Debsie, that is so true what you have written, very positive words of wisdom. Is just so hard to stay on top of it, staying in starts off ok but after a few hours, I know I start going downhill, I really need that walk regardless of the weather. My highlight today so far was I found I had two days to open on my choc advent calendar. Simple pleasures. I also have a few Christmas nights with friends which I am so glad they talked me into but you have to push yourself. I hope everyone has a good day xxx
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Glad to hear you are doing things around the house, 11 weeks is not long, but you will feel better for doing it x
We are all at different stages of this journey( I’m 18 mths down this road and still finding my way)
Doing productive stuff does lift the spirits a bit, this time last yr what kept me sane was knitting things for our newest grandchild who was due in Feb this yr, starting with a shawl (hard work that one but I got there ) that was the 3rd shawl I’d done for grandkids but it was therapeutic and kept my mind off myself! Your doing great so keep doing what your doing xxx
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Wise words Debsie, you’re doing well. I too am proud of myself,I know my husband worried about how I would cope cause I leaned on him a lot, but I feel he would be proud of how I have coped and dealt with all the financial stuff but when you have no choice you just have to deal with it all! I miss him every day but that will never change, I cry every day at some point but 47 yrs married cant be forgotten and I wouldn’t want it to be.
Take care xxx
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Good morning!
I slept 10 hours without any meds. What??? Woke once at 3am with night sweats and had to change clothes and sleep on the other side of the bed for the rest of the time. Yay! I get to change sheets again! Still woke exhausted anyway and have had a headache now for weeks.
Usual errands to run today- grocer, pharmacy, pet food store, post office, bank. Then pay bills, do paperwork and let the dog drag me around for 90 minutes. Don’t be jealous that I am leading such a fun life! Haha.
No rain, sun is out, bright and crisp today. Wish I had energy. I could go back to bed. Maybe I will and do all this tomorrow. Hour by hour.
Friend came by yesterday to help me sort trash from good stuff in my husband’s treasures. My husband had many things that I don’t know what they are for, what they do and if they are useful or not. Guy stuff.
Pension check came! Shopped homeowner’s insurance.
Two people inquired about buying my husband’s hunting land yesterday. I think it is quite nervy to be asking, but they don’t get it. Like buzzards circling. I have already been asked just a couple of days after the funeral. What is it with people? Their friend died and they want his stuff?
It really is too much for one person.
My doctor (also my friend for 35 years) advised me to get back to the gym to work on the muscle loss from losing 50 lbs. There aren’t enough hour by hours in the day. Just suggesting this makes me feel overwhelmed again as in I am not doing enough.
No one understands that I am peddling as fast as I can already. My 97 year old aunt keeps asking me to come visit and take her to see her sister. Massive guilt trip. Visiting with her takes a whole day and I haven’t one to give away. Maybe next week.
It is a one hour drive, then an hour to get her into the car and do all the little things she needs me to do in her home, then to the sister’s for an hour, then back to her apartment, then an hour drive home, after which I am beyond tired for the next day. We have 5 adult family members who live within 10 minutes of her place, but it is always me doing it all for her. None of them came to my husband’s funeral either. WHAT?
I just want to talk to my mom.
Much love.
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Peaches, you need to slow down, you are going to fast. I worry about having the night sweats as I was treated a few years ago for a rare form of lymphoma and that was one of my symptoms, I had one last week but I’m sure it was the meds I took for this cold I have. We need to look after ourselves. Yes I agree what a nerve asking you about the land, honestly you wonder about some people. When I met one of my neighbours the first thing she said to me, are you moving now? I wish I could but it’s a long way before I can do that. My hubbys friend said he would help clear his beloved garage, I told him I’m not ready to do that but I honestly think he wants the first take on things. My son in law said he will come over and sell a lot of it as I don’t have a clue what his stuff is for. I’m very wary about everything now after the greed of his daughter. I will need every penny now because I’m not getting any pension money and having to share any money and policies now. Please take it easy Peaches xx 
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We need to take care of ourselves. I know that my grief is all I can handle at the moment and I am not able to take on other peoples problems. I don’t think people are deliberately being unkind, it’s only us in the club who fully understand the impact of this loss. They think they are helping, and yes they may be registering their interest if they think other people may jump in ahead of them. Just say you will let them know when you are ready to deal with it. My own sister asked a few weeks ago if I had come to terms with my loss. I told her that I doubted that I ever would.
