@Alir thank you for your kind words. Much appreciated- we too couldn’t have children and I have severed arthritis. It seems to get worse every day but knowing there is some true understanding on here helps. Much love to you xxx
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Ahh, bless you.
My arthritis has been so bad lately and I know it is stress that starts it off. The thing is it is a vicious circle as we are grieving and our bodies respond by making our arthritis flare up.
I do hope you get comfort from others on here, I know I do.
Take care and sending lots of strength and hugs xxx
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@Alir i actually need a new hip bone against bone now but I won’t get it sorted without hubby here to help me.
Mine is osteoarthritis that started with a tumour behind my knee cap - had 2 operations and then walked funny - made my back bad. Consequently lost cartilage in one foot then the other - then spread to my hip. I used to go to the gym every day and we walked for miles etc. Now I can’t even get a pet because I couldn’t walk it and we lost our beloved cat a couple of years ago. Our village is so busy with traffic - I couldn’t have a cat. Toby never wandered and he also had a litter tray but I can’t bend to do that now. Life is a complete waste of time now xxx
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@Lonely
Dear Sheila
It makes me feel so much better when I see a post from you. You are very inspirational and I am sure have helped and comforted many people on this site over time.
I love reading your stories and hearing about your life and your lovely Peter, please don’t stop.
I admire the way you have chosen to live, how you did all of your decorating and how you go out , have a coffee and enjoy doing so.
I very much hope I get to where you are one day.
Thank you for being here.
Love to you xxxx
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@Charm
Oh dear, that sounds so very painful. I understand what you mean when you say that you won’t be able to get your hip done without your husband to support you. You would need someone to be with you for a week or so at first. Isn’t it dreadful to be in this situation, I would be the same as you. I do have two very supportive sisters who would do anything for me, so am very lucky, but would more or less be alone as they both work.My neighbours are very good and I do have a couple of good friends but it’s not the same.
I don’t have any pets as like you, some days I am not steady on my feet so feel at the moment a pet would not be right for me.
I do hope you are able to get your hip done at some point as I do know a couple of people who have had the op and it has given them a new lease of life. It is so very early days yet for you so maybe not the right time at the moment.
I do hope you manage to get some comfort and are not in too much pain.
xx
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@Alir the pain is quite honestly dreadful but I will have to put up with it. I had a steroid injection but it was useless this time because my hip was so much worse - it had no effect.
Not sure I will stay on this platform much longer as I think people like to hear more positive bits of progress but I have none to offer unfortunately and I don’t want to bring everyone down xxx
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@Charm You are having such an awful time. No one minds if you have a go, and there are quite a few that seem to have similar problems. Share them when you have to and they can share back. No one will judge and we’ll often nod our heads and say yep that’s me too. Someone here said it’s a game of snakes and ladders, though sometimes it feels like it’s only snakes and the ladders have been taken away. Keep posting, if we stopped because we felt we were moaning there would probably be no one here. Love and support xx
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@Charm
Oh no, please don’t leave here as I can honestly say being on here and talking and reading other peoples stories has really helped me and I am sure many others as well.
You are in the very early stages of grief and in shock. At the moment there are no positives in your life.
As you said in an earlier post your lovely husband was everything to you and you did everything together. The shock and pain of him suddenly not being around is unthinkable and unbearable plus you have the physical pain of your arthritis to contend with.
You are among friends here who care and are going through the same grief and pain. You are not bringing anyone down at all. Let yourself grieve and keep on posting about your feelings, no matter what.
Sending lots of love xxx
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Hi, please don’t feel like you ever bring people down , this is your life / existence now , and it’s all so very hard in fact impossible to find positives when you are so heartbroken , I have been without my husband for 18 months , my beautiful happy life ended . I still struggle everyday . I do work ,only because I have to ,I’m 60 years old but most days feel a lot older, I’m really just waiting for the day I can be with him again ,and then my happy life can start again , it does really scare me incase I become ill ,and he’s not here to support me . I also feel bad when I’m not coping and others seem to be able too. But we are all different in how we cope, some days I feel I should be telling myself to stop wallowing. Fortunately no one else has told me YET, I don’t know how I would react if they did , please xtake carex
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Don’t leave, everybody’s progress is different, I’m 2yrs into this nightmare and it still feels like yesterday. I don’t comment on this platform often but it helps me to read everyone else 's posts. Sending hugs 
xx
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Please do not leave you are not bringing me down xxx
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@Charm echoing what others are saying - please stay here with us. We all have low times even after much longer and if all posts were positive we would not be gaining any support would we? We’d be hiding what is truly happening and here is a place we don’t need to hide from the truth. I think the real situation is what matters and for others to know they are not alone in having bad times.
