Two weeks of widowhood.

Losing a partner
1966

Debsie, I know, how you feel about medication - Mary had loads of tablets and things to help her live a full and active life as I do too, and I feel that without them. I’d have lost her sooner than I did.

My firstborn was a boy, my second a girl, whom we lost on her first day. I’d have loved a daughter as I’m sure my ex-wife did too. And then we went on to have a second boy. Both are wonderful gifts of course. I was then so lucky to have got together with Mary and her two girls. So had two of each, who were always ‘our’ children. Now I have 6 granddaughters and 5 grandsons as well. I feel just so fortunate!

KtG, I see myself in your medication regime. I set alarms and then forget if I don’t take them right away. How you set yours out is very like my own way.

Your husband would be pleased for you, I’m sure – working in a nice, well designed kitchen is so good, and you’ll have fun with deciding where all your things will go in the cupboards, I’m sure.

I hope you have a lovely time with your daughter. Happy 18th birthday KtG’s daughter.

Peaches I understand what you’re suggesting but almost none of my meds come in bottles, just the sprays, and the rest all come in different size and shape boxes and different types of blister pack. Following my TIA in 2023, I now have 9 different morning meds and 7 different one’s at night. If I didn’t put them in plastic pill dispensing boxes I’d find it difficult to take them out of their packaging twice a day or find anywhere to put them when in use. I just need to remember I think! :rofl:

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1967

Oh dear Lizzy not a good start to your day, hope tomorrow is better for you xxx

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1968

Nigel the cost of postage these days, they likely paid a fair bit for a signed for letter :roll_eyes:

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1969

KtG thats good to have things to look forward too, enjoy your outing with your daughter tomorrow. Wow a new kitchen thats exciting too, we had a new bathroom done and I was so excited as we had never had a new bathroom in all the yrs we were married plenty of kitchens but no bathrooms, but it was bittersweet be because before it was even finished my husband was diagnosed with cancer and 5 months later he was gone xxx

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1970

A new kitchen too!! WOW! How wonderful! It must be terribly exciting. That is a labor intensive job! Living through it will be pretty awful, but when it is over you will have a prize. There are so many selections of everything from which to choose, I find it dizzying. Did you make all your selections?

Georgi, my husband never got to see the newly painted house, or the once in every 130 year snow, or a very skinny wife, or the carpet in his office. (the last one is a joke of sorts)

Bed at 6am, phone rang at 10. Been awake ever since. Back to square one? No, huh?

I have nothing going on, today was a blur of exhaustion except that my friend and his dog came for a play date. They ran and jumped and wrestled at full speed for about 1/2 hour and at least this one is conked out. My friend showed me a video of my husband playing guitar at a party last summer. My husband was something else, I tell you. They were great friends and I know our friend is missing him too.

Finding it hard to plan meals again. It almost feels like I am going backwards a bit.

I would like to check in to a really fancy Las Vegas hotel and spa and get every spa treatment they have, daily massages, room service for every meal, buy 2 or 3 new coordinated outfits from head to toe, get a chiropractic adjustment and then go see a show every night.

Boo hoo! My carriage is now a pumpkin and there is a pea under my mattress. Hope I don’t sound whiney.

I read this page from the beginning and well, we have all come a long way. I also realized that grief is like being bi-polar, one day we are okay, the next in despair. Over and over and over again. No wonder we are exhausted trying to stay standing on this rocking boat of constant swells and dips.

I will collapse into peaceful and restful sleep.

I hope you all do as well.

