Two weeks of widowhood.

I totally agree that having the two as long as they’re ready together and are sisters for example then it should be a good move.
Animals are supposed to be one of the best things to support you through the grief process.

And I’ll tell you this, back when things were really bad, and I recognise I have moved forward, but back a long time ago when I was sobbing uncontrollably on my own in the house, it must’ve been after the funeral at some point - one of the cats came running down the stairs calling out and jumped on me. I’ve never forgotten that and yesterday when that grief counsellor was round the cat came again.

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Well done for your dent in the man cave. And for your haggling and selling skills I think that’s really funny if you buy the saw I’ll give you the helmet for free.
Who knows what floats peoples boats? I watched a bit of Stacey Solomon on Monday and I was reinspired to go through some of my boxes as I unpack and weed things out
The removal man came and took the empty boxes away and so now I know I’m ready to start on Unpacking others.

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Thank you Nigel thats is so much appreciated I’m still battling the paperwork and life insurance company as they are stalling and digging to get out of paying out on the mortgage i believe and yes i don’t want to start on clothes its just too much I’m sorry your on this terrible road too my hopes and prayers are with you I’ve tried the sleeping tabs but to be honest they just make me feel worse but these new antidepressants are supposed to help with a lot of the issues I’m facing i just cant see a way gorward after my linda went in october we were to marry this year after 14 years together but covid had other ideas on top of her kidney and liver problem which was improving even the drs said she could be home in a few weeks but then suddenly she caught it and within three days she was gone we were texting and talking on the ward only 3 days before that horrid day she was taken hurts like hell as i think you already know hope to be on here more i hope take care
Martin :heart_hands:

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Martin, I know that pain of losing someone when they’ve died in hospital.
The thought they were coming home and then they never do.
And still people don’t understand how serious Covid is.

I was so sorry too about the pay out for the mortgage that you are going through.
Be ready for the long-term fight for some of these payouts. As I told you before, my husband died 46 weeks ago last March. Aviva still have not decided if they are giving me the pension, which was my husband‘s wish, or whether they are sharing it between me and his estranged daughters Which they have decided they should do because he had said that they should have 50% of his estate. The pension is not in the estate, but the trustees are minded to follow the will.
I actually feel physically sick now when I have to ring up companies. God knows the life insurance company, who had his 100% to me expression of wish, still spent seven months deciding if they were going to give half of it to his estranged daughters - bearing in mind that when he divorced his wife, he gave her half of everything previously including his pension which he pulled down to give her and, which those girls will inherit Eventually through the house which she bought.
Sorry Martin that’s now been not very supportive post because I’ve ended up having a rant. But I just wanted you to understand that it might be the long haul with the money.

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Martin, I am so sorry that your lovely wife has died. I lost my husband on the 5th October, we know how you are feeling. I have also been in that same dark hole and I can honestly say this group of friends on here helped me crawl out of that hole, so join us and keep posting. The way I did it was to make decisions to get my house ready to move back home to where I used to live. I am lonely just now, have no friends or family, so the thought of moving is keeping me going. I can’t do it yet as there are legal problems and they are taking forever to get sorted but the minute I get the green light I am off. I feel I’m living in limbo. Try and keep busy, if I sit too long I start to think too much and the tears start again, I have good days and bad days. Take care, sending hugs :hugs::hugs:

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Ktg,
I know Scottish Law is different to English, but I sometimes wonder why we need a Will when the law doesn’t do what is actually written on it. In my case as you maybe know, even an expression of wish does not hold if estranged immediate family crawl out the woodwork and make claim on the Estate. I know they are going to get a percentage of one of his pensions and any money as it’s regarded as movable assets, if he had a car that’s a movable asset as well. The law stinks. It’s holding everything up for me because they have crawled from a greedy hole.
I didn’t get to ring a bell and I was disappointed so
I will be listening for that bell, ring it girl :bellhop_bell: xxx

