I would think she wants to know the value of the estate to enable you to receive advice for future planning
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Peaches, clearing out is keeping me sane and it’s mostly my stuff, I’m not really doing so well inside, it’s all a front. Not having a good night I’m bottling stuff up in my head. Glad you had a nice Thanksgiving and it must be nice having the dog for company. Feeling very lonely, just hope I sleep tonight. Take care xx
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Lizzy, the dog is mostly a pain in the rear end, but he does make me laugh and go for long walks. So far the good outweighs the bad.
I know what you mean about putting on a good front. Everyone says “you are really doing so well”, but I am not. I say “I’m okay” because saying “I’m scared crapless, I can’t sleep, I have no appetite, I’m worried, I’m anxious, I am panicky, I am alone and no one can help me get better” wouldn’t register; they aren’t widows and widowers.
Take care. Much love.
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I really hope so, I’m worrying about everything just now, can’t sleep, my mind is racing, I’ve got headaches with stress and this is all because of an email from my lawyer. I’m up and down like a yo yo. Probably if I get a sleep, things won’t be as bad in the morning. Xx
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Try and remember they are working for you and not against you. It is awful to panic and worry about everything. Think of all the questions you want answers for. Grief is horrific without the worry. Take care x
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Lizzy, do not worry about something you can do nothing about at this moment. Email your lawyer back and ask him/her to explain whatever the situation - tomorrow. I use to not even open mail until the next morning or Monday after the weekend so as to not fret.
Had a 90 minute pull down the street by the dog. Have a cold front coming through so the temp was nice. We both needed to move our bodies.
Everything I thought I would get accomplished today - poof. Didn’t even try and I have a guest coming on Saturday to stay a few days. Guest room is ready, but the rest of the house - not so much. Oh well, it’s still the cheapest hotel around. She’ll be fine in the mess, or maybe lend a hand. Who knows?
Good nite lovely people. May you sleep well, have wonderful dreams and wake refreshed.
Much love.
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Glad to hear your feeling a bit better, it never rains but it pours, feels like its one thing after another sometimes, this grief is a hard journey to travel on xx
Thats a very good idea about using your car alarm to alert neighbours, sadly I don’t drive but in the shower I will definitely take my phone for sure and sit on the toilet seat for easy reach if a fall in bathroom but hopefully it was a one off !
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Lizzy sleep is important, problems magnify when you are tired. I’ve had my first good night sleep this week. It was only the usual 6.5 hours, but I was having lots of dreams, and I woke feeling refreshed. It makes a lot of difference. See if the doctor can prescribe something. I can recommend 2 paracetamol before bed. I have to limit pain killers as I have chronic migraines, and if you use them for more than 10 days a month, you can get rebound headaches. I am very grumpy when tired, a fact my husband always teased me about. And if I am hungry as well, everyone needs to take cover. Let the lawyer do her job. If you need probate, they still need to value the estate even if no tax. I’ve been lucky as all things are in joint names, so no probate is needed. I am, however, struggling to access his pension. Its 6 weeks since they were notified and no contact. I’ve rang them, and they just say its being processed. It will be fine but it makes you anxious, worrying there’s a problem. Don’t these people realise the stress they cause. Being the one who handled all finances makes it a lot easier. My husband would have struggled, but then again, he would have sorted the car problems a lot better. You will get there, we are slowly ticking these things off. Then we will find something else to worry about.
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Debsie, I had a few hours sleep, I am glad our house was in joint names but I still have to get a Grant of Confirmation done to get it into my name but there is a lot of complications To get sorted out, it’s freaking me out a bit. I’m going to email my lawyer today and get the things that are worrying me answered. Also my printer playing up so can’t scan what the lawyer is wanting, honestly it’s been working great up until now, I’ve spent days trying to sort it. When I’m stressed I pack a bag and go and stay with my daughter which I’m doing today. In a way, believe it or not, I was the stronger of the two of us, my husband would not cope at all if he had to go through what I’m going through, I did all the finances but I’m struggling and worrying how I am going to manage now, I’m not entitled to any benefits and just been sent a letter saying I’m not entitled to inherit any of his state pension. I’m too old for bereavement support and too young by a year to get any type of widows pension. On top of that I have a long lost relative laying claim to the estate. A lot of things have to get sorted and hopefully quickly or my mental health is going to suffer. Anyway today is another day, maybe a better one I hope. Wish it was this time next year and this is all sorted out. Take care xx
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I feel for you. It is so annoying about state pension. My husband only got it for 4 months before he died. He was getting a lot more then I will get as he had extra serps payments, I feel I should at least be given some of that. All those years of NI. I did get bereavement support though. I was surprised as I didn’t know about it. They keep these things quite. I got £2500 lump sum and will get £100pm for the next 18 months. It won’t make a lot of difference but it all helps. I will be fine as long as his pension company can get off their arses and distribute his pension pot. I hope you get these things sorted, it certainly isn’t right that you have to deal with all this crap when your life has just fallen apart. But you will sort it in the same way as you deal with your grief. One step at a time and try not to look to far ahead. The future is a very scary place.