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1971

Good morning everyone or evening to Peaches. Bi-polar sounds a good description of what we are going through.
That must have been really nice watching a video of your husband, I would have cried, I wish now that I had a video. I didn’t do too much yesterday and by evening I was down again, I was so tired, fell asleep on couch in afternoon and even went to bed at10pm, wakened up at 6am, never slept as long as that.
I’m meeting my daughter this morning for a bit of shopping, hope my stupid buses are running ok.
My plaster got delivered late last night so I could get up and do a little bit before I have a shower. I was pleased with the bit of patching up I did a few days ago till I ran out, it doesn’t even need sanding. This was very therapeutic to me, the house is old and the walls must have been plastered by a cowboy, they annoyed me as you could see every bump in them under the previous wallpaper. All my cake decorating has come in handy lol.
I’ve ruined two pairs of jeans, bleach on both, I’ve no idea how that happened so I need to buy some more. Will keep these bleachy ones for decorating only.
17 weeks today, I wrote down a list of all the things I have achieved and I was amazed as I had never really thought of doing that till Peaches suggested it. I only ever thought of the things I still have to do and it’s frightening. I will keep adding to my list which is fairly long already. I will keep plodding on slowly as I definitely have burnt myself out doing too much. A wee day out will do me good today. More frost here again, my car full again of stuff to get rid of but that can wait. Takes too long to defrost it and I’ve ran out of de-icer. I feel like I’ve came down a gear but maybe I needed to do that.
Hope we all have a nice day. Take care everyone :hugs::hugs::hugs:

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1972

Nearly £3.00!

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1973

@KtG
New kitchens are certainly quite an experience. We’d ordered one exactly a week before my husband died. It was his project and he’d done all the research and planning. I’d just left him to it as it was something he could do from bed.
It got installed about 2 and a half months later. It was tough to live through having workmen in the house all day for days.
I had really mixed feelings about it initially, especially his flipping smart appliances which refuse to connect to the network. And the fitters left me with some problems to deal with. But after time I’ve settled with it and know he’d be pleased.
So remember your husband would be happy for you.

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1974

Peaches, it’s so sad when we realise they won’t see things that have been planned. In my case it’s my daughter’s extension and never going to France in the car I bought just before she died. She never even drove it once!

You’re not being whiny just going through a down patch, we all understand those days. Even after all the social things I’ve been lucky to do this week, I was really sad at the club last night. Everyone laughing and joking. It felt they’d already all moved on . They probably haven’t but it felt that way. I just wanted to go home, but was driving some of them. I was glad to get home!

I think bi-polar described it very well. And how quickly everything can change?

Hope you had a good sleep, and that today is better when you wake. Nigel xxx

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1975

Lizzy, I really hope you have a great day with your daughter today, and I’m so pleased your plastering is coming on well. A pretty skilled job, and one I hate, but in France it’s ok as the walls are flint and 225 years old. We just had to accept the way it was built.

I’m lucky to have some videos of Mary at parties, and even singing 500 miles, with her family in Ireland, and I also have some from YouTube downloads, of her reading in church, and singing there too. You can always pick her out as she was the only one who could hit top “A” with perfect pitch. They really miss her as they’ve now realised who was the one who kept them all going properly.

I’ll have to try a list of things I’ve achieved, as it seems so little, especially in the house.

Have a great day. Nigel xxx

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1976

Thank you Nigel, you are a very caring person. I’m on my bus now, it’s freezing, the drivers never think to make us comfy and put heating on. Have a lovely day xxx

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1977

Lizzy - That’s kind of you to say that, I blame my parents!!! I think all of the folk on here are really caring people.

It was her caring attitude that first drew me to Mary - she never said no to giving help to any single person as far as I can remember. Even if that was stopping her doing the things she wanted to do. She even took in a friend of my daughter, who had run away from her abusive foster carer, at 10.00pm on a Friday night. Standing there on our doorstep all alone with her suitcase in hand! She knew exactly where to come! And Mary even held out a welcoming hand to my ex-wife when she needed help.

Tell - well maybe ask - the driver to turn it on! Maybe he forgot.

Much love. Nigel xxx

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1978

Lizzy you deserve your day out with your,daughter, you have been so busy and no-one can keep that up without a break, so enjoy your day and you can tell us all about it tonight xxx

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1979

Unbelievable !

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1980

Yes Sarie it is big upheaval and normally I hate workmen in the house I find it awkward, but getting the bathroom done ended up longer than it should’ve as they found when they lifted the flooring that the floor was collapsing so it took 3 wks but the guys were just lovely and I kept them well fed they had a cuppa before they started, a mid morning cuppa then there lunch, then an afternoon cuppa , cost me but was well worth it, they did an amazing job and were lovely guys, the plumber had his dog with him and normally it stays in the car but I said no way take him in, Otis & I became best friends over that 3 wks, the plumber has had to come back a couple of times small issues and Otis gets out of the van and runs straight to my door, they never forget !
The kitchen we had same company but different guys back then 10 yrs ago, we were lucky we bought the flat from my brother in law as he had to move into supported housing so we were able to get kitchen and all doors and skirting boards replaced and laminate laid, also demolished part of a wall to make kitchen & lounge open plan as they were both small rooms , all done before we officially bought the flat, that was a huge bonus !