Sending love
Karen xxx
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Hello Charm
I can well understand that your life must seem like total rubbish at the moment as your loss is so raw and new to you. But in time you might find that life isn’t totally pointless. I am nearly four years on now and can well remember those first months and even years and can honestly say that whilst I don’t always feel like a bundle of joy I also don’t wish my life away or feel it’s all pointless.
No one expects you to be positive at such an early stage of your grief, none of us are. We are all suffering and time might not heal but it does teach us how to cope.
So don’t give up or expect too much of yourself.
Pxx
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Hi ther Sheila
What a pity we don’t live nearer to each other and then we could Jive. I also loved the jive which I learned when still at school but how useful it was when I went to local dances. I was never short of a partner and met my first husband because I could dance. I bet we could still give a twirl or two… I still play the old Rock and Roll numbers and dance around the house or garden.
Patxx
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Lonely I love your posts and totally equate with some of them. Colin and I were never apart as we built 2 businesses together. We enjoyed each others company but I did try and do things on my own but all I did was worry about him when I wasnt there and he would miss me dreadfully. I became his carer in the end something that sort of crept up but I didnt mind. I too have thrown myself into renovating a house which have moved into. What I hate are those worry moments with no one to reason with, someone stole £1200 worth of oil from my old house that I still own I worried that it was a leak I would have had him there saying dont be daft its not leaked. This what I really miss that one person who could reassure you, knew when you were being daft and set your mind at rest. I am really lucky with my family but they are not him. I still get really cross with him for leaving me but I am carving out a new life that I know he would have wanted for me. What I am really grateful for is I am young enough and fit enough to do things. The hip thing I broke mine a totally freak accident , Colin bless him couldnt really look after me they would not let you home until you could cope. We booked a bungalow for the disabled for a couple of weeks until I could go home. Have I gone on too long I also have directional dyslexia as well as being dyslexic you would not believe how many times I got us lost. Take care everyone
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@Charm. NOOOOOOOO don’t leave us. We all need you and you need us and we all rant and are very down at times and if you’re down ALL the time it doesn’t matter to us. That’s what we’re all here for. I’m away for a night with my sister at the moment. We usually go this time of year for a night away for walks and we like to find different nature reserves to visit. I was driving us back to our hotel this evening when it suddenly crashed into my head that David won’t be at home to greet me when I get back like he normally is. I had a meltdown in the car. It was like being kicked forcefully in the stomach and those episodes are so excruciatingly painful. Please don’t leave. Big cuddle to you. Jean x.
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Hello Charm, please don’t leave. We are all in the same boat and we all support each other. When we write something to support you, it gives us a boost too. - I don’t write much here on SR, but I feel better each time I do. - There will come a time when you start getting better and you will see things in a different light. - I am at that stage at the moment despite having a setback right now. - Have a look if there is a bereavement group near you. I have joined one and it helps a lot. - I also go for walks here in the local park and talk to the dog owners. I also play with the dogs and spoil them with some treats.
Take care. - Nick
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Hi Charm,
Please do not leave the group as your posts are really helping me personally. I for one have related to positive and negative posts on here because quite frankly that is the way I also feel. Sometimes I feel okish then the next WHAM it all hits me like a ton of bricks and i feel the most negative person in the world. Then quick as a flash someone on here picks up on it and somehow within i read just a sentence from someone that is encouraging I instantly feel a bit better. It just takes that small gesture from someone. You will find the same thing will happen to you also. So please stay on here.
You certainly do not bring anyone down so don’t think like that anymore.
Thinking of you
Deborah x
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Firstly why do my posts have odd writing! Charm do not leave I did as at first I felt this site made me feel down but now I think it brings me in touch with people the same as me. Today has been awful I cant get out of my head the time he spent in hospital and the trauma of it. I did say to the nurse as he was a Vet if he was a dog he would have put himself down weeks ago. Maybe because after someone stole my oil from from the house I am selling and going back today to see it all empty and all the memories there was a sort of a ooh moment. I am so lucky I own the house I have moved back to with all its happy memories. I can see him playing with the dog now both gone. I am worried that I have kept myself super busy since he died it is going to hit me hard shortly. I was talking to a friend and said I never had a chance to grieve my mum and dad as they and my husband died all within a short period of time. Organising 3 funerals in such a short space of time I became an expert! So Charm do not leave this isnt going to go away for us there will be days like today for me it is awful then moments that we cope and life seems sort of normal with someone missing. We cant bring back the past but at some point the past becomes a comfort how much we would love to go back. Take care everyone
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