Thank you so much @Sulane and @Jean8 our experiences in our loss are very different but the impact on us all is the same xxx
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Itās Davidās birthday tomorrow, 3rd April. I keep thinking of this time last year. The children bought him the Fawlty Towers Experience in London. We stayed overnight in the hotel where it was performed. It was absolutely brilliant. We love that programme. I can remember every detail about that weekend and it seems like only yesterday. Itās so painful and Iāve cried lots today and this evening. We should be planning another birthday celebration for him. It was too soon for him to go.
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I havent sorted out my script so if it is odd please forgive me. I am finding it harder and harder not to think about the horrendous time he spent in hospital the nearer it gets. I dont want to remember my lovely husband that way which is one of the reasons I couldnt stay in our home. I had to move out to our first home so all I can see is all our happy memories here. I am now having nightmares about it when at the time I was on autopilot. Have to admit of all the anniversaries this is the hardest. I have an amazing supportive family on my side his are a different matter but I cant tell them this as they think I am doing so well. It is only with people who know what this is like I can explain I get so cross with myself as I have always been so strong but even now I do try
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Oh @Heather56 I am so sorry you have started to have reoccurring nightmares as you come up to the anniversary of the loss of your husband. Losing our loved ones in any context is so traumatic and I know that post traumatic stress is often associated with the symptoms of grief. For the few weeks after my husband died I did not have any thoughts about the day he died, I only had memories from the past which was a comfort. but like you, more recently I have had more disturbing images and flashbacks of my husband on life support and it was suggested to me that I may have PTSD. You have been so brave to move home to feel surrounded by happier memories. I hope in time these nightmares will pass after your difficult anniversary date. Take good care xxx
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I think PTSD is quite probable for many of you who witnessed terrible things as you lost your loved one and my heart goes out to you. I was spared that as my Richard was not at home and never made it to hospital to get as far as life support. He just passed out in a friendās car and it was was the friend (a Dr) who attempted resuscitation.
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I probably have PTSD too, after two years and four months, I constantly have flashbacks of my husband unconscious (I didnāt realise he was already gone) , my daughter trying cpr, crying out āDad, Dad!ā, my son was in such a state of shock that he was asking his dad if he was playing one of his jokes on him, me running around like a freak, shouting down the phone with the emergency service, then rushing outside backwards and forwards to look out for the ambulance. I just wish my kids hadnāt witnessed all this, we only talked about this for a few days afterwards but never again, itās just too painful to even mention.
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Thank you for that I never thought this may be the case just a feeling of dread about the memories. I am hoping they will come and then just pass as have all the other things,
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Most people donāt deliberately say things to hurt usā¦ they just donāt have empathy nor can they relate to everyoneās circumstances.
My husband is sill existing in an advanced state of Alzheimerās and his life traumatises me every time I visit. He was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimerās around the age of 60 he is now 71 and in residential care.
A friends husband died recently, he was 84 and had cancer. When I commiserated with her and told her about my husband , she replied at least he was still alive. I would prefer to see my husband free from his existence and at peace. She didnāt mean harm, most people donāt but when weāre vulnerable, situations can make us more sensitive.
Eventually we all go through death and itās good when we can accept people or not. As long as we donāt become bitter.
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I believe my partners best friends has PTSD, he was with him when he died as was the one to give CPR until the paramedics arrived and he has found the whole experience very traumatic. Me on the other hand, I have flashbacks to the police turning up at my door and telling me he had died. It was the worse moment . The most traumatic moment for me.
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Bless you Sheila, such lovely bitter sweet memories. Like the budding lilac a symbol of how life carries on whilst our loss still remains in our heart. With love xxx
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The lilac tree is a symbol of love and romance, so despite its annual āhaircutā it continues to bloom for you both Sheila.
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@Lonely
Oh Sheila, Iām really sorry you had a bad time, even after so many years of making a good life for yourself. It shows it is a loss which never leaves us.
We were the same about not seriously thinking about life without each other. Even though we had a jokey argument about who was going to go first as we didnāt want to be here without the other; neither of us thought about the reality of it.
You are such a great support to so many of us on here and we appreciate your input as well as your wonderful stories so I hope you know weāre here for you too - albeit eventually in my case as I hardly had time to get on for the last couple of days.
Much love to you
Karen xxx
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@Lonely
Here here. 
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@Lonely. Oh no! Iām so very sorry, Sheila. I feel dreadful
Your stories and empathy are such a support to me and for those recently bereaved Sheila and I hope in some we can continue to offer some support to you. You provide such inspiration and hope in how you have managed to live your life without your darling Peter, as difficult and challenging as it is. And I take strength from that in my early days. With love xx
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Sandi , my husband was on ventilator with covid, when a second infection set in triggering sepsis, 5 days later he died. This was the 2nd time heād contracted sepsis, unfortunately this time he couldnāt fight it. Sepsis is such an insisidious infection.
Sending hugs 
xx
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I am so sorry @Shazz9 we have both tragically experienced the devastating affects of sepsis and how it occurs unpredictably and can progress rapidly following an infection, I naively had no knowledge of its seriousness and that any infection can rapidly progress to sepsis. My husband was already on antibiotics for a chest infection, he was still working before he took ill 8 hrs later. I am so sorry for your loss too. With love xx
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@lonely. I got admin to delete it xx.
My husband had Sepsis and I even asked them if he did have ,they were too concerned with him having lung cancer which he didnt have, that Sepsis killed him as they didnt treat it. It ate away at his spine that he became paralysed. My amazing brilliant surgeon husband couldnt even hold a mug in the end. I would go in and 2 lots of sour milk would be there for him to drink ,he was there during the hottest weeks last summer and he was paralysed. My sister in law had to go into hospital last week because of a virus she insisted they made sure it wasnt Sepsis . We should all question them now save any other family suffering what we did as they do miss it. Sorry for the rant I am finding the nearer it is getting to when the whole sorry episode started the more stressed I am getting. The hospital let us down dreadfully I still cant bring myself to read the results of the enquiry it wont bring him back but one day I might.
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I am so sorry you suffered the consequences too @Heather56, it sounds as if they misdiagnosed your husband or didnāt check for sepsis which is heartbreaking. The paramedics diagnosed my darling man straight away and it was only a few hours away from him working and having dinner with me. It took hold so quickly by the time he reached hospital he went straight on life support. The hospital told me that once sepsis takes hold it really is difficult to treat and the chances of survival are slim. I am so sorry for the circumstances in which your husband died. It shouldnāt have happened. Sending hugs xxx
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