You will get there, I promise you xx
Those first few weeks are the hardest, I too relied on my husband ( in 46 yrs together I never made an important decision without running it past him first) a lot and I really feel he would be proud of how I have coped on my own ( not the missing him and tearful, sleepless nights) but the day to day stuff and making decisions on my own, I think we both thought that side would get to me but in actual fact that has been the easier part of this grief journey !
So yes I have faith you will find your strength to deal with all the decisions you will have to make and you will get stronger with every decision, it just takes time to build up that confidence, if I can do it you can, take care, sending a huge hug xxx
Great advice, Rome wasn’t built in a day as they say xxxx
Almost adopted another dog - to keep my dog company. What has become of me? The LAST thing I need is another thing to keep alive and amused. Can’t trust my own judgment.
The local 12 year old boys baseball team was having a car wash. I got both cars done and gave them a big donation. Check.
They were so cute and working for money to go to Cooperstown, Ohio where they will play for titles and where the National Baseball Hall of Fame is located. Sweet.
Talked to total strangers for a while. Now, that is me.
Dog, cat and people food. Check.
Put back stuff I pulled out. Check.
Mail. Bill.
Paid lawn man. Check.
Boiled eggs for fridge. Extra check.
Very uninteresting life and It gets dark so early now, it just adds to the sad, doesn’t it?
Had a mini-panic session because I had so much to unload from the car. Got everything in it’s place and went to sleep. Is that weird?
Ready for the couch and it isn’t 7p yet. Exhaustion all the time.
Much love. May our tomorrow be better than today.
I have 4 dogs. They are a full-time job. Got up this morning. It was so cold and miserable. It matched my mood!! Went food shopping. The rain was like a monsoon. A friend called in for a cup of tea. We had a chat and the company was lovely. She left and the sad came. I am extra missing him tonight. I just want a hug from him, to see his smile. I don’t like this life, I didn’t choose it, I want what I can’t have.
4.20am. Third time I’ve woken up. Had 4 hours sleep but brain going like the clappers this time so given up. When will the sleep improve? Always used to have 8 hours sleep would be nice to have that again. Perhaps if I could get my tummy to settle down it would help. A usual problem when stressed, and boy am I stressed. Really don’t want to take pills, they would only set my migraines off again which have strangly improved.
Mbg, I can’t believe this life is real. My husband’s form is in the sofa, every time i walk past it grabs my attention - empty. His sink is unused. It is noticeable. Like a gut punch every time.
So glad you had a friend “pass by” as we say here. Even a brief respite is so good for the soul.
One dog is enough, there is hair everywhere. I can not imagine taking care of 4 dogs. So much work, so messy, and so expensive!
I now believe that my husband agreed to this dog 7 months ago was so that I would have something to love me back. He did so many things that tell me he was preparing to leave me alone and wanted me to be safe at home. Things such as the new, monitored, security system with cameras.
I was in such denial of the reality of our circumstance and the impending doom. I rejected it. Always cheering him on and refusing to believe that, this time, my husband would not beat the odds as he always had.
There is no other man on Earth that I could/should/would have ever married but him. Irreplaceable. I was so blessed to find him. I was blessed with a fantastic and exciting life as his wife.
One of the wisest women I’ve ever known told me her street smart philosophy, “just because you have it, doesn’t mean you can keep it”. It applies to everything, I have found.
Much love to all. Tonight is sad. But, tomorrow is another day and something good will happen to us all. Count how many good things happen tomorrow. Even the little things - especially the little things.
Debsie, it will be 9 weeks for me on Tuesday, it is now Saturday. My 4 hour sleep sessions started to improve just last week. I still stay up late, and am awake before dawn but I am hard napping at some point during the day. Not getting 8 straight, but 6 split is better than the 4 I was getting.
Do you have a sleep aid? There is no reason to fly solo here, you need sleep. We don’t do well without it.
I’m the same, sleep for a few hours then wake up. It’s now 6am, the house is cold, dark and miserable. It was snowing yesterday and now it’s foggy . Not going to Be good day for my walk. I’ve cleaned most of the cupboards, what on earth am I going to do today. Our buses are only every two hours on a Sunday, yesterday because of the weather trains and buses were delayed everywhere, I’m scared to try and go out. My husband would have been so worried about me wandering aimlessly yesterday. For the first time I was glad to get home. I got home, lit the fire, had a brandy then fell asleep with exhaustion. This isn’t living, hugs to all xx
I am so glad I found this site, otherwise, I might think I was going insane. Knowing that all I am feeling and doing is normal makes a huge difference in my mental state.
It’s okay to be not okay. Whew.
If it wasn’t for this site I would have serious concerns about my mental health. Hugs
Me too, I’ve been stuck in all day and it’s having a bad affect on me. I watched about 4 films and cudnt tell you what any of them are about. I feel really bad just now as I just threw out a glass ship in a bottle which my husband bought and I hated it. I put in in the bin and the minute I did it my tv went off. It’s freaked me out a bit. Think I am going a bit mad. Xx
I’m curious, how did you find this site??
Hi, I think I found it online xx
Thats where I came across it. Peaches is in America, I wonder how she found it. I have seen a post from Canada and I think New Zealand.
Hi, yes we seem to be all over the world, it is interesting to find how we are all coping with this xx
Your day has been eventful, keeping busy is good, says me who did very little today but to be fair I had a stinker of a migraine yesterday and they drain me so I will say today was a recovery day !
I never did like the long dark evenings but dislike them even more now though Im coping better this year than I did last year, it was awful felt so claustrophobic ! I was sp pleased when spring came !
Yes here’s to better days going forward, take care xxx
I’m the opposite I cant’t get to sleep sometimes its 6am before I finally fall asleep, just as well I’m retired cause I would be late for work if I worked day shift, saying thatI was 36 years on nught shift 
When I first joined I thought the site was just for those in UK but its not the case its amazing though no matter where in the world your from the grief is still the same xx
I’m in Aberdeen Scotland xxc
I am in Wales. Grief is universal. This site is built on sadness and yet everyone is considerate and kind.x
Lizzy, the house seems to respond. I get it. So glad you let the ship in the bottle go. I also tossed some things my husband liked, but which I hated. It felt good, really. Then, a socket blew up.
I broke from the fog today and went to a dinner party for 16. It was wonderful to see everyone I haven’t seen in so long. I’ve know this family since I was 5 years old. Got lots of hugs, had a great meal with 15 others, played a fun group game, washed dishes, and really enjoyed myself in the company of people whom I love.
There were condolences, but no tears. Just heart felt love.
My first outing. Sunday afternoon. It will be 9 weeks on Tuesday. For 3 hours I forgot about all my worries and did not live hour by hour.
For those of you on the fence about attending a holiday gathering, do not hesitate.
Go. Plan to stay for 1/2 hour and see how it goes. Dress up, smile and get some hugs. We all need them. It does us good.
This could not have happened any sooner.
Got a little lost on the way, but so what? I had plenty of fuel and air in the tires. What? Me worry? Who is this person today?
Much love.