Hi Anne
Your post made me smile about the broken fingernail but yes you are so right.
Are you still having counselling? Does it help at all?
Nicky xx
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I know what you mean about talking every day - I feel the same way. I have had counselling through SR which has been very helpful - once a week for 40 mins via video. At least that way I can see who I’m talking to which I find better. I have cried a lot, talked a lot, been very muddled sometimes and the counsellor is always so lovely and patient and kind. I only have 2 sessions left and to be honest I’m not looking forward to it finishing. As I don’t talk to my siblings because they aren’t ready to talk about mum (they talk to each other but not to me - maybe because I am the big sister and they don’t know I need to talk?) it’s one of the few times I get to talk like that. I’ve heard of something called the Grief Café (I think) - does anyone else know more about this? I think I’m going to look into it as a way of having more talking time.
I’m finding all this talk about hugging really hard - I am so glad for people who will be able to hug their loved people again but it just hurts so much that I can’t hug mum - ever again😢 it just doesn’t make sense. And my siblings are scattered around the country so can’t even hug them until we can arrange to meet up.
I just keep seeing her, smiling, happy to see me, just being mum - 3 months and it’s still so raw. I read a book recently that she enjoyed and said I should read - I cried so much that I can’t talk to her about it, ask her what she loved about it, which parts of it resonated with her. It’s that awful silence…
Take care all
Nam xx
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Hi All,
I’ve just read through all your messages, and the common theme is our strong mothers. When I look back at everything my mum went through in her life, and yet she died alone in a hospital bed. I curse Covid, but like you have said, I too am dreading the 17th May. Being in lockdown has given me the excuse to hide away. I am due back at work on 20th May, and dreading it, having to mix with people and make conversation. I’ve not been going out at all, so it will come as a shock.
I hope we will all be able to see some light one day, but at the moment we are all still grieving.
Take care, I’m so glad we stay in touch.
Karen xxx
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Hi Anne
Don’t ever apologise.
It sounds as though your counsellor wasn’t being very helpful suggesting towns to move to, I think that’s a bit outside her remit really. And you shouldn’t feel conscious about the time, she will let you know when your time is drawing to a close. This is why I think the Grief Cafe would help you when they start up again - you would have the chance to talk to other people who aren’t there to try and fix you, it is a shared experience and it really does help. Do have a think about it, I know you don’t like video chatting but you don’t have to be on the camera if you don’t want to (here I am criticising your counsellor and now I’m telling you what you should do…sorry 
)
And you’ve always got us here, of course xx
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Hello NPM
The Grief Cafe (online) is run by The Good Grief Trust. They’re not running at the moment but they are hopefully starting up again soon.
I have been to about 5 of these (then they paused). I found them really helpful but it took a lot of courage to go to the first one but I was made to feel welcome and you don’t have to talk at all if you don’t want to or you can if you do.
It just helps to be among other bereaved people. Have a look at their website, it’s a really good charity.
Nicky x
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Nam and Karen
I have to turn the telly down every time anything comes on about hugging. I just want to hug my Mum - she called her hugs “warm holdy hugs” and I miss them so much.
I bought some new shoes online last week and when they came, I cried all day as my Mum would have loved them on me and we’d have chatted about them. It’s those things that break my heart.
Nicky xxx
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Hi Anne I felt for you reading your post, from experience these services are very stretched and unfortunately very time lead, the bit about it being so many, again it’s like it’s all rushed, I honest think that people end up going back further down the line for more support. I am not knocking the therapist as they are good at their job but unfortunately have to go by the time scales. Glad you finding it helpful in some ways. I really value being able to talk to our little group sharing and giving each other support and understanding. Sending a hug and healing thoughts. Love Perth x
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Nam thinking of you too and glad your getting some counselling help, I’m a little like you in that I would like to be able to see somebody as we are talking, never thought I would get use to this way of seeing people. Still I cannot wait until I’m back to being able to hug people, I know it’s not every bodies thing but it’s what I’ve missed so many months now. Take care and thank you for writing on here as I just wrote to Anne I value being able to talk and support each other. Love Perth xx
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Karen take one step at a time and remember be kind to yourself, it will be hard to start with but in time it will get easier, at the moment you may not be able to see that, I’m the same with regard to mixing with people. I miss my mum, as we all have said already and hate what this Covid thing has brought. I do not watch the news these days as it’s so hard and upsetting.
