Aww we certainly need each other
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Milliemmollie
The problem is no one understands how we feel unless they have had a loss such as this !
Take care and am sure your dog is a comfort for you
X
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Sorry that your friend said something so hurtful and insensitive.
I know this pain when my mum and sister told me a year after I chose a termination (after a rape) that I should get over it. Yes I chose to do it but what no one understood was I terminated half of me and I was grieving still for that loss.
Two weeks ago my partner of 19 years said to me ā at least I have a mumā when I lost my mum 22/10/22 and all I did was call him a mummyās boy.
Itās hurt me so much Iāve broken up with him and I canāt forgive him.
Sometimes things happen for a reason and maybe by them ( your friend and my partner) saying what they said itās means itās the end of the relationship.
Grief is hard enough without others making you feel guilty youāre still sad for your loss. No one understands unless they have gone through it.
I hope your friend looks at what she said and sees she was out of order and you donāt lose your friendship but you can have negative people either in your life.
We all would love to carry on, stop the tears, having the heavy heart but it will be with us forever and one day we may wake up and feel we can carry on and then it will be on our terms xx
Sending hugs x
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Thats horrible thing to sayā¦im still grieving, i lost my fiance on 28th December 2022 and funeral is 18th February 2023ā¦i wouldnāt want to be with friends like thatā¦dont need people like that round youā¦1š
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Ohh my goodness this makes me sad,angry,frustrated!!
Iām so but how very dare she and a friend! No one absolutely no- one knows how this intense mixture of emotions feels unless they have lost someone who is your whole world.
Iām so sorry hun I certainly think that if this friend does not understand for no matter how long it takes then Iām afraid she is not a friend as she truly does not know you.
2 weeks after my husband died my so called friend said "So what are you going to do now as your still young ? " I said are you kidding how can you talk like this ! And yes like yours she just smiled and weāll never say neverš
We who have loved and lost only we know how we feel and if thatās a whole bloody week in your PJās crying then so be it!
Every day is different none of us know until our day starts 
So we who grieve letās just be kind to ourselves and not worry if others think we are ā¦your friends word wallowing 
mmm nope I think not.
Sorry sweetheart this made me rant ! I send hugs, strength and support from a lady who only lost her love November 5th 2022 so yes still very raw.xxxx
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Exactly as you say @Suzanne3
Every day is different, even every part of the day in my experience.
Almost ten months after losing Richard and one Thursday recently I went from crying in the morning to laughing at something one daughter misheard whilst playing table tennis with them in the evening.
I still need to get over the guilty feeling when I do have a laugh but thatās another work in progress.
I have no intention of finding another partner so if this had been my friend I would certainly have made that clear.
Sending love to all dealing with this dreadful loss. xxx
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Feeling guilty when having fun is massive for me. I know people say thatās what your wife would want you to do and enjoy your self but itās just not that easy. I was feeling better the other day then started being uneasy about that . I am back now to missing my wife so much. I love this forum and itās a great help. Try and have a good day everyone
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@Kwent yes having fun is a really tricky one, i say i am looking for crumbs of joy. a bit like when the sun shines through the clouds briefly on a dark dank and cloudy day. i have gone back to work to try and distract myself, only this morning to find looking at some work i did just before my wife passed made my mood crash! So much for a distraction had to do something else to distract me instead. To all on this site keep taking the small steps and lots of hugs.
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Life now is a āwork in progressā for us all.
Iām learning itās about taking steps out of my comfort zone.
You canāt continue the not watching TV or listening to certain music.
Early on I couldnāt have the TV or radio on, now two years in, I find the silence deafening. Both can be on at the same time.
Initially I felt guilty singing (badly 
) while listening to the radio but now I can and if itās a tune hubby liked then I give it extra ālaldyā , so he hears me!
Of course I have my moments but I embrace them as itās my connection to him - but unfortunately being " down" isnāt doing myself any favours.
In no way am I being dismissive of anyoneās feelings here.
Take care,
G. X
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Only someone like us, who have gone through the awful experience, of losing a very much loved partner, will totally understand, what its like. Very insensitive comment to make to you.