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1981

Lizzy, I know right? The list shows us the reality of the many, many things we have done and takes a bit of sting out of the list of things yet to do. We have to remind ourselves that we have been busy attending to everything we have on our plates, have accomplished much and are doing a very good job of it all.

The document I forgot to file is, of course, the one giving me authority to act.

Learned yesterday that one of the people to whom my husband left a bit of money died last year. The man was important enough in my husband’s life to leave him money, but apparently did not hear that the man had passed. I never met the man, but my Sis-in-law knew him back in the day and shocked me with that news. If I can find his widow, I will send the money to her.

Before my husband died, I read the obituaries every day to make sure I wasn’t missing a funeral or had just lost someone I knew. Haven’t read that section of the paper since.

Since I can’t replace my old, ugly, scratched up sink, my only option is new counters and back splash. I just can’t even think about it.

Nothing on the schedule today. If not for the roofers it would be a quiet time.

Love to all.

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1982

Georgi, I had a lovely day shopping, I picked up a few things to make up for ruining my jeans and then I saw a lovely jumper. My bus was 30 minutes late but was glad to see it coming into bus station. I’m so cold today, sitting with a nice coffee and a cake watching a film now. I hope I’m fit to start again tomorrow. I was fine when I was out but I’m so tired again. Will just chill out for rest of night. Xxxx

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1983

Peaches , that is so kind of you to try and find his widow, such a lovely gesture, I hope you find her. Not many people would do that.
I hope the document that you have to file is an easy one. I was sure I’d missed one out when I sent them to the Foreign Office but it must have been ok. Just need a wee miracle for the next part to be completed.
Oh and I loved your dream about the hotel in Vegas, that would be heaven. Xxx

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1984

Lizzy glad you had a good day. I am not sure about mine. Started badly with a bad nights sleep, tummy not painful but still not right as I am struggling to drink tea, always a sign. I had a little walk out with my daughter-in-law and granddaughter. Then someone I know from my village said she might be interested in the camper. She and her husband came to look but they haven’t even decided what they want yet so little hope for a sale there anytime soon. Had to talk about David, trying not to cry. Then my husbands friend came by to take some pictures of the motorbike to see if he can find a buyer. Not only emotional because the bike is my husbands pride and joy but he was saying how he missed my husband and he did make me cry. He couldn’t work out the loo seat either.

I then made an eBay sale of this really ugly clock that belonged to my mother in law. I never liked it but my husband thought we should keep it. I was so pleased to be getting rid of it for more then I think it worth but I broke the spring whilst packing it. Will try and sell again for half the price and hope someone will want to repair it. If not its for the bin.

I too am feeling absolutely exhausted. In fact I think I have been exhausted ever since I found out I was a widow. The phrase emotional draining has never been more apt. I would make a list of my achievements but struggling to think of any. Sorted out paperwork and sold loads of ****.

Peaches I too used to read the obituries but no more. I did have a walk around the local graveyard on Thursday to see if there were any recent additions. I think most people are cremated these days though but I love a graveyard. I looked around Greyfriars graveyard in Edinburgh last year. It was the highlight of the trip for me. Absolutely fascinating . Just watched a program about a haunting there - wish I had seen that before I went, I love a good ghost story too. We were supposed to go to Edinburgh for my 60th but it was 2020 and they locked us down. Glad I got to go before this nightmare, it was a lovely trip and we made some good memories. I wonder if I will be brave enough to go back on my own. Its a good train journey from here. Maybe somewhere I could try out a solo holiday in the future.

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1985

Hi, I am so sorry you have lost your husband it is truly awful. I lost my husband in November. I couldn’t cope with the admin side of it all for about 6 weeks and then I started. People were pressurising me though . It’s all very stressful, just do things at your own pace little at a time .

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