its all about trust,next month its the big garden cut down,once again,hes been coming here for years,maybe a benefit from adrian not being practical that there was already help at hand,i have just cleared a shed of his āall the gear,no ideaā. made me chuckle,very little of it ever saw the light of day,i blame middle aisle shopping!
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Hi Hope I am sorry to hear about your family living so far away it must so upsetting. My eldest sister has her two daughters living in Australia and itās hard.
Thinking of you and sending hugs
Wishing you all the best Tom
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Hi well nothing has changed the wasps still get in the bathroom a fight every morning. The house still has a subsidence issue which the insurance want to monitor over a year even though some of the cracks in the garage wall are over 1cm wide. Itās been going on for over a year now I wish Iād never told them about the first cracks. They did find tree roots in the drains though. Itās two years since John left and nothing has changed there either. I struggle to get up each day. The transport is still a problem so I only go to one group per week my friend still doesnāt drive so I donāt see anybody most weeks although my son does pop over to take me shopping , Iām lost still. No where I fit in. Iām not interested. In any hobbies. No energy so just sit about all day. I already take antidepressants which donāt help so Iām ready to give up. I knew I couldnāt manage without John and thatās the way itās turning out. Good luck to those stronger people. Xx
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its good that your son is helping out,and an ear when you need to talk about the state of your house,that must be a real worry. if the anti depressants dont work,why dont you try without,could there be side effects that are not helping you? you can always restart them,just a thought yvonne. as for the wasps,its getting cooler,maybe they will hibernate soonā¦somewhere other than your bathroom. fingers crossed. x
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