Good morning everyone, I seemed to have crashed out last night very early and just woke up at 5.30 wow and wow. I actually had a full nights sleep. I was chilled to the bone after standing in the man cave for hours. I got a call from the elderly woman that bought some stuff to say something is missing, oh groan, she said it was two keys, but on looking up a u-tube video, it looks like two spanner’s, they said on it you could use an adjustable spanner. I am going to have to go back in there this morning and look for them, it will be like looking for a needle in a haystack. They offered to come and help me look, I will will offering them afternoon tea at this rate if I don’t find them, I was hoping to go up and see my friends but I will try and find these instead. She did ask me if my husband had passed, maybe that’s why they took so long looking to see what else they could take, but I’m not giving away anything else for free. I made a joke to them saying I wouldn’t like to clear out your garage as I think they are both hoarders :thinking:.

Nigel, maybe your leak has magically repaired itself, I wrapped paper towels round all the pipes to see where my leak was coming from as it must have been dripping down and they were all wet. Again under the sink was easier to do all that. I keep checking all the time and I’m amazed my silicon has done the trick (touch wood).
You are doing really well, I would be in tears watching videos, I don’t actually have any of my husband and we were both lazy at taking pictures. Before we went on holiday I was at a funeral of a colleague I worked with and they showed 50 photos at the virtual tribute, I thought it was lovely albeit a bit long. We were talking after it to friends and were joking we don’t have enough pictures to do that. Strangely enough, I did take more pictures than usual, not selfies but mostly of him. The most precious was the one I took two days before he died looking great. I only showed 25, that was plenty.
Take care xx

Debsie
I believe in strange things, the spookiest thing I’ve noticed is the clock in the man cave has stopped at the time of death. I can’t forget it, I can still hear the paramedics calling it. He was a watch, clock person and always kept them going, we had enough batteries to start a shop but at that time, I shiver every time I look up at it. My SIL mentioned the clock, I couldn’t believe it and told him that is exactly the time of death. I believe his presence is in that man cave. I don’t think he is happy because when I was bending down to lift the wood out for that couple, something jumped off the table and landed on my head. This is the second time that something has happened in there. I hope I find these spanner’s, I need to get up and start looking.

Peaches,
I am so so pleased for you, things are finally going your way, you give me hope, I just hope I get a good outcome when it’s my turn, the longer it’s going on the more worried I’m getting though. I will try and stay positive.
When I get one thing fixed another rears it dirty face. Maybe I will hear today, I open my emails with one eye closed, dreading it but wanting it to be there.
Have a nice day. Xxx

Georgi,
I hope you managed to get to sleep last night, your mind will be all over the place. Just keep busy. I remember waiting for the MDT results quite a few times over the years, I think they should let us sit in on them as it’s us they are talking about. My husbands consultant always attended them on a Monday so that they could arrange major cases quickly. We do complain about our NHS but I can honestly say they were super with my husband. I’m sure your Grandson will be safe in their hands. I’ve got my fingers and toes crossed xxxx​:hugs::hugs:

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Iive just lost my send partner,so sudden im devastated,zombie is a good discriprion of how we feel…Im nearly 69 and hoped we would be together till our time is up…I have just had open heart surgery ans feel alive again and looking forward to a fun future…My heart breaks for him he wanted to do so much…I hate being alone and miss his arms …Im so sorry for you :cry: xx

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Martin, we all know where you are. Things goung round and round your head when you should be sleeping. I have found that sleep makes things much easier. Bad nights sleep bad day to follow. I didn’t take tablets as I suffer from chronic migraines and everything seems to trigger them but try anything that will help. I visualise a nice happy scene. My go to one is one of those huts that juts out to sea in one of those Asian countries. I had always fancied it and as we had sold our holiday cabin and my husband had got his heart fixed we now could go ahead and do the things we wanted. Then life gives you a kicking. In my visualisation we are swimming in the warm water, towards a rock jutting out in the sea. In real life I can’t really swim but my husband loved swimming. I love sharing his love of swimming in this dream of mine. Its all to stop you thinking of other things, the swimming is relaxing. The sun is hot. I sometimes get out of the water and watch him swim. Yes I do have a vivid imagination, I am grateful for it. A much better place then reality.