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I hope his pension get sorted out quickly. I got a lump sum a few days ago from a policy which was ongoing. It wasn’t a great amount but every little helps. I now find that this person claiming could be entitled to a part of it, I’m absolutely gutted, everything I’m doing is crumbling before my eyes. I really was doing well till this happened, I’m not going to be left with much, my husband would be so upset if he knew this was happening, can’t stop crying at the thought of it now. It’s like being back to week 1 again. Upset and gutted. Xx
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That is such a worry. How can someone make a claim to yours and your husbands estate. The main home was only in my name. We never had joint accounts. We did both own another property. I am not entitled to any benefits. He would have been very well provided for if I had passed first. I have always saved. He wasn’t that way, he liked to spend. He was always generous though. I will need to be careful. It takes a long time to save, but can be spent very quickly.
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Lizzy, just who is this person claiming the estate? The nerve! Your husband left a will, didn’t he?
People. They never fail to disappoint, right?
Debsie, so glad you had good dreams, restful sleep and woke refreshed. Hope you have many more nights like this. We all need it.
Getting 7 hours of sleep now. Big improvement over the 5 hours I got for the last 2 months. It is getting better.
Mbg, my husband was a big spender too, but he always invested more than he spent. I am extremely fortunate that he did. Although I have my own investments in annuities, I can not touch them until age 72 1/2. My husband’s pension transferred entirely to me upon his death, as did his social security benefits and there is a life insurance policy being processed.
Not worried about having money, worried about managing it wisely. It can be spent VERY quickly. My mother had a little refrigerator magnet that read " if money is only spent, it will soon be gone. It either works for you or doesn’t. There is no other way". It was drilled into my head after years of reading it many times a day. Thanks, Mom!
Much love.
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I bought my first property at 19, i still own it. My father couldn’t abide debt. Affordable debt was a diferent matter. He was very wise and I always followed his advice. I will be fine.
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Oh bless you x l also lost my amazing husband 2 weeks ago, his funeral is next Friday. I feel the same as you in that l’ve shed few tears despite loving him so very much. His passing was very quick and horrid after a short illness. I am completely numb. I feel for you and wish l had answers for you but l hope you,soon find comfort xx
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jayluc, I am so sorry that your husband died. It is so much more than we ever thought, isn’t it? Of course, you are numb. It is normal. We are all numb and robotic.
The first 2 weeks are a blur now. I was in a zombie like state with people leading me around. It is just horrible. 9 weeks in and the only thing that has changed is I no longer need handlers.
No crying. No idea why.
I have so much to do that no one else can do, that I simply can not fall to pieces.
It is so hard. Everything is hard and our brains are running at warp speed while we stumble around in a fog.
I am so sorry that you find yourself in this widowhood club. It’s just awful.
Much love.
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Mbg, we were always debt free. If we couldn’t pay cash, we didn’t get it, we waited. My great-grandmother would say “if you watch your nickels, the dollars will take care of themselves”.
“Better in my pocket than theirs” is what I say.
Much love.
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It was a long lost daughter came out the woodwork that didn’t want to know her father after a messy split with her parents over 40 years ago. He would be so upset that she has done this. Wants to see the will which she has legal rights to do. She can’t touch the property but can claim any moveable assets, eg money, jewellery etc. I’m just so upset by her actions, I’ve never met her even. He used to say all she was interested in was money, not a nice person. Xx
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I’m really sorry for your loss of your dear husband, we all know how raw and horrible this time is, feel free to reach out, let of steam, cry, shout and write your feelings down, it really helps me, this site and the people here are wonderful, I don’t know what I’d do without them. Sending hugs xx
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Lizzy, isn’t it just miserable? My husband’s step-daughter from his second marriage came to the funeral. He raised her from 18 months to age 15, when they divorced.
He continued to pay for her private school education and then university. She stopped talking to him when she was 18. I got them back together. It lasted a few years, then she cut him off again. It has been 8 years since we have seen her, heard from her and don’t even know her new address of phone number.
But, she was wailing at the funeral and hugging and sobbing all over everyone. Regrets, she has a few, I’d say. Spoiled beyond belief - by him too.
Where I live kids are not automatically heirs, they can be written out of the will. This young lady bit off her nose to spite her face as she was left nothing. When she stopped all contact, he made a new will. He had had enough of her shenanigans.
Much love, Lovelies. Off to bed. It is 3:37am. I think it is time.