For some reason people are confiding in me with their, or their partners health problems. It seems that just about everyone is just an inch away from joining the club. I’m sure they must think that it will show they understand what I’m going through but they really don’t. I try and look sympathetic but to be honest, emotionally I have nothing to offer them. It sounds selfish but all my thoughts are on my loss and there is no room for anything else.
Just do what you can, only give what you can, and be kind to yourselves. Only you know what you need and if you need some peace and time then do what you need to get it.
Xx
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Debsie we really do need to take care of ourselves, I need to start eating better, I have so many allergies that I gave up cooking food for a few weeks or even months. I just can’t be bothered and I loved cooking before even with both our difficulties in eating. I usually had to cook two different meals for us but now I can’t even be bothered cooking for one. I need a shake, no one ever asks me for a meal because of my allergies except my daughter. I’m staying with a friend on Friday night and she asked me what food she should get in. I told her I only eat toast in the morning as long as it’s not got soya in it. Yes I would love to eat more but I won’t put people out so I make the excuse I only eat toast in the morning. My friend lost her husband during covid which must have been horrid for her, only about 7 went to the funeral, we all watched it on video, it was so sad. I think she will understand how I’m feeling and I’m so pleased she invited me to stay. It’s only people that have experienced our pain know exactly what we are going through, take care, off to try and sleep now ha ha. Take care xx🤗
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Lizzy, yes, they all want a shot at the garage. Tell him, “Frank, thank you for offering to help me sort the garage. What I would like to do it to organize it for a large garage sale as the money will come in handy when I have to more. Will you instead help me sort and price these items? Can you come to the sale to help me negotiate with the men who will arrive? I will so much appreciate it and (husband’s name) and I have always trusted your judgment and valued your opinion”.
Advertise it locally for 2 weeks ahead of time so people can save some $$$. Accept cash only and those nasty kids don’t need to know about it.
Well, that is what I would do.
Debsie, absolutely no one gets it but those in our shoes.
I absolutely went back to sleep and woke at 2pm. I ran 3 errands and rushed home. Ate, feed pets, took a pain reliever and back to the sofa. Television is dreadful, so I am watching the game show channel reruns. Nice to see people win things.
My hips, lower back, and knees are talking to me and telling me to stop moving heavy things around as they are all paying the price for yesterday’s manic activity. I may go to the gym and get on the hydromassage bed tomorrow. Yes, we have to take better care of ourselves. But I am just not in the forefront of my mind or on my list of 5. Perhaps the first thing on my list should be something I want to do for myself. Something to ponder.
Cooking for one is ridiculously hard and shopping for food for one is worse. So much waste. I have prepared few home cooked meals and they were sparse. My husband was a fabulous cook and I miss his meals. As of today, I have lost 10lbs since my husband died. Nothing is appetizing to me. Nothing appeals to me. I force myself to eat so I don’t get sick and pretty much am nauseous around food.
This grief is every bit as awful as we think it is, isn’t it? Sometimes, I feel like I am slowly dying. Anyone else feel like this?
Much love.
Peaches, this feeling we all have is the worst feeling in the world, we don’t seem to have any control over it, it’s takes over when we don’t expect it to, even when we are having a good day. I went on my bus today, had a hot choc and cake on my own again. Bought some birthday cards and the cheery sales lady was so nice, asking how my day is going and am I having a nice day. Yes, you can guess what I answered her, another lie but no one knows how we are feeling. I passed the hills that my husbands ashes were scattered in, I did my best to hold it together. I’m glad my cold hid my feelings, blowing my nose. Having a nice glass of wine and some crisps as my ready meal was horrible, it went in the bin. Looking forward to going to meet my friends tomorrow, hoping I will enjoy it, tried on my dress and it’s ok, still fits with the weight I have lost. At least I should get a nice meal. I hope you all have a good weekend xxx:hugs:
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Not relevant, but Lizzy, what are crisps? Are they what we call potato chips? I think your “biscuits” are our “crackers” and our biscuits are little soft, bun-like baked goods.
