Transported to a New Planet

It’s six months since my darling sweetest Sharon departed, and there are still (maybe never can be) the words to explain what this feels like - only others here who have lost a partner can understand.
I now think in that instant, when Sharon became gone, that I was mysteriously transported to another planet, which has no name I yet know: it is inhabited by other people who I don’t know, but who have also lost their partner - so who I feel I understand and who understand me - but none of us know what this planet is called; and no one else on the previous planet can understand us any more.
(I know it’s analogy - I’m not yet going mad), maybe it is called: Planet Loss? Planet Shit? Planet Alone? Planet WhyWhyWhy?
Sorry, possibly weird post, but I’m sitting here alone drinking coffee on a Sunday morning, as Sharon and I loved to do, but she’s not here.

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Hi , I feel the same 14 months on this different planet. I also feel like I am an alien don’t know who I am now, the best part of me died with my husband .I don’t know or like this stranger I have become .xtake carex

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@Broken2222 yes, that’s exactly it. I can’t get my head around that this is permanent, don’t understand any of this - but it is now a totally different Planet - the previous world is gone. But I know others are also here, equally broken, souls torn, so knowing its not just me here does help… And the same for all of us?

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That’s a great analogy @DennisS. It really made me think. It could be interesting to see what others might name our planet. Planet sadness. Planet heartache. Planet WTF! Apologies for my language. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

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I’m smiling at “planet wtf”. :rofl:
Thinking cap on!

G. X

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I’m only 3 weeks on this new alien planet and love your analogy, it really struck a chord with me. Thank you. I’m also sat here alone (apart from my 2 dogs who are somewhat of a comfort but can’t understand where their Dad’s gone). The funeral was Thursday, Friday I was inundated with visitors. Saturday and today - nothing. I don’t know where I go from here. I just feel lost. My husband Dave was my life and he went from being fit and healthy at 60 to gone with sepsis in 3 weeks. At the moment I can’t see a way forward but I suppose it’s early days. Planet WTF made me smile and sums it up for me.

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Morning Dennis,
Yes, you’ve summed up how we all feel on another planet. Mine is planet blue as it doesn’t seem to make any difference how hard I try to come to terms with my loss I still remain blue and it’s exhausting…especially at a weekend…
It’s good that you’ve opened up the planet thing as I’m sure there will be lots of other folk on here who have their one.
Wish there was a planet to heal us all…
Love to all,
Jennyx

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Dear DennisS,

I totally agree with you, I no longer recognise the world that I knew when my Peter was here. I am not equipped to be without my husband. Since the early 1960’s when we met, it was always the two of us, we were never apart, even when we were ‘courting’, old fashioned word now, we saw each other as much as we could even though we lived in different towns, catching buses all the time. I close my eyes and can see him jumping off the bus and taking me in his arms, or me getting off the bus and him running to meet me taking me in his arms. He is wearing his dark suit, tie and white shirt and his Chelsea boots. He is a tall handsome 18-year-old who in the 47 years we were married, together 50, never once let me down, always loved me and cherished me as I did him. I find nothing in this world that makes me happy, it has become an existence, and since Covid started, everything seems to have got worse and gone to hell in a hand basket.

I remember the first Christmas after Peter died, it was a few weeks before all the Christmas cards started arriving, all wishing me a fantastic Christmas. They all went in the bin and that is when I realised no-one gives a thought to the person they are sending cards to otherwise why would they wish them a fantastic Christmas when they have just lost their lifelong partner.

I have not sent a Christmas card since my husband died. I donate the money to a charity I have not put up a Christmas tree either. Our home used to look like a Christmas grotto, decorations and lights everywhere now there is no point.

Lives change so much when we lose our soulmates.

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‘I am not equipped to be without my husband.’

That’s a brilliant sentence Sheila, just about sums it up for many of us.

What beautiful memories you share. :heart:

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Dear Kate,

I think that goes for all of us who have lost our soulmates. No matter how many years we have been in a loving relationship with our partners, be it long or short, we find it hard to plan a different life for ourselves because we always made plans together. We could finish off each other’s sentences, we knew what each other was thinking, we were one person. Now we are alone and even after eight years without my Peter, I still look at his chair and expect him to be there. When I go to bed in the evening, I always expect him to be a few steps behind me.

Winter is the worst for me as it brings dark mornings and evenings, it also brings Christmas and a New Year without Peter but once I see the spring bulbs we planted together many years ago start to show in the garden, I feel a sense of peace because those bulbs, like our love will continue to grow forever.

Love
Sheila.x

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Hi crazy Kate . That did make me laugh WTF planet . They are my three favourite words . I seem to say them all the time now . LONELY. that is beautiful what you said about the bulbs . Yes our love for our partners continue to grow forever . And one day hopefully we will be reunited with them . Xtake care x

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@Crazy_Kate
Well I think your idea of a name for this weird planet where everything is gone, but somehow here but not here, of WTF Planet sums it up. Nothing makes sense once you lose your soul mate, and even though my darling was terminally ill for so long it was a massive shock when she went - and the permanence of her never being here again smashed me into shock and denial. Although consciously I know she’s gone, I can’t subconsciously accept it. That’s why - as we all know - everything is changed, and this Planet just isn’t real…

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@GiilR I hope you get as much understanding from this site as I have done, and am still doing; whilst NOTHING will help - listening to other people’s ways of coping, learning from those, empathising with others etc I hope may give you a little strength.

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@Kingfisher / Jenny I think most is us agree that weekends are the worst. Sundays especially when my darling girl and I would drink coffee while reading the papers and listening to classic FM, go for a walk, in winter light the fire and watch an old film - that’s all gone. On this Planet, nothing matters, no point to anything, no joy… WTF happened?

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I was trying to explain the “planet” thread to our daughter. Here but not here.

Mum - it’s more like “FFS”. :heart:

G. X

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@Lonely Lovely post, very descriptive very real, and reminds me of the first time I set eyes on my darling Sharon: it’s emblazoned on my mind - what she was wearing - what I was wearing - where she was (at the top of a stairway to a balcony in a disco), she lit the whole room up but no one else seemed to notice…
As for Christmas, thanks for your comments and it confirms to me that this year (and maybe every year) I’ll skip Christmas: I was expecting Sharon home from the hospital last Christmas Eve - but instead she called me to say that the doctors had just told her (while alone): “you have just 3-4 days to live, so we are stopping all treatment”, so Christmas Day morning we went to a hospice in an ambulance. So how could anyone send me a card saying “Merry Christmas” etc? How could I?

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@Broken2222 Yes, my love doesn’t reduce for my darling. I kiss her picture every morning and bedtime, talk to her, she’s in my head and I hear her talking to me, and simply don’t / can’t accept she’s gone - a counsellor told me it’s what is called Continuing Bonds, and knowing that has helped my understanding.

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@Grandma I think that sums it up. Nothing is real, everything is changed - but on the old planet other people just keep going…?

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@Grandma I don’t think they will ever get it - not their fault they can’t understand, because they still live on the other planet, not ours.

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Thanks DennisS. It’s all new to me at the moment but reading other people’s feeling does help.

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