Hi Atrum, how are you doing this week? Xx
1 Like
Jody, I feel better each time I do something normal like dinner at a friend’s house and the Christmas lights in the park. Yesterday, I felt “single and independent” rather than “widowed and grieving” if that makes sense. What I do know, is that normal isn’t going to happen sitting in my house.
Debsie, I am not sharing, sorry. Happy outweighed sad yesterday.
Lizzy - dang, I am sorry you are getting a cold. Yuck. I use a Neti-pot to clear the sinuses when I feel something coming on. It gets all the gross stuff out, the salt water kills the germs and there is less ick to fight off.
Tomorrow is 10 weeks for me. My friend will leave in the morning and I’ll be back to the “sadmin” as y’all call it. But, I will face it in a better frame of mind.
Much love.
Thanks PeachesDixon, that does make sense and great encouragement to us all xx
1 Like
Hi Lizzy, I am fine today but as you know that can change in an instance. My cold is a lot better, but the tummy ache was back with a vengence last night. Couldn’t sleep then panicked as worried that lack of sleep would mean another horrid day, but dosed myself up with everything to hand and ended up getting 6 hours which is enough to function. As for Christmas we just have to pretend until one day the pretending becomes a reality. Certain Christmas songs trigger me. His favourite, Greg Lake and Wombling Merry Xmas that he bought at 16 on 7" vinyl and I teased him about every year. I should dig it out just for him. So sad he isn’t here. That is where I am in my grieving, just so very very sad. I not only do not want to do Christmas cards because of only signing my name, I also do not want to receive any with just my name on. I think I’ll just shove them in a drawer, its silly as I have managed so many other things but this really seems to be a problem. I have no problem with the presents its just the cards, very strange. Hope you day was ok, and you got some bread. Beans on toast for my dinner tonight - that will sort my tummy out!
1 Like
I’ve just tried to keep busy, went to Tesco and for the first time in a very long time put petrol in the car, I had a memory loss as I cudnt remember what type of fuel to put in, how stupid, I asked the man at the next pump if the nozzles are diff sizes for diesel, he didn’t know then tried to Google my car to see what it was, he wasn’t successful but then I remembered my husband moaning that diesel for more expensive than petrol. Then I tried to get the cap off only to find there wasnt one on the car. Honestly I am soooo stupid. Went into pay and he was telling them at the desk, I couldn’t get out quick enough. I didn’t even need it. Could only get £21 in it. Hubby always said not to let it go down so I did as he always did. I’ve done nothing else today, one stupid thing a day is enough. I have a hospital appointment tomorrow. Will miss him, need to get bus as it’s opthamologist I’m seeing and they will put those stingy drops in so goodness knows when I will get home as it will be dark when I get out. At least it gets me out the house, take care xxx
4 Likes
So pleased you had a great time with your friend that was just the tonic you needed to face the rest of the festivities xxx
1 Like
How are you coping Georgi? Have you had a good day,? I’ve been up and down today. One minute I think I’m fine and for no reason the tears start coming again. I keep looking at the Christmas tree still in the box that my daughter brought down from the loft, maybe tomorrow. I like to light candles at night and the fire is glowing, the room looks cosy, I will do anything to keep my mood up. It’s the loneliness that I’m struggling with . Take care xx
3 Likes
You give the best advice peaches, I am happy as well doing normal things but I come down to earth with a bang when I’m back in the house, havnt found a way yet to cope with this but hopefully it will come. I just left a happy house at the weekend and I actually felt so jealous but happy for my daughter, you have to grab it while it’s there. Enjoy the time with your friend xx
3 Likes
I was same my husband only got his pension for 2 years and I received a letter saying I was not getting anything from it, when I phoned to question it the guy said it now passes to a new department who decide if you get or don’t, I asked why would they decide against and he said usually its because they didn’t have enough years paid and i said well I know for a fact we both paid closer to 50 yrs contributions so that wasn’t the case he said he would get someone from that department to phone but nobody ever did so I am assuming because I have a works pension I was not getting any of my husband’s pension, also I do not qualify for pension credit for same reason so also now do not get winter fuel allowance (I only got it once cause I retired last yr) So it seems if you work hard all your life and pay your fair share you can end up not much better off than those who claim benefits all their life, I also pay tax on my work pension which I think is a sin because I paid tax all my life and I think you should not have to pay it when retired, I more angry about that cause of the amount they are spending on keeping the illegal immigrants in hotels, mobile phones, all their meals served to them, free heating( and some pensioners wont be able to afford heating this year without the winter fuel allowance) & electricity and to top it all pocket money too Just makes me so angry🤬
1 Like
@Lizzy28
Just think putting fuel in the car won’t hold the fear next time, you’re almost an expert now. Every challenge overcome makes the future a wee bit easier.