I sympathise with the insurance people. They may surprise you. It took 3 months for me to get my husbands pension money. When you call you just get told they are dealing with it. The problem is that you are not in a good place to deal with all that crap. It would be nice just to know an update or time frame.

I hope you slept last night. The sleep does improve. I could only do 4 hours at the most to start with, now do 7 most nights, although still get the occasional bad one .

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Annabelle, I’m so sorry you had to join us in this dark place. My husband had open heart surgery just 7 weeks before he died. He was really getting back to the man he was, and our future was bright and exciting. Then, in 24 hours, he got pneumonia and sepsis and died. I still can’t get my head round how quickly someone can go from being so well to dead. I hope you find this place helps you as much as it has helped me. You will feel in a fog. Disbelief even anger. It isn’t fair. Hopefully, you can see here that we are managing to get through the days. That is all you need to achieve to start with.

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Hi everyone.

Peaches, everything is run in plastic so fortunately there is nothing to rust. Such good news about your taxes! Dinner sounds nice too.

Georgi, it’s possible it has self healed, so hopefully it won’t leak when I use it with hot water today. If it doesn’t leak then, I guess it must have been somewhere other than under the shower! Yes the nuns did a wonderful job, and were so kind to give it to her. She made a donation to the nunnery to say thank you. I call you all my online family, you have all done so much for each other not least for me.

I think they only allow 4 replies and then need a response before you can post more - hence why this is all on one post!

KtG, yes, the other day was manic especially - my fault I think! But it was so good too. You’re right, we are all fighters, and so loving to each other. I saw these quotes on a local site today: ‘Happiness is being around people who may or may not be your real family, but who love and support you anyway’, ‘When someone helps you when they’re struggling too, that’s not help, that’s love’ and ‘Anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you.’ So, so true! It’s help and support from you all that made it possible for me to get here in France.

BBC were just talking about, and showing, therapy dogs. I’m sure having a cat around would be good therapy too though as you found before.

Martin, I’ve been fortunate not to have actually needed to use the sleeping tablets, but I guess it’s been good to know they are there if I really did need them. My Mary was still texting people and apologising for not having done things she was meant to do, at 8.00pm on Friday 15 November, saying she’d get them done as soon as she was home. She had a stroke on Saturday and was gone before noon on the Sunday. So yes, like you and others here we all know it is numbing.

Keep going on the life assurance and if necessary make a formal complaint, and even take it to the Ombudsman if you remain unhappy with the response. But we shouldn’t have to deal with these issues when in dire grief.

Lizzy, in most cases the will is followed, but you are right, estranged family should not be allowed to interfere and make claims. Surely the will of the person who has died should be sacrosanct? (I exclude an expression of wish for pensions here as pensions shouldn’t even be considered as falling under the will instructions - that’s why the expression of wish is there, and I think the law needs changing to force the trustees to follow instructions made to them by their members prior to their death).

Hopefully you’ll find the keys/spanners for that lady, if not you could probably get them from Amazon or eBay quite cheaply. It’s 10.00 am here and I just checked and there’s absolutely no sign of any leak - the shower tray is still filled with water! Unfortunately all the joints are under the shower tray and can’t be accessed - they were never meant to be got at! So glad your sink repair is holding well too.

One of Mary’s family did the video and did a really good job. I simply edited it and put it onto a DVD with added music and effects. I ran a video business a few years ago and mainly did weddings, christenings and even a funeral in my time. So I’ve brought some of the family ones to look through. I was laughing through the video and was taken back to things I’d forgotten about. Yes there were certainly some parts that brought tears, but I found it strangely therapeutic at the same time. At the wake a friend put a video together of loads of photos of Mary and the family - there were over 250 photos on the video. We just left it playing so that anyone could view it as and when they wanted.

Wow, the clock and the things moving in the man cave are just incredible, and yes, a bit spooky!

