There are no words - but we all understand.
G. X
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Dearest lovely Crazy Kate, all I can say is why oh why is there no consideration at all for others, on this planet. Could you ever think that our darling husbands are in the better place now?
As Pooh says “I wonder how many wishes a star can give.” I just hope I haven’t used up my quota yet!!! 
xxx
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Thank you @Broken2222. My darling Tom left just 6 months ago, but I kiss one or other picture every time I pass, and update him. We had just launched our boat, spent the first night in her and had a fabulous relaxed day. I hadn’t seen him or our handicapped adult son so happy and relaxed in a long time. Whilst I got rid of rubbish from the boat he told the chap on the next berth about our plans for sailing adventures…then at 1.15am I woke to find him struggling (unconscious), realising it had to be a heart attack. When the enterprising ambulance man reached me (after climbing over a security gate and legging it for probably six or seven minutes) it was already 29 minutes into a call and CPR. You know this is too long, and that you are tired too, but when they leave you it doesn’t register. I was asked if I wanted to kiss him as the top of his head was near me whilst they manoeuvred him off the boat. I found that strange, too. I will never say goodbye; he has to be near me, or I am lost…and I have his son to care for and focus on. He has several invisible handicaps, amongst them deafness, autism and a learning disability, so he keeps me busy during the day, it’s bath/bedtime that gets me. I don’t sleep well, and on the sofa where he used to sit or lie. I tried bed, but it’s not right without him there. My planet is forlorn. And yes, I expect him here quite often, making me a cup of tea because he got in first, dancing to music that got him going, all those tender moments we all know so well. His response when I said it was good he was home. And that moment on our last weekend when he told me I was beautiful and his queen
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Hi ,so sorry for your loss . You have such a lot to deal with. Not only the loss and heartbreak from losing your partner. But looking after his son . It must be so hard for you. I’m sure your partner is giving you the strength and love to help you through each day . I hope you find some help on this site . We are all here for each other with a kind word or helpful advice or just the knowing that we really understand how devastating it is to loss our one true love . That was and always will be a big part of us . Thinking of you xtake carex
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It’s 14 months I’ve been here now. All I can see is darkness don’t know how I got here or if I will ever leave here. I sit alone everyday and drink coffee. I watch TV programmes we watched together. I don’t laugh or cry anymore.
Our 47 wedding anniversary came and went yesterday. A candle lit and a prayer offered. Miss him so much
So I know how you feel but I’m sorry I can’t help as I feel the same
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Hello @Ruby2021
I know it is hard, but I need to know who you talk to. There is counselling available, and if you can’t bear the thought of seeing a counsellor face to face they will talk on the phone or video call. Do you have friends/family that keep in touch or visit? We will all reach out here, if that is the only place you feel safe to speak about how you feel…but is there someone who knows you that can be there for you? My heart goes out to you x
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Lovely Pooh. We can always rely on Pooh to come up with fitting words. xx
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Since being transported to “Planet FFS”
I’ve noticed the mobile phone signals aren’t so good now.
Checking my messages - or rather the lack of them - if I suggest a coffee & chat then we meet up , promises to do it again soon doesn’t happen. Wondering do I really anything in common now with these “friends”?
Strange times!
G. X
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Hello. My first time on here and I know what another planet feels like. Only 3 weeks for me, I feel so lost without my husband who took his own life during a mental health crisis. I am a mess. Feel like I’m on a runaway train that I’ll never be able to get off.
