Peaches that is the nature of this grief, its one or even a few steps forward and then wham your back there at square one, as Iv’e said before it will be 2 yrs on May 1st for me and Im still having days like that, I get up some days and think what is the point of this its like flipping groundhog day every day, I don’t have many friends and my son & daughter have their own lives to lead !
But we do get up every day and go through the motions and some days are good others bloody awful, apologies for my negativity today, I will strive to be more positive tomorrow, but weekends are awful xxx
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Yes Debsie Edinburgh is a beautiful city and a lot to see, been a while since Ive been there ! We also like visiting graveyards, that is my daughter and grandchildren, we took my son’s 7 yr old last time to a very old graveyard 10 min walk from me and he loved it! My daughter said what if he tells his mum she will think we are weird, but it’s not, lots of people like visiting old graveyards!
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Lizzy hope your busy day shopping will mean you will sleep well tonight. Im glad you had a good day, you needed that break from the house xxx
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Debsie, I know what that means, I think I’m emotionally drained just now. I hope you get the camper away and the bike. It is sad. We know they would hate what we are doing but we really can’t keep them.after it’s gone, you feel better. I felt terrible putting a few things in the bin with anger, one was a dog on a plaque that his kids gave him when they were really young, it was a black lab like the one he loved. After what she did to me I wasn’t going to keep anything that reminded me of them. The other one looked like him with his Barbour jacket, cap on and holding his gun with a dog at his side.i never did like it as I’m not into shooting. These things have to be done. If you ever manage to get to Edinburgh again I will come and see you, it’s only about 2 hours from me if I time my buses correctly. I love the sad story of Greyfriars Bobby, loved the film. I went on a ghost walk in Edinburgh at Halloween, it was so good, very realistic and the stories they told along the walk were all true. Scary though. I hope your tummy is a bit better, you should maybe go and see your GP again. Maybe if you get a different doctor they may suggest something else to help you. Xxxx
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Georgi, every time I get down , I look at my little Positive Potato that my grandson gave me, it makes me smile. It’s so hard some days, I fell asleep for a while there. Trying not to do that as I’d rather have a good sleep at night. , Gosh I maybe should go and eat something, that might make me stay awake. Xxx
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Hi, I’m sorry for your loss as well, nothing prepares you for this pain and all this admin stuff is horrendous. It’s relentless, banks stop everything immediately so you are forced to inform all the companies that have direct debits coming off, they end up wanting to see the death certificates, the DWP sends you letters as the minute you register the death they get informed. They should give us time but we are forced to deal with it.
Take care xxx
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Debsie, have you gone back to the original purchaser and explained and offered a lower sale price? Might be worth a trey.
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Lizzy, I’ve very nearly thrown things around the kitchen, and in the bin - even just a glass Mary used to take her medications! In the end I put them in a charity box, so if I do change my mind - unlikely - I’ve still got them. But oh so nearly in the wheelie bin!
I went up to the local pub with my family next door and some of their close relatives tonight. So lovely but my son in law’s brother was still so emotional we both ended up in tears. Got a burger and small chips on the way back - SMALL? - there’s enough to feed the 5,000!
10.00 pm or even 9.00 pm bed tonight I think after that lot! I too feel drained after a busy week, even though it was a nice week of social interaction!
Sleep well everyone, you too Peaches when it gets to your bed time.
Much love to you all. Nigel xxx
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Nigel I refunded his money. He said if I got it repaired he would still be interested but I really cannot be bothered with all that. I have relisted it as non working but so tempted to bin it. I really have had enough of selling things. I just hate throwing things away.
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Debsie See what happens with the relisting - then decide whether to bin it. I hate binning things too and I have a LOT of things to clear because of that, so that will be a challenge for me!
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So sorry for your loss, it is a tough time for everyone.whatever stage we are at! I agree we all have to take things at our own pace, there is no rule book to follow, we all just do what we can to get through xxx
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Debsie I know what you mean, I broke a chain sharpener trying to get it off the shelve it was bolted to in the log shed. I gave it away for nothing to the guy that bought the four chain saws, all the oil, chains etc, he got a real bargain, told him I broke a bit off the sharpener but he was happy with his lot, one thing less to get rid off. I have no idea how long the man cave will take to clear, I’ve not made a dent in it. And there is still the loft. We were always going to get a skip and clear it out, why didn’t we do it? I think when the times comes and I get the go ahead to move I will probably bin it all. Charity shop in my town is full and doesn’t let you bring stuff in. I just hope I get the bigger tools sold, still a lot to get rid of. I’m not driving miles to get rid, too much hassle for me. I still feel guilty throwing his ornaments out, it was the only thing he had when he was with his ex many years ago. I also threw out a brass canon that was his grandfathers, it had to go, I wouldn’t put it up in my new house. It might have been different if I was staying here but I have to be ruthless.
It’s amazing what some people will buy, broken or not. Fingers crossed we can all have a good week clearing out.
Hope you all get a good sleep tonight xxx
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Nigel I am also one who hates binning things, not my husband he was ruthless, not a hoarder like me, and thats another time we looked at things differently, its amazing we lasted 47 yrs 
But then I guess there is the saying opposites attract xxx
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100% Georgi - except Mary was the ‘throw it out’ Queen!
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hazbazmatraz, I am so very sorry that your husband died. It is Earth shattering, we know. Each of us is walking this same path, some started earlier, some join along the way. If you read back through the thread you will see that we have all come a very long way as the weeks and months pass.
Nothing will ever be the same as it was and the admin is daunting. It took 18 weeks for me to get it together and I still messed up. I would not wish this on anyone.
You will make it, we have, and are proof that it is possible.
We’re still standing, yah, yah, yah.
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I’ve finished all of it now, in a way I find it’s a distraction from the grief . . Yes we all get there I’m getting better. You just feel like life is not the same and I am not the same person I was before. I have our children they keep me grounded. We are all doing amazing and just take it a day at a time , or at the beginning an hour at a time… 
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hazbazmatraz. So true about the hour by hour bit!
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It is the most devastating heart breaking loss. Even take it minute by minute reach out where you can . I rang samaratains cruse several times in those early weeks
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I laughed a little bit about this! Couldn’t work out whether it was the spirit of your mother-in-law the spirit of your husband who caused your hand to break the spring?
To be fair, I don’t believe in these things, but it occurred to me that they were watching over you and didn’t approve!
My husband had this huge, and I mean huge Georgian mock up of a coin mounted on a plinth . Properly about 50 cm in Diameter. It is what I call gopping.
And I told him so when he bought it. He was only ever allowed to have it in his study, and in the previous house down his end of the lounge where his desk was. (There are also certain pictures which were only allowed to be in his study)
Anyway, and I did think about this with a big surge of sadness, we joked that when he died, not realising that this would be a soon event, It would be one of the first things I got rid of. I took it out of one of the packing boxes on Friday, looked at it, and knew that I could not get rid of it, or at least not yet. I could hear him laughing!
So in all honesty, Debbsie I actually envy your gumption!!
Xxx
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Angel7 I’m hoping you are ok as we haven’t heard from you for a few days.
Remember that we will listen to you as much as you want and need. You will want and need to go back over and over it. It is PTSD and you body and mind can’t stop you from doing so. It was months before I started to control that better and relive things less often. I remember in the early days being powerless to control the repeated imaginary reinactments where I changed the outcome.
My son and daughter are teenagers and were there with us the morning he died but we’re not there at the final end. They have reacted in different ways but live on with their grief. I found that it helped to have a range of people who I talked to to almost share the burden of my grief and so that I could repeat my self ad infinitum!
Take care. Thinking of you
Xxx
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