Today will be a sofa day and an evening of typing necessary paperwork. No list today. Heck with it all. No errands and I don’t want to talk to anyone. Hips, back and knees do not want to go for a walk, I asked and they said “no ma’am, we are staying home”.
Glad your dress still fits. My closet is looking empty, but I like it. Put on your fanciest look, the best of everything - we never know when we will wear it all again.
My husband and his best friend who died 20 years ago were cremated and we, the wives, promised them that we will spread them together at their favorite hunting spot. We have been holding on to my husband’s buddy’s ashes this entire time. Just have to wait until spring because it is too cold for a trip down the Mississippi for us. I will never see that spot again as I have no reason to ever travel down the river to the Gulf of Mexico.
Today sort of sucks.
Much love.
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Peaches, yes crisps are I think I your potato chips. Our chips are potato chopped and fried in oil which is probably a typical British meal Fish and Chips, except I am allergic to fish. Biscuits over here are hard and crispy and sweet. I am partial to all chocolate biscuits. I lived of them for weeks after my hubby died. Crackers, we usually have with cheese. I think your body is telling you to rest up, it’s when I do too much resting that it all hits home what is happening to me. Tomorrow is another day, I really hope it’s a better day for you, you know we are all rooting for you and support is always here. Sending lots of hugs xxx:hugs:
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I am not having a good day today. Had an argument with a company on the phone who auto renewed something I had missed. Even though it only happened today they want to charge me a £25 admin fee. I ended up in tears and I don’t actually know if they will be refunding it all or not in the end. I then realised I hadn’t informed the card company they used that David had died. Called them and they were so nice I ended up crying again.
The weather is so dull and miserable, I feel just the same. But I made myself a bread and butter pudding for dessert to cheer myself up.
Tomorrow I am invited to my neighbours for a pre Christmas get together, it will be all couples. I said I would go, but I really, really do not want to go on my own. I’m trying to be brave, but can almost feel the migraine coming on.
Will we ever get used to being without them. I don’t think I will, and that scares me.
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Debsie, everything is so awful, I spent over an hour onto the Ring Doorbell company getting them to change the account onto my name. Every time I have to tell them my husband had died, I feel the tears flowing. I feel all I am doing these days is deleting my husband from my life. His Amazon subscription is up in January, I’m going to cancel it the day before it’s due to be renewed and then just start it again in my name. I’m not sure I’d be able to do the couple night out but it’s good you are pushing yourself as I am. I just hope I don’t gulp my drinks tomorrow at this party night out I’m going to tomorrow as I know I won’t cope, need to be careful. It’s only my friends tomorrow but there will be loads of couples at it. It’s just not fair, why did this happen to us. Where about do you live Debsie? wish I could come for a coffee or wine, I live in the sticks and I think that’s what’s making it so hard for me to cope, no one to talk to. It will be great going up to where I used to live and talking to real friends tomorrow but it will be harder coming back on Saturday, it just depresses me. I had an appointment with a wealth management company last week and my new guy was a young guy, omg, I must have depressed him and it was only 10am, I held it together quite well but he has no idea what I’m going through but I had to make sure if I died everything was in place. I feel so sad, I have a lovely young couple that moved in next door and they are starting their life together, new little puppy coming tomorrow, I’m so pleased for them and got a lovely first Christmas card together for them, I’m jealous, what have I got? I’m sure we will get through this but the next few weeks are going to be hard, I’m sure we will help each other through this. Sending hugs xxx
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I live in Cambridgeshire. Its a market town, on a train line, I can be in London in an hour, and I hope to do things there next year. Maybe see a show, it will need to be a matinée if on my own, as I don’t fancy doing the train late at night on my own. I don’t have any widow friends to help me through. Some have experienced terrible losses and know grief but its not their partners. I am hoping to do some volunteering work next year at the local nature reserve. It might be a way to meet people. Would be nice to make friends of my own that didn’t know David. Couldn’t sleep last night which is why today is bad. Hopefully tonight will be better and tomorrow another day. Put on that smile, pick up that wine and hopefully we will both enjoy our socialising. At least mine is only next door if it gets too much.
