Apologies for going on about people being insensitive. After my wife died in hospital I stayed with her for fifteen minutes I didn’t want to stay with her any longer she looked beautiful and at peace ( I was worried that look might change) . When I told the nurse I was going. Her reply was oh people stop a lot longer than this . I changed the subject and said it must be a hard job seeing people dying. She went on to say “ I have had 7 relatives die and you don’t know what it’s like “ of course I do I have lost my wife. She then went on to tell my daughter about all her loses . She was unbelievably not sympathetic. Try and rise above all the negative comments everyone.
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@Kwent I think you handled the situation with the nurse incredibly well, you were demonstrating empathy and sensitivity and she did not respond in that way at all towards you and your daughter at a time when you needed it most. I think you are right in saying try and rise above it, there are other people who have been so supportive and caring, and have said such lovely comforting words and been there to listen when I need them. These are the important people in my life, and like so many have said here, the others really don’t matter at all. xx
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Kwent
I lost my wife in july I too stayed with her went out side to make some phone calls went back in But I could not go back in the room with her after she passed The nurse had made up a bed for me so I could stay with her, so I spent the last 48hrs with her I do beat myself up about it now , but i think none of us know how we will react when the time comes
steve xx
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We had a similar instance in the hospital, after my husband passed, I was there with his 2 daughters & husbands & sister, after his passing was confirmed the nurse went off to make us a cup of tea & said someone would be in to talk to us about what to do next. The tea never came & after a while waiting in the room with my deceased husband, my son in law went to find someone & was just handed a booklet. We then just left, no one came to talk to us or offer any kindness. It was such a surreal experience.
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So disgusting. Makes me so cross. The patient deserves so much more than being treated like that.
Deborah x
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Why is it that we have to suffer tragedy and loss on such a huge scale before we find out who is a real friend, who is sensitive, who really cares about you and is honestly there for you?
Interesting at funerals how everyone is ‘ there’ for you the usual ‘if there is anything we can do let us know ‘ then you never hear another word.
At least we all understand each other and know how much extra unnecessary hurt this causes xx
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So true i have had friends say always here if you need me then after my husbands funeral heard nothing from them xx
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Hi,
Had all the usual things said to me at mums funeral like am here for you, will call with you, will phone you, go out for lunch etc and guess what I haven’t seen a soul. But i knew that all along so pointless worrying about people. I see it as a sign of strength actually that I haven’t called any of them. Its best to keep talking to teh lovely people on this site who truly understand.
Thinking of you all and sending love
Deborah x
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A few years ago we had agreed we’d each have a private funeral - neither of us wanted fair weather friends or Xmas card family there - didn’t visit before or since so why just attend when someone has gone???
G. X
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I was with my husband when they switched off his life support along with my children, he had suddenly developed sepsis and went into septic shock. The nurse was very caring and supportive, but as we left the intensive care unit we were just handed a booklet by the receptionist who was talking on the phone to someone else. We were in shock and disbelief that my darling man and their father had just died and yet no one sat with us afterwards or even spoke to us, we just left the hospital. If only someone had made us a cup of tea and shown some sympathy it would have made a difference. This is what relatives need, maybe this is a service that could be set up as I know the memory of that morning, saying goodbye to my husband and seeing the faces of my children will say with me forever. I am so sorry for your experiences too. xx
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@Grandma i only had limited people no maki g up numbers as I don’t like crowds but it still happened! Xxx
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Hi after my Husband passed away a doctor came in to his room grab hold of him and was really shaking him so hard and shouting his name i could not say in the room while she was doing that his brother said why are you doing that the nurse has already told as he has gone she could not even give him a answer to why she was doing it
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@Kwent When Mark died I knew I couldn’t stay too long because I was worried would I ever be able to leave him if I stayed too long, you just don’t know how your going to act. The staff at the hospital were so kind even the ambulance crew said how sorry they were as I was leaving (I know it must have been a quiet time and they didn’t have another call out but they could have gone for a coffee!) I will always be eternally grateful to the staff that morning with the kindness I was shown. I am so sad for those of you who weren’t shown the same compassion. Again thank goodness for this site. Take care everyone, all my love & thanks to you all for being here now for me, I for one would be lost without you. xxx
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Misprint I think even though you have been friends for so long I would have to detach myself from her now and tell her why .
You don’t need friends like that x they just make things a whole lot worse than they already are !!
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When Colin died they rang me to say are you coming in I said yes and as they had called me in so many times before I avoided the school rush and not being able to park at the hospital. He died whilst I was parking the car and frankly I cant bear to remember him how he was when I saw him. I did say to the nurse as he was a Vet if he had been a dog he would have put himself down weeks ago He was paralysed couldnt even blow his nose, milk left out all day with no help to drink it in the height of the heatwave. I had to clean his teeth and wash him when I went in, no dignity what so ever. I stayed with him for 5 minutes after he had died this was not how I wanted to remember the person I had loved and spent 42 years with. I just thank god I have private health insurance and do not to have rely on the NHS they were a disgrace and they knew it. There was an investigation now concluded but I can`t bring myself to see it maybe one day . Have to admit the 8 weeks he was in hospital were an eye opener if we had treated an animal like that we would have been struck off. Sorry for the rant but at the moment 8 months down the line for some reason I am finding it really hard maybe because it is my birthday and first time in all those years without him. A toxic family member to deal with as well . Tomorrow is another week and another new strat. Take care everyone
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I’m cringing whilst reading how many of you were treated so badly after the death of your loved ones. It’s absolutely appalling. I was lucky enough to work in a community hospital. A lot of people get the wrong impression of cCommunity Hospitals. They assume because it’s not a big one that it’s a cushy little job. It wasn’t. It was horrendously busy and we didn’t specialise in anything. We had to be knowledgeable on lots of different conditions and treatments. The one thing we were good at was looking after relatives as well as patients. Our bereaved were taken to a ‘relatives room’, given a drink and given the necessary paperwork. We were also there to answer any questions. I’m so dreadfully sorry that you were treated that way. Love to you all. Jean x.
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I must say all the posts I’m reading are horrendous. My husband was on a ventilator in ICU due to covid and the hospital were fantastic, I wasn’t able to visit but I could phone any time night or day for an update. 5 days before he passed, he contracted sepsis and I was called in to say goodbye. I was told at the time that it would be the only opportunity to visit him. However fast forward 5 days and I received a call from the hospital telling me to come in as his condition was unsurvivable. Nothing was too much trouble for them. It was difficult times due to covid restrictions so no cuppa was offered but staff were so kind.
It upsets me to think some of you lovely people have had terrible experiences.
Take care all xx❤️
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So sorry to hear that your family are that callous to you.your in good company here as I have just lost my gorgeous fantastic wife sue on the first of February this year. My family are very supportive to me .i really hope you can get some support from people here.sue ryder have given me more support on here than macmillan have ever done
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I find reading the reports of how many of you were treated so badly at hospitals when your loved ones were there so distressing, Richard never made it alive to the hospital and I didn’t see him until he was a with the funeral director. Maybe that was a good thing judging by your experiences.
When I was a physio working in a special school I was with several families when their children died. I saw it as an honour that they would have their physio with them at such a time, whether they were at home or in hospital. We grieved together and were there for each other as we knew the whole family so well.
I think the NHS is too stretched to be able to be caring now and having only highly qualified people doesn’t mean they have empathy. Bring back the old system of various grades of nursing staff so that some can be chosen for their caring nature above their ability to pass exams.
Sending love to all of you who have suffered at the hands of this new style NHS.
Karen xxx
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