We all cry at wierd times, I started crying in the opticians today, this thing makes no sense, hugs
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Take time for yourself… you’ve been going full pelt.
It’s ok to sit and do nothing.
It’s ok to sit and cry.
It’s ok to make time and space for yourself.
It’s ok to just sit…
Hugs xx
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I too have had to deal with things out of my comfort zone. Having problems with car battery and not sure if I need to get it replaced or it’s because I’m not using it much. I just want my husband here to take care of it all and take care of me. Some days I’m full of purpose and other days I ignore everything and hope it just all goes away. I think the sofa is a good decision. Tomorrow is a new day and maybe that day will be trouble free. I’m learning so much. Whether I’m any good at it is another matter.
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Bless you. I did wonder when it would all become to much. Reading on here today, so many people are caught in the swamp and struggling. I feel really down and have no patience. I am angry that he left me. I hate this sadness!!
Hugs to you x
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Sending you a great big hug
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I need the hugs. Thanks everyone.
Bawling my eyes out as the sweet young man aired up the tires. He knew my husband and expressed his sincere condolences. As did my tree men.
“Can you get cash to pay me while you are out?” and “I am ready for my order, but this time . . .” were thrown at me out of the blue and completely knocked me right off balance.
I crumbled over air. The straw that broke the camel’s back was of all things - air.
Already in a whirl as I was scheduled to accompany a relative to court for a divorce hearing tomorrow. (canceled this afternoon)
Never ask a recent widow to do anything extra. We can’t without fallout.
Oh and they cut too much of the tree off, but I don’t care. At all. There is very little I care about.
Tomorrow will be better. Won’t it?
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I hope tomorrow is an improvement on today. This miserable existance is awful. I think it’s an achievment to get through the day. I feel like this everyday! Is this it?
I hope we all have a better day. Love, hugs and understanding x
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Each day is a struggle in its own way, Wednesday is the worst for me, 6 weeks today since she left me, hate it, absolutely hate it. Life is so much less now.
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Atrum, I am so sorry. I get it. Yesterday was 7 weeks for me. I hate it too.
Today will be quiet. It is raining and there will be no painters. Good. I need a rest.
Much love.
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Yesterday was 17, long and very sad weeks. I wish i could hide away and hibernate for the winter.
Hugs x
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Prepping succession paperwork and printer quit. Of course.
f it
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I have some sadmin that needs to be done. I have put it off long enough. X
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I managed to clear 2 drawers of her clothes today, thats enough for this week
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Atrum - I am so proud for you. I know it was hard, but you did it. Bit by bit is what it takes. I shredded more paper, talked to 2 financial advisors and cleared out more of my own clothes.
Mbg - I have also put it off, decided to start today, but can’t until I get the printer to work.
Seems everything is breaking all at once.
Hugs.
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I’ve been trying to get information from the hospital but they weren’t returning my calls. Left several messages. Turns out the number listed in their pack they gave me is wrong. They are going to get the doctor to call me for a debrief of that day the treatment they gave my husband failed. I really need some questions answered but the conversation is going to be so hard. Some terrible memories of that day I don’t really want to relive. I also feel like shouting at the doctor because she failed to save him. They saved other people who were much older and sicker but couldn’t save him. What a s****ty day it’s been today.
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Debsie, chances are, the doctor will talk medical gibberish which you will never remember. Tape the call and then listen over and over, look up words, etc. Our brains are in no condition to comprehend much.
I am so sorry. I hope you get a call soon.
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You have to do what’s right for you to get closure. I won’t ever know what happened to my husband that horrible morning, it was so sudden, I had to do CPR on him till the ambulance crew arrived. But I knew he was gone. The police decided it wasn’t suspicious after talking to me for an hour then because it was at the weekend I had to wait till Monday to speak with my doctor who gave out the death certificate. He gave me the option of having a post mortem done but to be honest I was still in shock and said he had been cut up enough in the last year and opted for his second choice which said cancer. I keep having flash backs of that morning, could I have done more. The paramedics tried to put oxygen into him, I screamed at them to say he was a neck breather and that mask would not help him. His neck stoma looked as if it had closed starving him of oxygen, I wish I’d tried harder to get it open but they kept telling me to keep doing cpr. I have to live with this, really not knowing, the only small comfort is if they had got him back he was too long without oxygen getting into him that it could have affected his brain and he always said he could not cope with being like that, he always said let him die. I do understand what you are going through and hope you get answers as it will help you get closure, I never will now. Best wishes xx
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I have been thinking of when my wife went into hospital 4 days before for a repeating vomitting thing, she was admitted and her blood pressure was very low and with her secondary cancer it was decided to stop her heart meds for congestive heart failure (caused by chemo) to try and stabilise her blood pressure, 4 days later she was supposed to be coming home the next day and within 4 hours of being told that her heart started failing and she had to fight to breathe as if she was drowning and in the back of my mind there is always the question if she never went to hospital for the vomiting she never would of stopped the heart meds and she might still be here. I feel guilty and responsible because I convinced her to go to hospital and because of me she may have died. I was with her through it all, she knew she was dying and and still loved me, and all I can think is its my fault.
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I know where you are coming from. My husband had heart surgery 7 weeks before because I said he was likely to die young if he didn’t. Haha how ironic. He had open heart surgery to repair a valve but they had to do it again a week later as it didn’t work, the poor man went through hell. Can’t help thinking that is why his immune system was rubbish and his body couldn’t cope with the chest infection. Can’t help wondering if I had pressured him to go to A&E earlier they may have got on top of the sepsis. But also need reassurance that the lack of critical care beds didn’t impact on his treatment and cost him his life. They kept giving him fluid to get his blood pressure up but then found it was filling up his lungs, was that a mistake? I don’t think anyone can really answer those questions, I am just hoping to gain some understanding of why he got so ill so quickly and why the treatment didn’t work. I suspect they will say that that is what happens sometimes and they don’t know why. But what I do want to get across is that if you think your patients life is in danger tell the family so that you don’t go home to have something to eat and a shower. Thats a decision I’ll always regret as I missed being there in his last concious hour. They said that he will need to be on a CPAP machine for about 4 hours so I wasn’t expecting that to be the last time I would talk to him. My son was there but it wasn’t me, and my other son didn’t come up as we were not expecting him to die.
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Know what you mean,my hubby went into respite,got a call to say he had deteriorated and they got him home,he passed the next day,i feel so guilty,keep thinking if i hadn’t put him in respite he might still be here,have been told it’s not my fault,he was ready to go,doesn’t make it any easier though.
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