Hi Nick,
No I haven’t looked into joining one. I don’t think I am strong enough yet as would be constantly crying there. I am not good at sharing my feelings face to face with strangers either. I have always been the strong one in my family so tend to hide my true feelings. I know I need help but being on this site has been the best thing ever for me .
Hope you are getting on okish
Deborah x
3 Likes
@bussteve1 - thank you for your kind thoughts and words xxx
KarenF set a zoom meeting on fridays 8pm I joined it ,rather than just type words it’s another option to be able to talk face to face and get to know each other and try and deal with our loss ,been on it once will go on it again I met nice people who are going through a loss as we are makes a big difference
steve
5 Likes
I think we have to accept how people are after all we have all been through crap in losing are loved ones . When ever it happens to our friends we can be kind to them. It does sort out your genuine friends and not so friends though.
Hi seychelles, I understand. I was 8 months down the line When I joined the group. - I had a bad day at the bereavement group last month and it was the first time I cried there, but someone helped me. I never liked to show my feelings when I was in my teens and later. But I do not care so much now. I also find find it easier to control my emotions now.
I always thought that my brother was the strong one, but my mother thought I was. (I had totally forgotten that.) Looking back mow, I thinks she was right.
I had a low on Sunday morning but it got better in the afternoon. Today is not so bad, okish is the right word. - I found that walking works. I am more relaxed afterwards.
I just noticed that you are still at the early stage now. I had my lowest point after the first three month, not counting Christmas and New Year’s Eve. - My biggest improvement came three weeks after the first year.
Do you have someone you can talk to? - I have been talking to an old friend via Jitsi for many month’s now. It helped a lot. I actually do not know what I would have done without him.
If you have a friend who also has a computer with a camera and microphone, I could help set it up for you. It is easy and you could talk with your friend (s) for many hours every day. - You only would have to change some words in the link and I would show you how. (Jitsi is free to use and you do not even have to register.)
Sorry, this message got a bit long. - Take care of yourself and thanks for the reply. - Nick
2 Likes
your response did make me smile
2 Likes
Lack of contact or offers of help had me thinking there was something wrong with me after hubby passed. Must be something wrong with my phone line & door bell?? But gradually, I realised they are people not worth bothering about. I’ve managed without them but its been hurtful.
So sorry, me being kind in return won’t be happening.
G. X
5 Likes
@everyone isn’t it interesting how we are all going through the same things with ‘friends’. Some stay with you but it is much more sporadic and never do they say do you want dinner with us tonight. I would probably say no but it would be nice to be asked . They don’t realise how many hours there are to kill. At the beginning everyone says we are there for you - anything you need or any help. It soon tails off and you find it is just you , able to cope or not and no one evens enquires. It’s seems to them that your needs magically disappear or someone else is probably helping. I then find myself wishing that they will know what it is like to have their whole life unravel with no way of getting it back. I don’t want a new or different life - I want the old one back xxx
6 Likes
When I lost my beloved husband suddenly, it was the first day of yet another Covid lock- down (November 2020). Everyone shut in their houses, no visiting, the loneliness was unbearable, although I wasn’t keen on seeing anyone, anyway. I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me, I wanted to leave this world with my husband, I felt like he’d gone away and left me behind, because we did everything together, went everywhere together. “Wait for me!” I wanted to shout. I was a complete wreck. That lock-down lasted about three months and I now realise it provided a scapegoat for all those people promising to visit when the pandemic “eases off”, or promising to " be there if you need anything" and the usual nonsense stuff you have all heard as well.
5 Likes
@Lonely
But by then you’ll be dancing again with Peter for as long as you like. 
4 Likes
Hi Nick,
Yes I have 2 good friends who I can talk to and are there for me many times each day so I am ok. My husband is wonderful also and when my son is home when he is not working away he is great too. I have also found many friends on here so for now I am okish. Yes my mum passed on Dec 30th after a 5 week battle. Half the time she was in hosp then came home with palliative care in place. Because of her age they could not operate so was just left in a room being made comfortable as they continually said. In the end after approx 2 weeks I demanded to take her home and that is what happened. We had mum for another 3 weeks and had wonderful quality time with her and I thankfully had to me to say everything I wanted to say to her many times over.
It is still very raw and it has been a blur since last Dec. So much still to do with probate and selling mums house etc.
Am taking it all slowly and one day at a time as they say.
Deborah x
3 Likes
Hi G, I felt exactly the same as you. WHY. What had I done so terrible to make my husbands family and some of my own forget I existed. We had never had a cross word. I wasn’t asking for constant visits and didn’t intend to be needy just the odd communication would have been enough. No replies to my letters or telephone calls. Now I don’t give a toss about any of them. I am still here and I have survived and I won’t be making any of them welcome even if they did re-appear. The only thing I would like to do is tell them exactly what I think of them.
Pat
5 Likes
Hi Sheila
I am so like you. I also never forget. Cross me and I find it hard to forgive. My husband always said I had a memory like an Elephant.
Pat
xx
2 Likes
I had the same as you in the end it was all about money when they knew there was nothing coming their way end of contact. I did have my say before I blocked them all on everything and they dont know my new address. It feels so good to get rid of toxic people you dont need in your life
4 Likes
I coudn’t agree more. I had terrible feelings of guilt and failure when I couldn’t make contact but eventually I accepted it and did write to let them know I would be making no further contact with them. I did add that I had cared for and looked after my husband with not a single second of help from them both before and after his death. I then kicked them off my Will and feel pleased to be rid of them and just hope my husband will understand.
3 Likes
That is just what I did and I am sure he would understand as would mine he would have been there telling me to do this. We might be grieving but we are not daft and soon learn the people we can trust
2 Likes
@Pattidot - too damned right! Xxx
2 Likes
I never forget a single slight either but used to deal with it much better after talking to my husband, now I am bloody annoyed and hold a grudge. Xxx
6 Likes
Hi Charm
My husband was the kindest man and stopped me from kicking off on many occasions, now I have to believe he’s still there keeping me under control but fortunately I have nice people around me now.
Pxx
2 Likes
Hi Heather
I think in the early days we must seem so confused and an easy target for their unkindness and even greed. But since coming onto this forum I have realised that it is a common thing for family and friends to be unkind and some of their experiences have really shocked me. Being ignored by family seems nothing compared with some of the stories I have seen.
Pat
2 Likes