Yes Chezza, Mary died on 17 November, and you’ll have seen the laughs we’ve all had about her ‘stuff’! Like you I have step children, but there is no step in our family either. I’ve two boys of my own and two girls of Mary’s but they are only ever my/our children and grandchildren of course. Funnily all four grew up playing together from a very young age when Mary and I were next door neighbours, so they weren’t complete strangers to each other when we got together later. I hadn’t thought of that before now!
Chezza so sorry for your loss my husbands birthday would have been 28th march two weeks ago he’s been gone for six months it was a very hard day unfortunately all the firsts are, like you my children and grandchildren made sure I wasn’t on my own.the day wasn’t as bad as i feared hope it won’t be for you the truth is i find every day difficult the grief and pain doesn’t lesson i still cry most days i hate the loneliness even though i see a lot of friends and family i still feel alone because Chris has gone we were married 50 years had just celebrated our golden wedding he went to play tennis said see you later. He died of a cardiac arrest never got chance to even say goodbye. I have found it a great comfort to be on here reading other people’s stories and knowing they are going through the same emotions as i am it also makes me feel less lonely i hope it does the same for you too sending hugs
My darren also died from heart failure and undiagnosed COPD, he was 53. I never got to say goodbye. It would have been our 20th wedding anniversary this year.
Everyday is difficult and there is always a trigger but i am plodding on trying to be strong for all my children.
This site has gave me comfort especially when I feel like im going insane with my thoughts
Chezza, 3 days ago I had a massive crash, I was beside myself I was missing Nick so so much. My family and close friends luckily have no idea what this is like and say all the right things … but not ( if that makes sense) I came on here and these lovely people helped calm me because they understand exactly what its like - I had also been following the thread but wasn’t brave enough to post - even now thinking about it makes me cry … always the tears are never far away. It was Nick’s birthday on 24th March ( he would have been 54) and mine a few days later so it wasn’t the best week but I went to the last place we had visited in the UK , took a hip flask and raised a toast to my beautiful husband and the sun came out and it actually wasn’t a bad day.
I am so very sorry for your loss.
You must be younger than me? I’m 55. Unless Darren was a toy boy
My grandmother was 6 months older than my grandfather and it was always a joke.
I can promise you that things will change. I’m now a year and 10 days. I can’t quite believe that. And Georgie is 2 years.
It still hurts very much. Still winds me when I least expect. I still image holding him and kiss his photo several times a day. And watch silly videos even the ones where he’s talking in the background whilst I’m videoing something else.
Some how the grief becomes more manageable. No less painful.
And people around you don’t know how much it hurts.
I’m so glad you joined in the conversation.
Take care xxx
The tears are never far away and everyone does understand on here. I dont want to keep putting onto my family so put the brave face on.
Thats good that you managed to get through the birthday week, i am planning to go to beach with granddaughter, even though darren hated the sand, it helps clear my head to watch the waves,
It sounds like you were able to find some good in your day. And I’m guessing you were also a similar age to me.
I tell you it’s good news when you were able to take a drink and enjoy the sunshine. I remember the first few weeks all I wanted to do was shoot the birds because life was going on without him.
I think that’s the hardest thing. That time carries on regardless. The world turns and we sleep and wake and sleep and wake and yet we are still alone.
Talking on here has definitely been so very helpful. I’ve been sad because now I’ve gone back to work, I haven’t been able to come and read as many posts. Have you gone back to work? What about you, Chezza?
Tomorrow, I’m going to do one of the things that Neal and I never got to do.
A while back we went with our best mates up to the sky Gardens and drank cocktails one night. We realised that there was a restaurant up there and Neal and I said we would go up there and have a meal.
I’m meeting my best friend from school for lunch tomorrow and she and I are going to go and do that. I’m trying really hard now to do things that I think he would’ve liked and he would be pleased about like when I went away to my quilting retreat this weekend and used all the things he had bought me one Christmas. I’m trying really hard to remember and i know what he would have said to me because I know he wanted me to have a good life and I need to do that to honour him.
Xxx
I have gone back to work and they have been amazing for me, if i need to take a break for a cry i can leave the room for a bit. Working does make it harder to keep up with the posts on here.
I like to craft and darren built me a very large cupboard to store it all years ago, i will be trying to get into it.
There is a charity called quilts for care levers. If you contact the charity and send them the quilt pieces, they will finish it and give it to someone who’s been in care and is about to leave because they’ve reached 18.
I think work initially was a great help. And I was still teaching music at that stage so it gave me much joy.
I also joined a ladies choir.
If you followed the threat you will know that then I got breast cancer and that set me back a long way. And now my job changed and I miss my music a lot.
Yes we are about the same age - how can we be widowed at this age? It doesn’t seem real and what a horrible word that is. I haven’t gone back to work properly yet I am just dipping in and out remotely but I am working towards returning full time soon. My problem is that when people talk to me about it, say it out loud, I can feel the tears brewing and I so do not want to be emotional in front of people. Until I can control that Im staying home You are right about time and the world turning - don’t they know what’s happened ? I think tomorrow will be a great day for you and I love your attitude and you are right, we still had loads of places we wanted to go and I was feeling it would be wrong to go without him, we should do these things and enjoy them as they would have.
Let us know how tomorrow goes and enjoy it xxx
If I can find it!
You are right about time and the world turning - don’t they know what’s happened ? I think tomorrow will be a great day for you and I love your attitude and you are right, we still had loads of places we wanted to go and I was feeling it would be wrong to go without him, we should do these things and enjoy them as they would have.