Debsie, you put things so well - I hadn’t though of thinking of something good to get to sleep. I’m sure Mary had sepsis as well as the pneumonia even though it isn’t on the certificate, as she had 3 of 5 symptoms when she went into hospital. It’s the speed that stuns you isn’t it?

Annabelle

Welcome to our friendly family - even though it’s one we didn’t want to join. We all know your pain so post when you want. We’ve all come a long way since our respective losses and I certainly put much of that down to being in this group.

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Annabelle
So sorry for you having this heartbreaking
moment in a time you were lookiing forward to the future.
This site will have many thoughts to help you with it. We’ve all been struck in one way or another with stop sign in our lives.
I myself was hit with one, losing my sister and then my wife four days later.
I’ve found strength i didn’t know i had until i came on here.
Take care i’m sure with the help on here you’ll get there
:broken_heart::pray:

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Ring that bell xx

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Martin64 i was just like you when i lost my husband of fifty years felt like my heart had been ripped out couldn’t eat or sleep lost two stone and the paper work and money related things stressed me out as Chris had always looked after finances, l too had to go on antidepressants i am now eating better and sleeping more four months since he died i’m getting to grips with money matters slowly i still feel terribly lonely and hate my own company but I’m gradually coming to terms with it all. Life will never be the same and the future seems so bleak but you have to find a way to keep going sending hugs

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Martin64 no need to worry about clothes at the moment. I’m 42 weeks in and everything is still here in the wardrobes and it isn’t in the way. I tried earlier to start sorting but couldn’t make a decision. I took that as a sign that I wasn’t ready. You will have enough on in this early stage with all the never ending admin. There’s no rush to do anything really. Just rest when you can and try and eat something.
I’m just summoning up energy to tackle the shed😱. No idea what most of the tools are for! but I’ve been inspired by other’s efforts on here to get motivated. Tools/stuff are easier than clothes as not so personal. Thinking of you x

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Jody - the clothes I had no problem with, although I have kept some for now. I think I could probably clear a few more but some I will always keep. Now the garage - really don’t know where to start with that. I will wait for the nicer weather I think. Hopefully once the motorbike is sold it will spur me on there. How many car wax bottles can you have? Should I be waxing the cars? How do you wax a car? He has tonnes of the stuff. TBH he was always washing the cars. Such a fuss pot in some things. Cars spotless but he would wear clothes with holes in. Love him anyway.

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I thought this was lovely. I would like to watch the series again but its only on Netflix atm which I don’t have.

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Debsie and Jody, I might have a new career ahead of me, sorting tools and man cave clearing, I have lifted every box etc in there this morning and I can’t blooming find these spanner’s, I’m about to do what Nigel said and order a set, honestly I’m going to phone her and ask her if they are not attached to the table saw, if they are I will be annoyed as I’ve spent 2 hours out there, I think I know what every gadget tool there is to be had. I wish I’d taken a before and after although I’m only half way, but I can see floor now.
LIZZY’s Clearing Services
At your service ladies
Xxx

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Lizzy I used to wish my husband was good a DIY. I now am grateful he wasn’t as god knows how much stuff he would have if he was.

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Annabelle,
I am so sorry you have had to joint our group, you are in the right place, you can cry, vent, rant and we will all support you, no one prepares you for this, it has to be the toughest experience ever. It’s takes time but just get through hour by hour just now, maybe go a walk, get out the house, or keep posting how you are on here. We are all here to help you. Sending hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs:

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Debsie, I honestly don’t know why he kept manically buying, I told him to stop buying screws etc, there must be millions out there all in different compartments and written on each one. You are not going to believe this but a spanner jumped off the table again and I honestly don’t know where it went to, I’m not kidding, it’s freaking me out now, I looked everywhere and it’s not there.
Another rant is that my heating not working again, no hot water. It must be the pressure dropped on the boiler, I might need my SIL to fix it, I’m scared to touch the boiler. What next! I thought my spell of bad luck had stopped but here we go again. :weary:

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