Thank you for your encouraging words. I was doing so well until today - being brave and moving things forward to try and make a life alone. Things are hotting up property wise - phone calls from solicitors, agents etc etc and papers to check and sign. Im getting so frightened about it all - the enormity of leaving our home and starting again, the fear of making mistakes - its all starting up again. I just want to shut my eyes and magic it all away. The horror of 2023 so far and losing my G has made me so fearful. Where can i find the courage from?
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Everything u say resonates with me It’s so hard to cope with all the aftermath of death I am still so upset that I am scared of making the wrong decisions about money issues What a horrible experience this is Blessings Just do your best
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Its having the lack of your partner to discuss things with isnt it? I guess we are all scared of making mistakes. Ive just had the survey back - quite a few issues to consider. I had hoped it would be positive - we’d been trying to move for so long but just couldnt find the right property. I had hoped i’d cracked it. It makes you feel very insecure being on your own doesnt it? I just feel like running away. But that wont solve anything i know. I hope you manage to find strength to make your decisions too.
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Hi
It’s very difficult but try to trust your instincts. From your previous posts it sounds like you’re ready for a new start. My husband died ten years ago and now I have lost my Mum too, so I feel very much on my own with making decisions. Best wishes xx
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Yes - you are so right about instincs. Everything is pointing me towards starting a-new but i always get to this point and feel like backing out. Its stay here and vegetate - moaning about what’s happening to our village,’ or take a leap of faith and do something entirely new. Scary. I wish there was a bravery pill you could take. Ive missed my partner and my cat so much these past weeks - they were my life😪
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Hi, yes it’s scary but you’ll never know unless you try. What’s the worst that could happen?? Haven’t you already faced the worst thing… Hold your nerve and remember, making a fresh start is hard for everyone. Tell yourself you’re brave enough to do it, because you have already got this far. Maybe once you’ve settled you might be ready to welcome another cat into your life. I’m a cat lover too so I know how it feels when you lose them…
Best wishes xx
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Rosiepink - thank you. Your words have struck a chord with me. I suffer with anxiety which stops me from moving forward but you are so right - i have faced the worst thing. I think the loneliness is hitting home big-time now. Im so lucky to have the friends and family I do have and my little job allows me to have my ‘fix’ of felines (there are 8 cats on the yard) and i admit i have a cry sometimes when i stroke them as theyre not my girl. Where im moving to is on a road and i wouldnt risk having another cat there. We didnt have holidays as i wouldn’t leave her especially when she got older and had medication. I suppose i can have a break now - tho not much fun without my sweetie to share it with. I miss the reassurance and love my partner gave me. You don t appreciate what you had until its gone do you?
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Ah very true, but when you have suffered a devastating loss it does make you feel more appreciative of what you have. It’s lovely you have contact with some cats… like you, I thought I would never have another after the loss of my last cat, a month before my Mum died. Recently I have adopted two beautiful kittens, it was completely spur of the moment! They are causing chaos but also providing me with moments of joy. Best wishes xx
Im sorry to hear you lost your cat before your mum died - G and I were devestated when Tasha had to be put to sleep. She was our baby - we never had any kids. She was a one-off with a beautiful nature. I miss her so much. I’d love kittens. We had her from around 10 mths old. Such fun. Its decision time for me this week - got my nephew going to the cottage to give me his opinion (builder). I just want a simple life - i dont need much. Just peace and quiet. Did you put your cats in a cattery when you needed to be away?
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Hi
Yes, I have used a cattery in the past, plus made use of kind relatives and friends, when going on holiday. Oh it’s good you have a builder in the family, I’m sure you’ll be able to make a well informed decision once he has a look. Keep the hope going, you’ll get the quiet life you want. I feel a bit like that as I have a 16 year old son (my youngest) who obviously still lives with me. I feel I’ve put a lot of my own plans aside while he grows up so now I’m counting down until he is an adult. Then if I decide to move he’ll have to either come with me or sort himself out. I just hope I still have the courage and motivation when the time comes! Best wishes xx
Im having a bad morning. The panic is setting in. Ive got to arrange the visit back to the cottage. This is the point when i start to find excuses to back out. Ive been here so many times before. I just want to lay in bed and disappear. I want the world to stop. All i long for is life to be like it used to be.
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Sorry to hear you are struggling this morning I guess it is all part of the grieving process I know I find mornings very difficult.I have to really make an effort to motivate myself into action Certain big tasks but essential ones like buying a new car by myself are especially challenging. I hope you find a way through today Blessings
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Thank you. Im trying to distract myself with work at the moment but am having a horrible panic attack. Cant cry. Feel so dreadfully alone. Sorry to be such a wuss. Need a hug from my G. Im frightened i’ll forget the sound of his voice. Am i doing the right thing?
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Distraction is a very useful tool and can really help you feel calmer I do that a lot
I am a sort of Buddhist too and often just go to the Temple and walk around and meditate in the beautiful gardens to calm myself down Any activity that helps you achieve some kind of peace is priceless Blessings
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Hi
My partner Simon died suddenly 17 months ago. I was alone in a house full of memories that was far too large, living in a couple of rooms and missing him and our previous life so much. I decided to move to be closer to my daughter, with positive advice from some people and warnings from others about jumping too soon.
The house sold quickly and I moved into a run down bungalow 11 months after Simon died. The bungalow is 40 minutes away from my old house. I have been renovating the bungalow but have very little enthusiasm for it. I still feel empty, alone and just want to have my life back and I think that would be the same wherever I lived. I do not regret my decision to move at all. I am hoping that as time moves on, my enthusiasm for life will return, even though I know it will be different. I have joined the local U3A group and have also maintained my former friendships. I think my decision was right for me, but please, please think very carefully.
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Okay, small steps… arrange the visit because you can’t make an informed decision until you have assessed the situation. Keep calm and practical. As much as you want things to be the way they were in the past, you can’t go back. The only way is forwards… this doesn’t have to overwhelm you. Dig deep into your keeping calm and controlled tool box… Sending you best wishes for strength xx
Rosiepink - you sound like my sister - she tries to help me as much as she can and encourage me to step forward. I know you are right. Ive always had this dreadful fight with myself re anxiety. Its a never ending story. I get all confident and want to change my life and get so far but then cant move on due to the fear. Im trying to arrange a re-visit with my nephew but its at this point i back-out. My fear takes over. Poor G had to put up with this when we tried to move before. Then after i’d cancel everything i would then be immediately relieved of the fear but then the self-loathing and regret would send me off wanting to change things again. G used to quite rightly get angry with me. Im just sorry i didnt get the chance to say sorry to him and tell him how much i appreciated him before he died.
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Be kind to yourself. It sounds like you know there’s a familiar pattern to your response so try hard to break the cycle. It’s normal to have fear for change when you’re moving into uncharted territory. Anyone would be the same. Maybe write down everything that’s causing the anxiety, then leave it a day or so, come back and read it through… or read it to a friend so you can talk it through? Best wishes xx
Thank you. Yes - i know myself very well! My Dad suffered with desperate depression and anxiety problems ever since i was late teens and had a breakdown. Im very much my father’s daughter. Im going back to re-view on Thursday with my nephew. I should be excited but i’m dreading it. Went for a long walk this afternoon to try and shake myself out of it.
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Well done, you got it arranged…
Keep an open mind, it may be any work that needs doing can be taken off the price of the property. Best wishes xx