How interesting, Lizzy. Your chips are our French fries, and your biscuits are our cookies. I am partial to chocolate, period. Since I lost so much weight, and can’t eat real meals, I can splurge on chocolate. I ate and then slept the afternoon away. But, I did some paperwork.
Changing the name on utility accounts just has to wait. I haven’t met with our financial guy yet. So scared. Terrified of it all.
Honey, limit the cocktails or you will end up a mascara and lipstick smeared Baby Jane, breaking your heels as everyone offers condolences. Not a good look.
Debsie, aw, I am sorry that happened. Awful, I would have cried too. Sometimes I want to scream “MY HUSBAND DIED!!!” as if that will explain everything.
Take a warm shower, put on your cozy jammies, dim the lights, get under the covers and go to bed early. Stay calm, you will be fine, even if it is all couples at the event. Fancy up and show up. It will do you a world of good.
Stay as long as you want be it 1/2 hour, hour, whatever.
Socializing again is so important, else we become shut-ins. I’ve learned that if you keep saying “no” to invites, the invites stop coming.
Our bed is too big. That thought just sprang into my head.
Much love.
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Hi Peaches, I’ve only had a few hours sleep and I was hoping to have more, I’m going to be shattered today and won’t be able to sleep as I’m going out. Yes you are right, I will limit the cocktails, it won’t be a good look. I had no choice but to change the utility bills as we didn’t have joint accounts and the bank closed his account immediately stopping all the direct debits. I’ve had to send death certificates to some of them and then change the account into mine, there are only a few still to do, like house insurances and a few other things that he paid yearly. I’m worried that I’m having to pay for everything now as it’s going to take many months to get the Estate sorted now. I really do worry how I am going to manage everything. Anyway sleep here I come (I hope) Take care
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Hi Debsie, I couldn’t sleep last night, I’m going to be tired today, maybe I will sleep on bus when I go to meet my friend. That’s a good idea volunteering to do something like that. I would need to travel to volunteer for anything, nothing on my doorstep unfortunately. My daughter said I should go to the cinema in the afternoon or theatre but like you I wouldn’t like travelling at night and our buses stop at 5.15pm anyway so anything I do would have to be during the day. I have the worst sense of direction in the planet or I’d come down to London and go with you, maybe one day I will be brave enough to do that. I could fly down in just over an hour. Xxx
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Just catching up on here, I have been babysitting my 9mth old grandson 2/3 days a wk while his mum goes back to work so I am up at 6am which is alien to me being a night duty worker most of my working life, hence not been on here so much! Boy it’s tiring at 67! Though they have sourced a childminder to start sometime in January, I couldn’t do it permanently thats for sure x
I can say I am organised with all the xmas presents and only have the youngest one’s to wrap, I am proud of myself Ive managed to get all the presents without dipping into my savings, how I don’t know, cause I never have that much to spare the rest of year, how does that work? One of life’s mysteries I think !
Take care everyone its been good catching up on all your messages to each other, Ive missed you all xxx
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Georgi, yes it is hard work looking after grandchildren when they are that age.I prefer them at 3 years old as I love doing messy things their mum doesn’t allow lol. I’m nearly sorted, only a few more things to get but going for lunch and will do the rest of my shopping tomorrow with my daughter, but today is party night for me, I’m just glad to be out the house at the weekend as I find it so difficult especially a Saturday. It will be 10 weeks tomorrow, I actually can’t believe it. I’m just off to get my bus now, enjoy a wee rest after your babysitting. Take care xxx🤗
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You enjoy ur lunch and party night, you deserve it xx Ive come to bed got a migraine, thats my body telling me it doesn’t like early mornings take care xxx
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