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Iām sorry I would not be friends with whoever said this. My reply would be. Iām struggling with life and there is no timescale to it so goodbye.
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Thatās so insensitive and Iām afraid ifANYONE ever said anything like that to me they would no longer be in my life ! Sorry there is NO excuse for being so cruel .
Sending caring thoughts
Grief is very personal and we live with losing and loving that person as long as we live 
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Omg misprint what truly horrible person. Nobody needs a friend like that. My understanding was that a true friend would stand by you through anything so I completely understand why you are done with her.
Just keep talking to people on this site because we all truly know what your going through. I lost my husband 22 months ago and it still feels like yesterday and Iām nowhere near ready to move on and to be honest I donāt think I ever will be.
Just stay strong and carry on talking about your wonderful husband
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I was talking to a neighbour yesterday who was widowed some years ago, I didnāt know that until yesterday. She said she didnāt socialise for at least three years after losing her husband. She went to work and that was good she said but just did not attend any social activities.
As I said, no idea how long ago that was as Iāve only known her in her second relationship and marriage but it shows that there is no ānormalā amount of time we canāt face some aspects of life and 16 months is certainly not long or āwallowing.ā
Hugs to all xxx
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So sorry that this so called āfriendā has upset you. Until you lose a close loved one you just dont realise the pain. Just do what you want to do and have to do and avoid people who are completely selfish and tactless. No point being upset by people who have no understanding. Keep being positive.
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After Allan died November 2021 one sister said that who knows what this year will bring, I just had to say to her that I am devastated the other sister started saying well how about so and so? Like suggestions for replacements I just could not understand that they could respond like this. Anyway this Christmas after a year, I am struggling but coping day to day, I miss him all the time and my life is totally changed but new hope today! I e discovered Iām going to be a granma , my life is now about my son and his family and my home and I am happy with that. Anyway just before Christmas one of the sisters had encouraged an old boyfriend of mine from years ago (āyou should always have been with . . ā) without talking with me, and he came over from america it seems to see me, anyway Iāve been friends with him for 40 years I was a teenager when I had a relationship with him, I asked him over for a meal, he was all over me, kiss o lips before I could stop him, getting really close, wine flowers and chocolate cake trying to stay, I started to feel so angry it felt like an assault, I couldnāt bear him even staying on the sofa in my place where I had so much time with Allan and have all his things around I just said NO and walked with him to the tube. I donāt know why this affected me so badly, it is like you are seen as being available but I am not itās like completely discounting your feelings, I really cannot imagine now having or wanting another relationship my relationship with Allan was so special, such an amazing man in every way, somehow he changed my life, we had three years together I donāt know if anyone can understand itās like you are a commodity which has been put back on a shelf and is now available without anyone actually understanding what is going on inside and the pain you are dealing with sorry long post but this reminded me, it is people not seeing or hearing or understanding, thinking they know whatās best. Itās a horrible thing to deal with these thoughtless people and Iām finding the best thing is to keep a distance there are many people who are kind and thoughtful and who LISTEN it makes all the difference if you feel your feelings are respected by others, just stay with those people
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@Caroline2 Your experience sounds awful. It looks like your sister has misled this man into thinking you are āavailableā whatever that means and encouraged him to make a long journey. His behaviour sounds insensitive and clumsy. Both have misread where you are and like you say regard you as some sort of commodity rather than a grieving human being.
Congratulations on your good news. I have recently become a grandad for the third time. My son, his wife and the baby have moved in with me. A new baby is new hope, though Iām sad my wife is not here to see him. It does put purpose back into your life.
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Thank you Mike, congratulations and Iām really happy about my granma news which I got today, feeling much more positive, think this situation was one of those blips we probably all have them, insensitive people
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@Caroline2
That sound such a horrible event to go through and so much lack of understanding from people who you would have thought knew you better.
I am certainly not looking for anyone else and so know exactly what you mean.
Sending love and support.
Karen xxx
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Thank you Karen 
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