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I feel the same without my husband Michael 40 years together lost him at aged 53 in April this year I don’t think am ready for Christmas without him he was the life and soul of Christmas it’s getting more difficult as it gets nearer I just miss him so much his smile his laugh his hugs just everything I so long for the day I am with him
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Dear Dennis and All who have lost their life partner, I can only guess at your loss as I still have my husband after a frightening stroke about a year ago. The possible loss really brought home how great a loss it would be for me to lose him, so my sincerest sympathy for you in this new and unwelcome planet where you find yourself especially with Christmas coming. Being older, I have seen other friends and family members experience this loss and although each loss is unique, there is a commonality. They all feel unsure of where they fit in life anymore. Having family around can be a source of comfort, but not everyone has that and some prefer not to “be a burden”. What I have also seen is that where people in this position get together for mutual support, the transition into a new type of life is made easier, so if you can find a group locally for others like yourself to do things together and to keep occupied, that may bring some comfort. If you can’t find a group, you could possibly start one? There could be a core cause eg learning how to cook for one, providing handyperson assistance for a fellow griever who needs it, finding a platonic pals to go to the theatre with. I know that should I go, or my husband ahead of me, what we both want for each other is for life to go on for the one left and for it to be as rich a life as possible, with good friends, who, although they can never take the place of the lost love, can provide empathy, comfort and companionship, I am not immune to grief myself. I am currently expecting my youngest son to die every day, His particularly nasty cancer was missed due to Covid and he has been fighting for two years. Last weekend he married his fiance whom he had planned to marry in a Covid year. They live hundreds of miles away in Inverness, so we couldn’t even spend those precious days left together. I know that he has already made it clear to our lovely new daughter-in-law that he wants her to not grieve forever, but to live a life as full as possible on his behalf. Isn’t that all that our loved ones would wish for us and out of love for them, hard though it may be to begin with, seek to live our lives, not only for ourselves but in grateful memory of them and the time we had together? God bless all who grieve. May you find comfort and support in your grief and eventually acceptance of the loss and the strength to go on into as full and rich a life as possible. 
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This sums up my feelings completely ,it is almost 3 years since i lost my beloved David,and each day becomes harder,i feel grief,i feel numb,i feel disassociated from people and everything around me,i just dont fit in anymore. Without my 2 wee dogs i doubt i would be here.
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Sadly i now realise how the word friend is so overused, most are but mere acquaintances.
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Totally feel like this. My world has been ripped apart and I am lost in another world as you say.
Everything has changed from what I eat, who I speak to, where I go, what I watch, what I wear and how I feel everyday.
I wake up with a feeling of dread and sadness alone in a house where the silence is deafening. I make myself do each task and I am then exhausted.
I am in horror everyday for what happened to my husband and in disbelief that he has gone through all of that and I can’t see him anymore.
Living a horror story and the unbearable every day in a world where people are fine and playing romantic movies in their heads not a horror story.
Unbearable and yet we have no choice but to bear it.
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Disassociated that’s a good description.
G. X
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DenisS this is NOT a weird post. You have summed up perfectly what lots of us feel, it certainly resonates with me. It’s 16months since my wonderful Derek died (I can hardly believe that). I’m finding this second year harder to bear, I don’t know why. I’m so lonely without him. I can’t offer you much comfort, just wanted you to know you are not alone but are part of the club none of us wanted to join. I and others are thinking of you with love and very many good wishes xx
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You are so right!! It is 3 months on Monday since I lost my soulmate of 34 years and I have completely lost who I am . The void inside me makes me feel like a shadow and I am invisible. The worlsd I knew is no more - I live in the same place but everything is different. I don’t know how to behave in the place that has his precious memory everywhere. How do we go forward as half a person in familiar yet unfamilar territory?
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@solost I know it is weird isn’t it? Everything looks the same, sounds the same but everything has changed, but no one seems to notice, they all carry on…
I’ve just been sitting here drinking coffee and listening to classic music on the radio as Sharon and I did every Sunday.
Then they played adagio for Spartacus, and I sobbed my heart out: - whenever this came on Sharon would say “it’s the Onedin Line music”, I’d say “Spartacus”, she’d smile and say “no, Onedin Line”, I’d say “Spartacus” and we’d play a stupid game of no one wanting not to be last. I miss her so much, I just can’t believe this.
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@Crazy_Kate Totally agree. @Shaz69 totally nailed it with that line. I was so lucky to meet my Sharon when we did, took me tears to realise how truly lucky we were as I realised no other couple we know were as close, but " The hardest thing in life, ever, is finding someone you can’t live without, and then living without them" nails it.
Understand re invites including psrtners: the yoga class I go to (the one I collapsed and lost it in) is doing a Christmas meal - but I’m going. It will be really tough - but I believe in never turning down an invitation and every day at home on my own as Christmas comes will be torture. Not much better being out, but I need to distract myself from getting stuck in my own head.
Maybe you coukd take a platonic friend to your work do? Or woukd that be worse?
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Oh Dennis, that “stupid game” you describe is one we would play too…Ian would even get up and go out so that he could have the last word sometimes…those silly little games and routines we had are gone now. So much love there…we’ll forever miss them and think of our lives with them won’t we??!
I think of my life when Ian was here as being safe and warm and complete…He has been gone 2 years in February, but sometimes it still feels like yesterday. I still feel like it’s not real, I’m doing things which feel alien now when I do them alone.
Love and hugs to all my fellow travellers on this new planet
Janey xx
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