Keep in touch, thinking of you love Perth xx
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Hi I can completely relate to how your feeling. I lost my mum in March she was only 51. I just feel so lost and stuck. I was suppose to go back to work monday after 6 weeks off and I just broke down after an hour feeling like I was being forced to move on and leave it all behind. I also have an 11 year old who was besotted by nanny and I hurt so much to not be able to help her or take away her pain. I just keep seeing my mums face of her crying. And I dont know what to do anymore … you must be feeling the same or similar. Everyone just says it gets better in time and I hope your time in this pain is over soon. Stay strong but remember it’s always good to cry when you remember
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Hi…I am so sorry to hear about your mum, she was taken too soon, and welcome to the group. We are all grieving for our mum’s and so understand how painful it is to miss them so much. Like you it is still early days for us, we are all very supportive of each other.
My mum passed on 25th Feb and haven’t worked since. I teach, and I am dreading facing the staff and pupils, but if I don’t go back I might never. I live alone and need to work for financial reasons, plus I’m a few years of retirement.
Thanks for your advice, and you take care. Message anytime, we all here for each other.
Karen xxx
Oh Anna, it sounds upsetting. When do you have to leave the holiday home? Although, it is hard, you are doing everything you can, given that you are hurting so badly.
Have you talked it over with your sisters, and is there a place that you may have visited with your mum that you both liked?
It’s going to be tough, leaving your home but you will still have memories of you and your mum and they will always be with you. Take care Karen xxx
Oh Anne
I am sorry.
But I think the trip was bound to be upsetting, it’s probably one of the first you’ve done since you lost your Mum and you’re out of your security zone. I can relate to that. Everything seems scary and daunting.
Could you rent a property for 6 months? This would take the pressure off you to find somewhere permanent and maybe buying something you’d regret.
It is a terrible time for you to have to be making such a big decision as where to live, especially on your own.
Sending a hug. Chat any time you need to xxxx
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hi Nam Anne Nicky, Karen, so sorry one way or another we’ve been finding our day a little daunting for all of us in different ways.
Welcome Tadpole to the group.
Anne I think our friends are right may be find some where you could take refuse comfort in knowing the area and a chance to take some of the pressure off, it gives you a little breathing space to grief although as we have all said missing our mums never really goes away but in time may be slightly easier. Our mums have been a rock in our life’s and it’s understandable we are missing them.
Thinking of you all, it’s good to keep in touch.
Sending a virtual hug love Perth xxx
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Hello Anne, Perth, Karen, Nam and Tadpole
Just saying hello. Hope you’re all OK today, as OK as you can be.
Nicky x
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Hello nicky, thank you for your kind words, today has been just a day. Not good not bad just another day. I hope your well and had a better day x
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Hi Tadpole
Your day sounds like mine. Nice to hear from you. Have a peaceful evening xx
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Hello Tadpole Anne Nicky and Karen
Not a good day for me today either, last night and today have been in tears thinking of my mum, miss her so much, as I’ve said and us all often.
All the talk of coming out to see family hugs eating out etc the list goes on doesn’t help as I can’t help thinking my mum is missing this dad and Ikept this thought on that she would return home. Come on Perth stop the waffling going around in circles. I came across a quote today that said ‘ Grief is the last act of love we have to give to those we loved.Where there is deep grief, there was great love’
Hope this give you all a little lift. Funny enough I came across it as I was upset, May be my mum was sending me a message.
Take care all speak again soon Perth xx
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Hello Perth, im a believer in messages being passed through somehow. Little signs from a loved one. Dont ever feel your waffling on were all in the same positions and sometimes all you need is to go on and repeat yourself for things to make sense. Such a lovely quote by the way . Stay strong. And take care of yourself
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Thank you xx
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