Best of luck with the opthalmology appt tomorrow.
3 Likes
Im the same most days, think about my husband constantly when I’m on my own but when you’re in company its easier ! I am now doing babysitting duties for our 9 month old grandson whom my husband never met in this life but thats a story for another day. Usually have him 2 days a week so he keeps me occupied but so tiring thats when you really feel your age, I’m 67 
I hope your doing the best you can under the circumstances we all find ourselves in sending hugs xxxx
1 Like
I’ve got a one year old Grandaughter, I’m too far away to offer to babysit unfortunately but yes you forget how much work they are, even watching my daughters dog tires me out but I love the company. I try to go and see my Grandaughter at least once a fortnight, I’m 70. I just hope my health keeps up to be able to do all this travelling about that I’m doing, if I was stuck in the house I would hate it. Best wishes xx
2 Likes
You are right, I used to do it all the time when I was working but my husband lost his driving license due to a medical condition so I think it made him feel better to do the small things with the car so I let him. But I will hopefully get there, take care xx
1 Like
I read up on inheriting from your husbands pension and it said if you are born after 1953 you won’t get it but if you havnt reached pension age you will get bereavement support, again I’ve missed out on both. I’m 1954, don’t qualify for anything. I don’t even have a works pension and still don’t qualify for pension credits. I missed out on retiring at 60 and had to work till I was 66, I don’t know when all this changed but it’s not till it affects you that you look into it. Maybe we need to get Martin Lewis on the case. That would really help me if I got a widows pension but alas no it’s not to be. I certainly won’t be a Merry Widow. Xx
1 Like
Exactly the government made sure we definitely wouldn’t be “merry widows” !
My husband would have been so annoyed about me not getting any of his pension !
Alfie is our youngest grandchild, we have 4 the eldest being 19, only one granddaughter though xx
Your right we have to hope we keep our health to be able to get out and about , because the days I have nothing on are so long and depressing, take care, sending a big hug xxx
1 Like
I too was annoyed about the pension. My husband only had 4 months of it before he died. All those NI contributions and I couldn’t even get his extra serps payment. I did get bereavement payment though. £2500 lump sum and £100 per month for 18 months. Equates to about 4 months of his pension. He does has a couple a small private pension for £200pm that I am hoping to get 50% of but the company of his main pension pot are not responding. All they will say is it’s being processed but 6 weeks since I filled in the forms and they haven’t even asked for any certificates. I have heard that they are terrible to deal with and you just have to keep on at them but seriously who has the strength for that when your whole world has collapsed.
2 Likes
Forgot to say my friend also got the bereavement payment as she was only 65 when her husband passed 6 weeks after mine, I also was so naive I thought you didn’t pay tax after you retired didn’t realise they taxed your private pension but I had really thought Starmer was going to tax the state pension in the last budget thank goodness they didn’t but you never know it may still happen xxx
1 Like
Yes my husband had a very small pension from a company he had worked for many years ago for only a short time and they hired a company to trace him when he was coming up to retirement which was amazing as we moved house a lot during our 47 yrs of marriage and I get £100 a month for that, every little helps xxx
1 Like
It is annoying not getting a widows pension, our husband’s worked all those yrs to only have their pension a short time its a sin that we don’t inherit even a proportion of it but saying that its not surprising because this lot are now calling it a benefit ! My husband would be so annoyed if he had known xxx
I’m waiting for this labour govt to start taxing the state pension ! Then we will all need Pension Credit and get the winter fuel allowance lol !
But seriously though it is shameful what they are doing ! Sending hugs xxx
2 Likes
I am really sorry that so many of you are not receiving any of your husbands’ pensions. That just seems wrong in every way I look at it.
Pulled stuff out of the attics and lofts, vacuumed them all, walked 2.5 miles with the dog, got the Christmas tree up and decorated while listening to Christmas music and sharing a bottle of champagne with my friend.
Wonderful day. Ten weeks tomorrow. Seems like 100 years ago or yesterday.
Much love.
1 Like